I am out of ideas on how to meet new people. And when I say meet “new people” I mean: single, available, smart, funny, stable, gainfully employed men.
Ones that meet my standards. (That’s the tricky part.)
Short of wearing a sandwich board with painted on letters “I Am Ready. Willing. And Able…walking into a crowded public arena, ringing a cow bell, and asking aloud if there are, “Any Takers?” I haven’t a clue how to attract the type of man I am looking for.
Alas, I have decided to take advantage of feeling better and go out this weekend. I am going to try to find ‘The Place’ where smart, funny, stable, gainfully employed single people go. In order to find the other smart, funny, stable gainfully employed single people.
Can anyone tell me where that place is? I seem to have lost the directions. If you have any ideas, OTHER than the bar scene, please let me know…because while my sandwich board and bell may turn some heads in my direction, I’m not sure I want that kind of attention.
Bookstores/library might be a place to start. Not only do you have a chance of meeting smart, funny and stable guys but you’ll expand your knowledge as well. A win-win situation!
It’s not in a bar. That’s all I know. You will find Mr Right by chance, or through a friend’s introduction, or through a common interest. Join some clubs and such now that you feel better, meet people who are into the things you are into. Worst case you make new friends.
Or call “Uncle Jerry”. I’m sure he’d drive right down. Hehheh.
DAZD: No one ever approaches me in the book store. I have been told “I am too intimidating” whatever the hell that means.
LESLIE: Thats a GREAT IDEA. Hmmm… maybe I can find a local “book club” ….or take some sort of class? (there is no way I am joining a GYM, who the fuck wants to “get ready” to get sweaty?)
Uncle Jerry! ha ha ahahahhaaaaa…. If hes willing to TAKE CARE OF ME so I can QUIT MY JOB AND WRITE all day, that MIGHT not be a bad idea? Just kidding! xxooo
well.. i assure you i would be the last to know… it is weird isn’t it… after you pass a certain stage in life,, you cant seem to find anyone… whereas when i was younger there were to many to choose from……
Hmmmmm, Starbucks, the library or maybe the bank. Or, maybe the eye doctor’s office? Yeah, you got me. I have no idea…
PAISLEY: They are either GAY or MARRIED. Whats a girl to do!
MICHAELC: Ill try anything.
School is a good place. I met my spouse while taking college night classes.
The times I found someone, I wasn’t looking. When I was looking, I didn’t find anyone.
Maybe if you pretend you’re not looking, then someone will come unexpectedly. 🙂
I’m sure you’ll do very well wherever you decide to go. How could you not! Except maybe the dog track…you’re too good for that 😉
Have you thought about online dating? I know it is not cool. But, I think if I was in that position that is what I would do. You can learn so much about a person online, and then the first time you meet, if everything checks out…you already know each other.
I have friends that have had great success with this. Even a friend of my grandmother found a man and they got married through a meeting on the internet.
There really are a lot of decent, good worthwhile guys out there. But, the sad thing is they don’t know how to connect either, and when it happens it is often just hapstance.
Anyway–that is what I would do.
~Becky
I was going to say bookstores and library… but Dazd got there first. Hmmm…. church? Naaah…. i’m just kidding! LOL
coffee shop?
work?
Parties? Where I come from we have Kitchen parties… (makeshift jam sessions, lots of food, friends and neighbors, etc)
HELL MELEAH! I DON’T KNOW!
this is a lot harder than i thought.
God forbid but I’m gonna say it…. shhhh (online dating)???? he he 😉
OMG – you must put up some of your old online dating stories again to NIP THAT SUGGESTION IN THE BUD. OMG. Y’all have no idea.
HAMMER: Thats a good idea, but I dont have time or money to go back to school. not even part time.
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ROLANDO: Ive heard that from a lot of people, (looking for it is like jinxing yourself) but its not going to happen sitting IN MY HOUSE ALONE… So, I’m going to try some of these ideas.
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MICHAELC: Dog Track… HA… hey wait? dont you know I cant wait to score me an alcoholic with a gambling problem.
