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Out Of Ideas.

I am out of ideas on how to meet new people. And when I say meet “new people” I mean: single, available, smart, funny, stable, gainfully employed men.

Ones that meet my standards. (That’s the tricky part.)

Short of wearing a sandwich board with painted on letters “I Am Ready. Willing. And Able…walking into a crowded public arena, ringing a cow bell, and asking aloud if there are, “Any Takers?” I haven’t a clue how to attract the type of man I am looking for.

Alas, I have decided to take advantage of feeling better and go out this weekend. I am going to try to find ‘The Place’ where smart, funny, stable, gainfully employed single people go. In order to find the other smart, funny, stable gainfully employed single people.

Can anyone tell me where that place is? I seem to have lost the directions. If you have any ideas, OTHER than the bar scene, please let me know…because while my sandwich board and bell may turn some heads in my direction, I’m not sure I want that kind of attention.


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  • derick has a lot of wisdom. Self-acceptance and the knowledge that we (you, me, the intimidating guy at the gym) are all the same are all things that lead towards being at peace. I wish I could write that finding peace were easy but I don’t think it is.

    Letting go of judging (something is bad, something is good), releasing attachment to the outcome are all part of the 7 Spiritual Laws as described by Deepak Chopra. Yeah, I keep tossing out names at you.

    I find detachment of outcome and non-judging to be so difficult but I keep working on them. Why? They create so much stress in my life! I notice that the less I judge, the more at peace I am with people. Of course I need to work more on the self-love so I am not so critical of myself!

    It’s amazing how little we all know ourselves. We’re told that “To our own self be true” but who is our true self? I wrote about “being mystified” in an earlier comment. John Bradshaw also talks about how mystified is being in a trance. When we’re in a trance we’re not aware, we’re not PRESENT.

    An example would be you’re at the bookstore buying, “The Secret” and some man you find attractive sees it in your hand and makes some innocuous comment like, “Oh, I’ve heard so much about that…is it positive thinking repackaged?”

    And you reply, “You probably think I’m an idiot for buying this, like I can’t handle my life, that I’m hoping for a magic wand…”

    If you responded that like you went into a trance…you weren’t present for his actual question, you went back to some old state and were having a conversation with someone from the past! Freaky!

    I know, getting waaaay off topic here.

    With regard to the masked party – Halloween is coming up and I like the idea! I bet you could use the Law Of Attraction to create the party. Seriously. Someone would have a venue and people would flood to bring all sorts of great food for people with food sensitivities. You will be flooded with ideas of how to get it going, you wouldn’t even be thinking of dates because you KNEW love was on its way. You’d be too busy planning the party.

  • Yeah I think many of us are in dire need of the right warm body. MsQ is famous.

  • Hi! My name is Greg and I really like your blog. Especially the post about the Fucktards. Have you considered getting a really tight t-shirt that says “I put out for smart, funny, stable gainfully employed men” ? Maybe on the back it could say “Lie to me and I’ll cut your balls off.”

    I might offend a few people—but fortunately I don’t care about that so much—but instead of reading “The Secret” and discovering that you can just wish for stuff, maybe just save your money and write Santa instead. It has the same effect.

    It really blows being alone. The good news is that you’re not alone. Yeah that’s a nice sentiment and doesn’t help. Nobody can give you an answer, and that sucks. You can either settle or try to be patient for what you want.

    Lots of people gave decent advice—well some gave shitty advice, but oh well—some gave decent advice. Stay out of bars unless you just want to drink. Meet people. Take care of yourself. Try to get through the day. Have some fun. Have more fun. Maybe you’ll meet someone. I don’t know. That kind of sucks that I don’t know because you’re swell. Golly, you’re swell (that’s all the geek talk I know).

    Have fun with life. Make the best of it. Thanks for always having something to say.

  • Come visit me in Dubai 🙂

  • Don’t hate me but I tagged you with the Nonsense Story meme – it’s fun promise!

  • hello again,
    a good place to start and the easiest is with your words that you use—words have a energy all by themselves–if they did not there would not be HATE SPEECH—the words that you use are the thoughts that you you think and the actions that you follow through with.
    you say that you like the idea of a masked party BUT you DON’T have a place to HOST it. do you think there will be a place when you have sabotaged the idea in your own mind already—you have a great blog and communicate with great people—so where are the great people in your own physical universe—it is not a question of not being able to accomplish it , you can do it,
    it is a matter of doing it in the physical realm with the people around you.
    being at peace with oneself does not come easy, but going on the road less travelled, although it seems harder and is filled with challengers, is definitely the most rewarding. start small and think big and always push the envelope on self, while never forgetting that one has to be gentle with oneself and Rome was not built in one day.
    it is great to read books and get the knowledge which has always been apart of us, but the real secret is how one assimilates the information into one’s life.
    enjoy the day

  • Oh, yeah, btw: I don’t leave a comment on this blog EVERY day. That’s exaggerating a bit. And I’m really not that short in person.

