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On Moustaches…

I am not a big fan of facial hair.  No.  Let me rephrase that.  I don’t like facial hair at all. I think beards make men look ‘dirty’. I think the goatee makes any seemingly attractive man look like an escaped convict. And I think all moustaches are creepy.

That is, unless you’re Tom Selleck.


He’s the only man that can sport a moustache. And make it look sexy.

There are various types of ‘Lip Sweaters’.

According to WikiPedia some of them include the following:

  • Natural – Moustache styled without aids.
  • Mexican – Big and bushy, beginning from the middle of the upper lip and pulled to the side.
  • Dalí – narrow, long points bent or curved steeply upward; areas past the corner of the mouth must be shaved. Artificial styling aids needed. Named after Salvador Dalí.
  • English – narrow, beginning at the middle of the upper lip the whiskers are very long and pulled to the side, slightly curled; the ends are pointed slightly upward; areas past the corner of the mouth usually shaved. Artificial styling may be needed.
  • Imperial – whiskers growing from both the upper lip and cheeks, curled upward.

Other types of moustache include:

  • Fu Manchu – long, downward pointing ends, generally beyond the chin.
  • ‘Pancho Villa’ moustache – similar to the Fu Manchu but thicker.
  • Handlebar – bushy, with small upward pointing ends. Also known as the “spaghetti moustache”, because of its stereotypical association with Italian men.
  • Horseshoe – Often confused with the Fu Manchu style, the horseshoe was possibly popularized by modern cowboys and consists of a full moustache with vertical extensions from the corners of the lips down to the jaw line and resembling an upside-down horseshoe. Also known as “biker mustache”.
  • Toothbrush – thick, but shaved except for about an inch (2.5 cm) in the center; associated with Adolf Hitler.
  • Walrus – bushy, hanging down over the lips, often entirely covering the mouth.

Pretty extensive list, eh?

However, I would like to see an ‘Additional Definition’ added to the directory of moustaches. Courtesy of my friend, Terri.

Word: “Molestache”

Definition: Any creepy looking mustache that makes the wearer look like a child molester.

[*Disclaimer: I have no idea who this guy is. I just typed ‘Creepy Mustaches’ into Google and this was the first image that came up.]



Sadly, most men with facial hair are ‘Doing It Wrong’.

As demonstrated here, by comedian Jon LaJoie:

So tell me boys and girls, what do you think about moustaches and/or facial hair?

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  • Anonymous

    Careful now.  You’re dating yourself.  Next thing you’ll be saying you liked Remington Steele. 
    Since you are on line, I assume that Irene has passed and you guys made out ok?

  • Totally scary.

  • So far, so good!

  • Anonymous

    You always make me smile but the molestache is HIGH-larious! Thanks for my best laugh today.
    And for the record, I feel the same way about facial hair and Tom Selleck!





    Love you, girl!

  • Anonymous

    My point exactly.  But I’m not that kind of guy (My Inner Curmudgeon is, though).

  • Anonymous

    I actually like the goatee on most men.. It’s sexy and manly!!

  • 🙂


  • I have never liked facial hair.  I think it is because it is similar to a mask.


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