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BECKY & DAWN: I love you both, truly, but HELL FUCKING NO. I have TRUE TO LIFE HORROR stories (as LESLIE pointed out) that I may just have to post to PROVE just how fucked up on-line people are.
*shuddering* at the thought of re-living any of that.
Here is ONE small example of an ASSHAT from ONLINE “dating”
First of all, I NEVER EVEN WENT ON A DATE WITH THIS CAT. I NEVER EVEN MET HIM IN PERSON.
The only contact we EVER had were a FEW emails and we had ONE PHONE CALL. We had contact for maybe 2 weeks TOPS.
When I decided he was NOT THE GUY FOR ME. I told him nicely that I had found someone else.
Yes, I lied. I did not want to tell him the REAL reason I wasn’t interested was because he was NOT SMART at all. And he was NOT FUNNY at all. How do you tell someone your dumb and boring?
I’m sorry but after TWO weeks, if you cant think of something SMART or FUNNY to say, then YOU HAVE TO GO.
Oh, and he was too short for me (sorry people, I just cant with SHORT guys… you MUST BE over 5’5 to go on this ride) ….and because I hated the fact that he was SO INTO the WWF & MONSTER TRUCK racing…. which I think is trailer trash.
I would have been able to OVER LOOK the short white trash-ness HAD he been SMART OR FUNNY. But. No.
That was OVER A YEAR AGO, and TO THIS VERY DAY “that guy” STILL LEAVES SOME COMMENT ALMOST EVERY DAY ON THIS BLOG.
Can you IMAGINE how attached and sick this fucking dood would have been if he ever did SEE ME IN PERSON? Or knew where I lived? If he is still stalking me every day HERE!!
I have never written about it, or HIM, because WHY would I give that loser any power.
He can knock him self out leaving comments all day long. They just go directly into the spam folder and get deleted, so I never even READ them.
So yeah, um …the online dating scene was too ugly for me.
*and there are PLENTY of more stories about my bad online dating experiences, I cant even get started with the KKK dood…..
You intimidating? No way!
I think Atlantic City is the best place in the USA! Ironically enough, I happen to live just a mile away….LOL!
DAZD: So I ve been told. Cuz Im too loud. (and I am)
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MIKE: Darling where have you been all damn summer? You just might regret my showing up! But we sure would have fun watching all those morons standing in the ATM lines going back to get MORE MONEY to loose.
64 MANCHESTER CT.
LOL LOL LOL
OLLY
OLLY: I love you. I really love you.
why not sign up for a cooking class in your area adult school? or do you have a clubhouse of sorts where you live? we could (er, um, you could) host a cooking class: “cooking for one”, or “refurbishing leftovers”, or “meals for the single, smart, savvy guy”
hahaha Well if your loud in a library or bookstore, I can see how thats intimidating. And would probably get you kicked out!
laughing at Dazd!
anyway how about facebook?
I use it for friends and family but who knows where it could lead?
the more friends you connect with…
ok i may be grasping here
LOL
“TO THIS VERY DAY “that guy†STILL LEAVES SOME COMMENT ALMOST EVERY DAY ON THIS BLOG.”
well now i’m curious…. I’ll never get any work done trying to figure this out!
OMG MELEAH!
You know how people have “supper clubs” where they meet once a month or more at people’s houses and bring pot luck? and how you want someone who can DEAL with your health???
Start the first ever ALLERGY FRIENDLY SUPPER CLUB. Make it so all pot lucks must be allergy friendly and labeled for what allergies they are friendly for, then meet, eat, watch tv, talk, etc once or twice a month with fellow food allergy/crohns sufferers at different houses.
You’d make FRIENDS anyway, and may meet a guy
BROOKESTONE: See…. this is why I digg you so much . hello. Um yeah, can WE, (as in you) make / host special classes?
…. like the TOTALLY SUPER AWESOME KICK ASS class that LESLIE is suggesting…. ??
You can even charge people to come (except not me…..)