  • Meleah


    “Self-acceptance ” is missing from my vocabulary. (and thought process) When I look at myself all I see are my shortcomings / flaws / and I have waaaay tooooooo much negative thinking. THIS is the first time I am even REALIZING that what I think of me, is what I am putting out there…”into the universe” … this all too powerful and shocking.

    I think I am going to have to get a library card and pick up some of these names you keep tossing at me. I clearly have a LOT to learn. Whats good? I think I am READY and WANT to learn. Im sick of feeling and living the way I have been. Obviously the only one who can change all of this IS ME.

    I need to come to terms with who I am.


    RICARDO: You know EXACTLY what I am saying. xxoo


    “do you think there will be a place when you have sabotaged the idea in your own mind already”…. I am beginning to SEE that my OWN negative thinking makes more BAD things go my way. Instead of embracing the idea I am already focused on all the ways IT CANT happen, rather than all the ways IT CAN HAPPEN.


    GREG: A.K.A. The King Of Sarcasm.

    “getting a really tight t-shirt that says “I put out for smart, funny, stable gainfully employed men” ? Maybe on the back it could say “Lie to me and I’ll cut your balls off.” Made me laugh for the first time ALL DAY.

    “instead of reading “The Secret” and discovering that you can just wish for stuff, maybe just save your money and write Santa instead” JUST AS FUNNY.

    I have never subscribed to anything religious OR spiritual … EVER.

    Maybe ? Thats what is so lacking in my life, and is effecting my thinking and the subsequent outcome of my personal and life’s events?

    “It really blows being alone. ” …. YES. It REALLY REALLY REALLY does.

    RANDOM/ AMBER: Woman! I might just take you up on that INVITE!! (We need to get Minks, HollyGL , Dawn, Paisley, KellyPea, and all of our other favorite women too. I would LOVE an all powerful women blogger weekend together …. )

    OH….and I never “mind” being tagged by YOU. xxoo 🙂

  • Subscriptions are expensive. And you just invited every wack-job with a soapbox to come over and save your soul.

  • Meleah


  • The best friend


  • Meleah

    BFF I meant “Apparently”…. as in:


    1. readily seen; exposed to sight; open to view; visible: The crack in the wall was readily apparent.
    2. capable of being easily perceived or understood; plain or clear; obvious: The solution to the problem was apparent to all.
    3. according to appearances, initial evidence, incomplete results, etc.; ostensible rather than actual: He was the apparent winner of the election.
    4. entitled to a right of inheritance by birth, indefeasible except by one’s death before that of the ancestor, to an inherited throne, title, or other estate.
    Compare heir apparent, heir presumptive.

    —Related forms
    ap·par·ent·ly, adverb
    ap·par·ent·ness, noun

    1. discernible.
    2. open, conspicuous, manifest, unmistakable. Apparent, evident, obvious, patent all refer to something easily perceived. Apparent applies to that which can readily be seen or perceived: an apparent effort. Evident applies to that which facts or circumstances make plain: His innocence was evident. Obvious applies to that which is unquestionable, because of being completely manifest or noticeable: an obvious change of method. Patent, a more formal word, applies to that which is open to view or understanding by all: a patent error.

    —Antonyms 2. concealed, obscure.
    ap·par·ent (É™-pār’É™nt, É™-pâr’-)

    1. Readily seen; visible.
    2. Readily understood; clear or obvious.
    3. Appearing as such but not necessarily so; seeming: an apparent advantage.

    [Middle English, from Old French aparant, present participle of aparoir, to appear; see appear.]

    ap·par’ent·ly adv., ap·par’ent·ness n.

    Synonyms: These adjectives mean readily seen, perceived, or understood: angry for no apparent reason; a clear danger; clear-cut evidence of tampering; distinct fingerprints; evident hostility; manifest pleasure; obvious errors; patent advantages; making my meaning plain.

    Usage Note: Used before a noun, apparent means “seeming”: For all his apparent wealth, Pat had no money to pay the rent. Used after a form of the verb be, however, apparent can mean either “seeming” (as in His virtues are only apparent) or “obvious” (as in The effects of the drought are apparent to anyone who sees the parched fields). One should take care that the intended meaning is clear from the context.


    1. from appearances alone; “irrigation often produces bumper crops from apparently desert land”; “the child is seemingly healthy but the doctor is concerned”; “had been ostensibly frank as to his purpose while really concealing it”-Thomas Hardy; “on the face of it the problem seems minor”
    2. unmistakably (‘plain’ is often used informally for ‘plainly’); “the answer is obviously wrong”; “she was in bed and evidently in great pain”; “he was manifestly too important to leave off the guest list”; “it is all patently nonsense”; “she has apparently been living here for some time”; “I thought he owned the property, but apparently not”; “You are plainly wrong”; “he is plain stubborn” [syn: obviously]

    apˈparently adverb
    it seems that; I hear that
    Example: Apparently he is not feeling well.

  • Australian men are nice.
    Join me over here and I’ll help you in your campaign!!

