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Paranoid much? And pneumonia …

I hate being sick more than anything in the world. I find it to be an incredible waste of time, since you cant accomplish anything. I also hate when I can’t do my job. Plus I am a paranoid nervous wreck all the time about “getting into trouble.”

(Which is very strange, since I was ONCE the-ever-so-fearless-great and rebellious time-honored-bad-ass that did not give a flying fuck. But, I also had nothing to loose or gain, and I was all of 15…alright, so I acted that way till I was 27.)

Now that I am a grown up with real responsibilities, I have obligations like bills to pay, and a job I need!! to keep!!

So when I am sick and when I have to call out of work, a tremendous amount of fear and anxiety are served as a side dish to the wads of snot napkins on my floor. I feel guilty, for not being at work. I become consumed with worrying about all the files that are piling up on my desk that I can’t get to. I dread the amount of work I will have face when I do return. I start to freak.the.fuck.out about all the bills that are in the mailbox that I refuse to open. And then, I get all paranoid with fear that I am going to get fired (because I am insane.)

I went to the doctors on Monday to discover strep & an upper respiratory infection and I started my antibiotics right away.

Antibiotics FUCK UP your stomach, and I don’t need any help in that department. Fuck! Great! So, now I am sick and having “rhea” to top it all off. Fucking wonderful. This is just like having a Crohns attack.


I spent two solid days in bed. Sleeping, running to the bathroom, (How? When there is nothing in you? Can you even go to the bathroom?) and worrying. (for NO FUCKING REASON)

But because I had to call out of work for Monday and Tuesday, by Tuesday night I was a flippin’wreck because I still didn’t feel better. I was feeling shittier. How was I going to get back to work?

(yes, I am aware! that stressing like that doesn’t make you “get better” it only make things “worse” thus, my constant illnesses. I get sick, then I am so worried because I am sick, I make myself sicker.)

Today, Wednesday morning, I woke up to a terrifying knot in my stomach, I had to go back to the doctors on for a re-check to make sure I was healthy enough to return to work for Thursday. I knew that there was still something really wrong with me.

I am so tired, every part of my body hurts, my chest is so heavy its hard to get air into my lungs, and everything on my body is leaking some nasty fluid.

My doctor took one listen of my lungs and sent me across the street for an emergency chest xray



(because I am a freak, I feel the urgent need to always have PICTORIAL EVIDENCE… just.in.case….(someone call the men in white coats now.) Because this is juts a script for the xray.)

Oh, isn’t this fucking great… I don’t just have a little respiratory infection, I have pneumonia? Pneumonia! Pneumonia….

And I can’t go back to work until MONDAY? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

(and I had to get a shot in my ass like a little kid.)

Dood, I busted into tears. Crying, like I was 5. and NO lollipop and NO balloon from the doctor with the big ass needle could stop me. Seriously I was a like a little kid… It was humiliating, so gee, why? not? Tell the Internet too!

Why? IS IT? When you are sick… that you are so emotional?

What is THAT about?

So. My doctor, “who is like the best doctor, like ever!” taking pity on the 100 lbs crohn’s infested, starving chick, with paranoid delusions, and pneumonia, hooked me up with some serious medication that will in fact tranquilize an elephant.

It will force me to sleep. Stop me from stressing, so I can GET BETTER.

Oh, and I contacted the people in the office….I am having my files delivered to my house tomorrow after noon, so when I am awake I can get to WORK!

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  • Prissy

    That was so sad. As soon as you started describing your symptoms I knew, KNEW! I had it too and I started bawling when the Dr. told me.I don’t know why I did that.I was just so sick. I couldn’t even stand up and put on my pants. You rest and get better! And take all your antibiotics.

  • meleah rebeccah

    yeah! what’s with the sick = crying?

    I am in bed and taking all my medications.

    thank you for the comment. I have no idea? why?when people comment it makes me feel so much better!

  • Leslie

    Awwww, Melz!!!!! Hugs to you. And I feel ya, stupid collarbone break has had me crying off and on all week about retarded ass shit – like, being unable to cut my own meat? Makes me bawl. ME. The girl who never cries!!! wtf??? Anyway, feel better.