But….Where would we host it? How do we get the news out / invite people?
OMG so many ideas…..
(*yes there is a clubhouse where I live, that is where I will BE 2-niz-ite……….only problem the place is crawling with tons of married men)
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LESLIE: You friggin RULE the universe.
——
DAZD: yeah…. its bad. I have NO VOLUME control. I am annoying loud, yet I cant seem to stop. But I haven’t been kicked out of a book store or library … yet.
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DAWN: I know, DAZD is funny! I am on FaceBook, but that is still to online ish. I REFUSE to date anyone I have met on MySpace and I treat FaceBook the same way…unless I KNOW YOU, (or you are a writer) you are not getting added to my “friends”.
I promise you that he leaves a COMMENT almost every day. I never read them, because they go right to spam. But, I may have to BLOCK the IP address…. it enough already deleting all that trash.
Can you even deal? (I think I will email one to you so you can see what cracks me up) I cant believe that OVER A YEAR LATER and NEVER meeting me IN PERSON EVER, after just ONE PHONE CALL, he is still STALKING ME.
I shudder to think how he would have dealt with me actually going on a date with him, and then DUMPING HIS ASS. This guy is the same type of guy that kill their girlfriends when they try to leave them.
Every time he leaves a comment I am reminded of EXACTLY WHY I DID NOT GO OUT ON A DATE WITH THIS CAT. and WHY I TRUSTED MY GUT when it told me to steer clear… whew!
we better act fast, before i fatten you up! do you belong to a temple? do they rent out the kitchen? we can host a friggin’ barbeque at a local park if we can’t find another place. and we’ll specify that it is NOT for married people of either gender. we’ll talk, we’ll talk.
Well, I’m stumped as I’m a 42-year-old single woman (that makes me 10 years older than you from what I’ve read) in the same boat. Except I have done the online dating thing. I haven’t had any bad dates.
I haven’t gone on many dates but all my dates were good dates and the men were all highly intelligent, had some level of self-awareness and desires for personal development and yes, they all were able to construct complex sentences.
The thing is that my profile, what I say really acts as a filter. Unfortunately, what I have written appeals to men in their early 50s. I think that’s because at that age, men have walked through the fire emotionally and have figured or are figuring out what is important, really important in life. My profile appeals to very few men in my age range. Granted, men in my age range want to date women in your age range..or younger.
I say put up a free profile and spend a l of of time on the profile. You’re a writer, it’ll be a great exercise in your creativity. I read a lot of the male profiles to see what attracted me. Yes, it’s more than just a pretty face (and I’m not much into pretty anyways) – the man has gotta show…something in their writing.
The thing is, if you put up a free profile, you have nothing to lose. I wouldn’t link to your blog though (although I don’t think they allow that). I write that just because sometimes a blog is just Too Much Information right at the beginning! I think I scared off one of my dates that way!
One guy I contacted wrote a short story, a moment really, for his profile. It was so intriguing!
Here’s one idea I’ve thought of but am WAAAAY too chicken to implement: Blogging For A Boyfriend.
My friends suggest I should join things. Ugh. But I’ve been getting an incredible amount of Big Freakin’ Hints (aka slaps ‘upside the head) by the Universe and they all are pointing to Toastmasters. I know. WTF? I love that acronym, WTF. Anyway, between this that and “dah udder” (as mom would say) I have put joining “Toastmasters” on the list.
There are quite a few in my area so I’ll procrastinate a while by figuring out which ones. Unfortunately, they all seem to happen at noon.
I like Leslie’s suggestion about pot luck and food allergies.
Nix on the bar scene. Nix on the sandwich board.