    Stay away from the bars, darling…that’s the only advice I can offer!!
    Or do go to the bars, it’s up to you, but all you’ll find there is a little hanky panky and a lot of wanky wanky.
    We all know what lurks at the bar…!

    Yes, I’m all for a girls get together!!
    I’m sure together we can create some magic to attract The Perfect Man!!


  • Regarding the whole spirituality thing…I tried Christianity as a pre-teen – I mean, I gave it a shot (at that age, we want to be a part of something) but it seemed a bit rigid and hypocritical. Then there were all those scary evangelists on TV… I went from giving it a shot to being agnostic and more linear in my thinking.

    However, I have met people with deep faith and they aren’t bludgeoning others about it and well, I have seen them be generous and forgiving. It gives their lives so much meaning. I have always want to have their faith and it’s only recently that I have become more spiritual and the knowledge that we are all one…it does give life meaning.

    I believe that becoming spiritual, having spirituality in your life, enhances life. I’ve come across this in books I hadn’t expected with regards to improving your life. One book was about how to manage a business and the author described how he successfully started a business, had it run into problems, how he had some type of meltdown and as he became more spiritual (generally what happens when people go through a crisis) he not only recovered his business but he made it more successful than ever because of how he began to treat his employees.

    I have resisted spirituality for a long time. I don’t follow any particular religion. If you’re seeking a way, you will find it.

    When it comes to being alone when I opened myself up to wanting a relationship (all the defense mechanisms about not wanting a relationship were in play) I ended up feeling very alone – I felt that I would end up being alone forever. This was not a fun time. Part of me wanted to get back into my “I don’t need anyone” mindset.

    I meditated and learned more about the LoA and during one of my meditations my answer came to me: when I am ready, the right man will show up.

    Hmmmm. That really eased all this anxiety I was feeling and it allowed me to focus on the LoA instead of just feeling sad and lonely.

    THAT’s when I realized that part of me didn’t think I deserved some fantastic guy, I have decent self-esteem but I wasn’t totally accepting myself. I’ve been much calmer and really feeling like the right guy will show up when I’m ready.

    INTERESTINGLY this guy emailed me (today!) and he has a lot of what I am looking for: loves what he does (working with disadvantage teens), he hopes to make a small but positive difference it the world and he coaches kids. Positive view and big-big smile. Close to my age (43!! not 53!!) and uh, very buff. I’ve lately been having all these signs that my intentions are working (this is my 2nd email in a week and I had zippo for a month).

    Not sure if I’ll contact this guy. I’ll actually have to subscribe to respond! I figure I’ll sleep on it and see what answer comes up.

    The thing is that now, I don’t feel any rush.

    Speaking of sarcasm: I used to be really-really sarcastic. A side-effect of being more accepting of others is that I have a hard time being sarcastic. This used to be my favorite form of communication! Now when I’m around bitter and sarcastic and negative people, I end up feeling tired.

    A great place to start learning about the Law of Attraction is StevePavlina.com. There’s a link to him in my blog as well. He’s like THE GUY when it comes to Personal Development in the world o’ blogs.

  • A better source for basic info on the Law of Attraction is your friendly neighborhood WikiPedia: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Law_of_Attraction

    I love my soul-less existence. Every moment of it. The beautiful parts. The terrifying parts. It’s all good. I love to be able to tell people I love them. And I love to be able to tell people to go fuck themselves.

    The only time I ever get tired is when I’m extremely busy doing stuff, and not just thinking about doing something, actually participating in the world and making what I want come true by taking action.

    I do have to admit that when I was young I would sometimes stare at the back of women’s heads and try to will them to have sex with me. Of course it never worked. So I would have to go up to them and ask them if they wanted to fuck. That actually worked quite a bit more than the willing thing.

    No matter how bad things get or might get, I know I’ll manage through it or die trying because I effect my life directly and not make my challenges anyone else’s issue but mine.

    The platitudes and clichés are reason enough to avoid the “Personal Development” “Self-help” cesspool. The gurus steal their mantras from real writers and thinkers and all their zealots repeat them verbatim never really understanding the banal diuretic tripe spewing from their blow holes. But don’t take my word for it, read their literature and read their zealots comments. It’s like they share a brain.

    GREG: I just peeed in my pants. I LOVE YOU. I fucking LOVE YOU. That was MY FAVORITE comment EVER.

  • OMG. I go away to work for two days and you have a bunch of people you don’t know telling you how to a) live your life and b) to read about crocks of shit like the “law of attraction” featured in such tripe as “the Secret”??? I’m sure people mean well, but I’m floored. You have my number, BFF IRL. You can call anytime. I will call you tomorrow. xoxo

    LESLIE: See what happens when you aren’t around!

  • Loz

    I was gonna leave just one word “Australia” but domestic minx beat me to it 😉

    LOZ: You and Minx may be ON TO SOMETHING. I wonder if there are ANY AUSTRALIAN men in NJ ??

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