  • OLLY

    Any infection inside the body will completly toy with your hormones.
    An overall feeling of inadequacy and guilt for not being able or present can easily overwhelm someone like me and you.It is also a side effect of xanax. Plus you are a female and I’m not exactly sure what time of the month it is but illness can fast foward you to PMS and/or also delay your period as well. But that general feeling of uslessness is enough to start a very negative ,downward spiral in any human being. I hope you start feeling better too . After my bout with the same I am only now, after 3-4 weeks feeling 100%. I will definatly opt for that shot in the ass if there is a next time because the prednesone(steroids) magnify those feeling 10 fold, and things could be alot worse babe. I was on vacation and a normal % minute walk to the casino took me 15minutes and I had to bring my inhaler with me and I had to sit down in the hotel lobby for 10 minutes to catch my breath.I spent 2 weeks out of work and in bed and I was 100% useless not to mention I had to spend every waking moment injecting myself with insulin in order to attempt to keep my sugar under 200. EVERY 1-2 HOURS FOR 2 FUCKING WEEKS BABE.I HAD A COUPLE OF OVER 400 READINGS. AGAIN THE NURSE PRACTITIONER BEGGED ME TO FIND SOMEONE TO LIVE WITH. YOU SHOULD NOT BE LIVING ALONE IS ALL I EVER HEAR ANYMORE FROM HER. SO DO YOURSELF A FAVOR REST UP AND FRETT NOT. YOU ARE LOVED sWEETCHEEKS!!!!

  • meleah rebeccah

    olly…I remember when you were that sick! (like not tooo long ago) This shit sucks! Thanks for making me feel better! Im not crazy, or an emotinal basket case. I am simply sick!

    PS I love when you comment!

  • meleah rebeccah

    LESLIE… I know, NEITHER of us CRY!

    we dont cry at sappy movoes, we arent GIRLY GIRLS….

    but being incapacitated makes us CRY like babies!!

    feeling RETARDED over here!! LOVE AND MISS YOU

  • Anonymous

    I hope you feel better. You poor thing, you don’t have enough wieght left to be sick! You are melting away 🙁

    Take care, and drink alot!!!! of water.


  • Leslie

    Miss you toooooo.

  • Michael

    Keep hanging in there! Hope you feel better!

    This hospital waiting room has a FREE internet cafe! I took her to the right place.

    The time is 556pm on Friday. Blogger is redirecting me to their new google version every time i try to sign in from here so an update has been posted on my last post’s comment section!

  • meleah rebeccah

    thanks Michael. I’m glad you and your mom are in a god place…hell yes free internet!!

    I upgraded and went through a nighmare to get all my stuff back up on my page, but I have all kinds of flickr streams and mad links that were deleted when I upgraded.

    Thanks to LESLIE (my personal wizard of OZ) she went into my page and fixed everything for me.

    Ill send you the link to my old post when it happened!

  • Anonymous

    Anyways get better soon will ya, cant have you mopin around.


  • meleah rebeccah

    Im trying!!

    I have been in bed for DAYS.

    I dont even know what DAY IT IS…?

    They always say “careful what you wish for” I wished for some time off work yes… BUT NOT TO LAY IN BED sick as a dog!!! I wanted ot be able to DO STUFF!

    Just MY LUCK!

  • Anonymous

    Hey sweetie…feel bad for you..hope by now you are feeling better but you will have to be carefull now at least for a while with the weather not getting pneumonia again. Do feel better..hugs and kisses.. BFNC

  • Anonymous

    Hi Meleah!

    I haven’t been online much this week as I’ve been so busy. The big news is that I haven’t had a cigarette since last Friday—NOT ONE—and that was a week ago!!! I know that you’ve heard that from me before, but so far this one seem to be sticking. I checked out your blog and am so sorry that you have pneumonia on top of everything else. I had that about 2 years ago and almost ended up in the hospital. God, I felt terrible. Didn’t smoke for a week then and swore I wouldn’t take it up again! Well, you know how that went. Maybe THIS will be it for me, finally. Just take care of yourself, and keep in touch.

    Take care, k?

  • meleah rebeccah

    Thanks BECKI

    Lets see if being THIS SICK works

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