I’m a new reader so am not sure if you are strong enough but..join a gym? Unless you join, what “Curves” (womens only?) you are bound to get approached. Unless you don’t want that and just want a workout…
BROOKESTONE: SWEET. (and um er no, I dont belong to any religious temples or churches). but yes.. we will talk and plan and ACT before I am 7 million pounds.
you will find the man of your dreams/destiny when you least expect it. open yourself to different opportunities without the expectations—when the mind is in neutral you will attract what you are looking for without even trying.
visit places you would not normally visit and stretch yourself , you could have a blast and surprise yourself.
good luck to you on this next part of your journey–
remember when one is at the end of the rope , you attract others who are in the same position–set your sights on infinity and i am sure there woild be something between where you are now and…………..
aurevoir
MS. Q!
I am very impressed with your online success. Really.
Hmm… So it’s all about the PROFILE? Maybe thats what I did wrong. Okay, I can work with that…. I have a “pre-profile” almost ready to go. I think I might post it and let ya’ll help me with it?
I am also too chicken to “Blog for a Boyfriend” that falls in the same category of internet online dating ….It just scares me, the whole online thing. It seems and feels so unnatural.
I am actually looking for a GROWN UP. (My last boyfriend was 53 years old, so clearly, I have nothing against the OLDER MEN, in fact, I think I PREFER older men.)
As for GYMS…… I am Not.A.Fan. I don’t want to pay money and have to “get ready” only to get sweaty…
I am LOVING the LESLIE idea.
And I am into finding “clubs / groups” in my area that interest me and joining. That could be very cool.
(I wont be hitting the bar scene or wearing my sandwich board anytime soon…..)
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DERICK: Thanks.
I’m famous? hahaha! Thanks! If you post your profile or even email it to me (I admit I don’t check my email all that often) I’ll do my best with feedback. My profile has gone through many changes since I’ve first posted!
These days, online dating is no big deal. That is, a lot of people are online and online dating is much more acceptable. Like anything, you just have to be careful (meet in public place, don’t give out your address, etc. etc).
What are busy people to do these days? It’s really just another resource. Maybe the older men in your area hold up better. The guys in their 50s around where I am look…old. Sure there are some fit ones but I dunno, they have slowed down a bit by that age. I did go out with a lovely man, age 54. I loved who he was, dang was he terrific but sigh, I just didn’t feel the spark. It was a big bummer for the both of us.
I am not a fan of gym, either. I don’t want to spend the money but it’s not just that – I don’t like exercising indoors. I’m big on running and running outside. When my job takes me on the road, I dislike having to run on a treadmill and when I do, I’m told that I look very…focused. I’m there to work out.
Yeah, friends have suggested running clubs or groups. I did one group run a few months ago, just to try it out. Ugh. Nice folks but it wasn’t as relaxing for me to run with others. Running is a form of meditation for me.
You sound much more outgoing than I with respect to getting out there. Since you may prefer older men, your inbox may end up flooded!
MsQ: I really appreciate the advice / input. Thank you so much for taking the time to read this and comment here. I think I will send you my MOCK profile over the weekend, I would LOVE to hear your spin on it.
DERICK SAID IT BEST MY DEAR.
DERICK SAID IT BEST MY DEAR.
AND I REALLLLLLY LOVE YOU TOO.
Olly: Agreed. But sitting in my house will not accomplish jack squat. So… my dear readers have given me some fantastic ideas! And I really do LOVE you back.
I’ll be sure to check for email over the weekend then!
I like what Derick wrote: “remember when one is at the end of the rope , you attract others who are in the same position–set your sights on infinity and i am sure there woild be something between where you are now and…”
I’ve been following the Law of Attraction before even “The Secret” came out (“The Power of Intention” by Wayne Dyer is more my spiritual speed). But reading “The Secret” (library copy) did make me take a good hard look at what I have been attracting into my life.
Hmmm. What has been going on?
What I have noticed is that many people I know or who I have met don’t love themselves. Wow. Some are just beginning to realize that they don’t love themselves, that they have no sense of who they are, that they have been “mystified” (a term John Bradshaw uses in his book “Creating Love”).
Most of my friends/acquaintances are around my age – 40s, so it makes sense that some type of mid-life crisis would be going on. But it seems odd that I’m meeting what I would consider a high percentage of people who well, dislike themselves.
This made me think. I thunk and thunk and it finally hit me that yes, you cannot give love unless you feel love for yourself. I’ve read this over and over in all the numerous psych/self help/spiritual books I’ve read.
It also fits in with the Law of Attraction which is like attracts like. So what type of men have I been attracting into my life? Very nice men much like myself but somehow…it doesn’t go any further. Why? The answer is that at my core, I don’t really believe that I am worthy of love.
Gulp.
Time for some Affirmative Action!!!
Instead of buying an inexpensive bottle of wine for the week, I now treat myself to a bouquet of flowers. I look at them and they remind me that hey, I deserve love. I give myself love. I’m loving the flowers. A glass of wine with dinner lasts an hour or so. The flowers at home give me pleasure all day long.
I also say to myself (which I posted on my blog):
I am whole, complete and perfect.
I have a friend who has a lot (A LOT) of health problems. She is stuck in her current unhappy relationship because she feels that she can’t do any better, that no one will put up with all her dietary and environmental concerns. She can’t eat many things, she’s tired all the time, she can barely go anywhere due to chemical sensitivities and she barely works.
We all have something wonderful to offer another. There is someone out there who will love you just the way you are and you deserve that.
MsQ
Wow… And I thought I was just going to get some “dating advice” ….
Thank you.
Have you tried golf? Or tennis?
I don’t play golf, but my teen does, and I am amazed at the number of eligible men on the course. But I too agree with Derrick – sometimes you meet Mr. Right when you least expect it. As long as you make sure you keep yourself happy, everything else will fall into place.
Aw. But I was just telling you like it is.
My guess is that the LoA brought me into your life. I’ve been meaning to read your blog more often (I see your comments all the time on Ricardo’s blog) and well, you leave a comment on my blog and I get nudged to look at your blog and like attracts like…
You can also check out The Secret’s website: http://www.thesecret.tv/ – they have some videos there. There’s some great YouTube videos I’ve come across. You can search on “Law Of Attraction”
Here’s a link to the first 20 minutes of “TS” movie:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_b1GKGWJbE8
Just the other day I was searching YouTube and came across this guy named Danny Arrington (?) who’s very engaging in the way he speaks about LoA. Here’s his YouTube on “How To Attract Love”
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N7VCaILwXkU
It sounds like your life is on a positive course, what with your being able to eat and enjoy food again. Having something so positive has probably nudged you into a more positive state so now you’re drawing more good things into you life. Keep on drawing it in!
It’s not easy meeting people and it’s very frustrating sometimes. But they are out there and you have to have patience and perseverance. Even then it’s still difficult. Sometimes I just want to throw up my hands and give up. but it sounds like you’ve got things going in the right direction. MsQ is famous.
Okay, I’m going to toss this one out there… Speed dating. I know, I know, but just hear me out. You corral a friend into going with you, and just have fun! Your time with the guy is very limited, so if he ain’t the one, no harm, no foul – DONE! If you’re interested, (I think) you leave your contact info for him with one of the organizers, and he feels the same way, he’ll do the same. …and you go from there. I’ve been thinking about doing it for awhile. If for no other reason than to jetison myself out of my complacency.
I will say this, the law of attraction (I’ve read Abraham-Hicks, Wayne Dyer, etc… for years) definitely does manifest for you what you envision, believe, feel about something. Ms Q and Derrick are so on target. Be who you want to attract. Remember how loveable you are, Meleah.
Treasure yourself, and you will attract your heart’s windfall.
Just give up! The old adage is true – you’re not gonna meet the right person when you’re looking for them.
What does this mean? Well, stop actively looking for men or thinking of places you can meet someone. Hell, I’m a man so I shouldn’t be saying this, but we’re not the be all and end all in life – not by any stretch of the imagination.
This doesn’t however mean sitting at home sobbing on the couch and watching the telly all the time – instead you can concentrate on enjoying yourself to the max with your friends and family, and really living your life.
Go out with them for meals, for drinks, for entertainment, for things you’ve always wanted to do but never got around to – really push the envelope – explore new places and try new things – and most importantly have a shed load of fun doing it.
Indulge yourself in you and in the people around you, and all of a sudden one day, you’ll look up and staring right back at you will be your guy. And what’s more, because you’ll be happy with you and your life and with what your doing, that’ll make it a hundred times easier for him to be happy with you, and for you to be happy with him.
Don’t stress – just live life to the full (try BASE Jumping – hee hee!!) and he’ll come along and find you – you don’t need to go looking. Promise.
Good point Meleah! You can’t win the lottery if you don’t play. 🙂
Open air concerts, drive in movies, BnN’s, Freehold raceway mall, Princeton Marketfair, Quakerbridge mall, the gym 😉
An ice cream parlor, Downtown princeton, downtown Hamilton Twp. aka “near the gym”. A golf range. A golf course aka the clubhouse.
FV
Anywhere else?
go for a fucking walk.
just go outside.
for a walk .
in YOUR OWN nieghborhood..
Your looking for someone close by…it saves gas.
yeah, GO OUTSIDE AT LEAST 3 TIMES A WEEK .
TAKE A WALK.
i cant take Brookestone.
I have been searching for that place to find girls as well. I just recently started at my local gym but the girls there are beyond intimidating so its tough. Most people meet their spouse at or through work. However, I teach so I don’t have many options other than the 90 year old teacher next door or my little jailbait buddies. Just know you are not alone. Its hard sometimes.
RICARDO: You know what its like. Being alone, and IT IS HARD to find someone GOOD. I dont want just a warm body. I want the RIGHT warm body. MsQ is totally famous.
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GEEDOS: Base Jumping MY ASS!! But you are right. I just need to get out more, maybe be more active in society in general, then maybe someone will come into my life.
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BFF: OKAY. (Brooke is the bomb diggity)
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ROLANDO: Exactly.
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FV: Im going to three of those places TODAY as a matter of fact!
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HOLLY: Dood, If we LIVED closer together WE’D BE DOING THAT TOGETHER. (and laughing our asses off) None of my girlfriends would do THAT with me. I dont even know where I would look for “speed dating’….Oh well. Thank you for the support and for reminding me that I AM LOVEABLE. (sometimes I just need to hear that.)
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DEVIN: SEE! YOU know EXACTLY what I mean. (Men in the gym INTIMIDATE me). I work in the INSURANCE field with BORING co workers or they are already MARRIED which leaved me limited (to NO) options. Most of my girlfriends are in serious relationships so I dont even have anyone to drag around with me. Sometimes it seems like I am NEVER going to find someone…. BUT a good start is LEAVING MY HOUSE!!
hello,
it seems that you have really stirred up the pot with this one–there is no doubt that it can happen, it is how you are going to make it happen
you could always have a masked dinner and once the evening wears on the masks come off, with each guest revealing something personal etc…
on the comment i made which ‘hit you like a ton of bricks’— i have come to realise that as much as all of us are so different and want to perpetuate the difference. and make ourselves shine in our own individuality, we are in essence all the same. we all have different problems, situations , but in essence again it is all alike.
to be able to move forward not just on the relationship front,we all seek companionship and a lot more, we have to be at peace and one with ourselves.
we should be able to keep all the memories good and bad and drop the emotional content. i know it is easier said than done—know thyself and the rest will take care of itself. all is in the processes.
i would l enjoy your perspective on what i write–come visit sometime
thanks derick
Derick; I think I have caused a little roar! I like that masked diner thing, but I dont have anywhere to HOST that sort of party.
Your comment DID hit me like a ton of bricks. It was EYE OPENING and JAW DROPPING. I have no idea HOW to ” to be at peace and one with ourselves.” … I took everyone’s advice and bought the book THE SECRET today. So, Ill be spending my evening READING THAT. Im sure that will provoke a post or two about some of my own self revelations.
I will most certainly drop by your blog. …. THANKS for dropping by mine….and for leaving such a powerful comment.