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Obsess Much?

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Except that I WILL obsess for hours, days, weeks, months, years.

(and it never fucking ends…)

I was called into yet! another! conference! by: the teacher, the vice principal and the principal because my son (still) has uncontrollable anger issues. He isn’t doing his homework (again). He is being totally disrespectful (again). He (still) isn’t getting along with the other children.

Fuckfuckfuckityfuckfuck

Long story short, he is being a dick.head. But more so, than the usual hormonal dickheadness calls for. Thus, my concern.

* sigh* … accompanied by a small *tear*
(you know the *tear* I am talking about; that single tear that rolls down one cheek while the dramatic-movie music plays softly in the background.)

I have tried everything: punishments, praise, a rewards program, time outs, grounding, yelling, screaming, pleading, begging, asking, talking, listening (yeah, I know hard to believe but, I really listened) and after all that, we got nowhere. Nooooooowhere.

The school and I have given my son at least 9988888531290387564620999 chances and opportunities to change his ways. Yet, nothing is fucking working. Not groups, not one on one, not the special attention, or special privileges, nothing. Nothing.

I wonder why I (the almighty mom n shit) cant “fix” it. I wonder what the fuck “it” is that is making him act this way… (and then there were six (or seven) giant, mostly caps lock and bolded, run-on sentence filled paragraphs, dripping with guilt and fear, horror, realizations, revelations, thoughts, ideas, concepts, possible answers, speculation and mucho obsessing, which have ALL been deleted.)

* sighs* (that are now sounding more like gasping for air) … accompanied by a lot of *tears* (which are not chemically induced by movie directors)

He won’t talk to me and he won’t talk to anyone in school. He won’t let any of us help him. Instead he has the “I don’t care” attitude towards everything. He used to be soooo sweet and appreciative. Now his is just this ungrateful spoiled rotten brat; this shit has got.to.stop. and, right quick.

Seriously, he needs to stop. I am OUT.OF.IDEAS.

I am hoping this is just some phase that will pass sooner than later, or maybe he just suffering from the same disorder that dickhead kid on HOUSE was suffering from (which was nothing by the way…. nothing other than the mother’s own damn fault, (aren’t we the ones always blamed?) So in the meantime, I am going to try to find someone he will trust to talk to and deal with whatever is eating away at him.

As for being a mother, I loved age three (I wish all kids were born at age three and stayed that age forever) but so far,
I HATE this age. 11 sucks ass.

[REVISED]

Okay people, I was considering maybe? therapy? BUT….after several phone calls, heavy duty extensive research, and speaking to a therapist that seemed to be right out of the movie Running With Scissors, my son is not ( !NOT! ) not going to some social worker, therapist, psychologist, or anything of the like. Um, no. Sorry, but I fail to make any connection as to what the hell my biological father’s genetic make up has anything to do with the fact that my son has an attitude and is not doing his homework. Yeh, um sorry doctor guy(s), but this IS NOT ABOUT ME, (the first and only time I have ever spoken those words) this is about my son.

On the same note, after thinking about this all night, all day, all night, all day again…I am sorry, but its’ not like my son is out lighting kittens on fire, or being one of those goth or emo or cutter kids. He hates those goth-emo-cutter kids. He isn’t lying, or stealing, or defacing property. He isn’t even getting into psychical fistfights. I mean really. He has an attitude. And didn’t do his homework. Yes, that calls for some stiff discipline…maybe? even corporal punishment, but therapy at $145.00 for a single 45-minute session and could take years to “make progress”. How about no. Okaythanksbye.

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  • Oh yeah, it’s Mr. Francisco to you

    To be honest Mel,

    Maybe his problem is way beyond your understanding! Maybe he is going through a hormonal change which makes less controllable. I do agree with therapy and the sooner the better.

    If you need me you know what to do.

    FV

  • Michael

    Sorry you’re going thru this. I agree as well he needs to talk to someone. I worked with kids for more than 10 years and just like adults, they have a tendency to bottle their emotions. Then when some little thing happens, they snap. It’s kinda like a balloon that just keeps filling up withe air, ya know? Usually we end up talking about things (he/she did/didn’t do this or that, etc.) and not feelings which really doesn’t do much. If it really was a matter of him not caring, he wouldn’t be angry. Just my 2 cents for what it’s worth….

    Feel free to email me or IM sometime soon if you want to talk about this.

  • meleah rebeccah

    I am (for real) STRESSED and I am trying not to act like I am…

  • Anonymous

    That explains things. 11 was about the time I told both my parents to go fuck themselves and left for 2 weeks. They were not telling me what Ithought Ineeded to know at that time and I was not asking them . It is an age where younot a man or even a young adult but you feel a sense of entitlement which comes from absolutely nowhere and no one. I reaslly do feel for you and am and always be available if you should want to talk or if he would like to talk.Did he see his father last weekend? Just curious cause there is some unresolved issue there rfor sure unless he told you what went on inside his head when he showed up on your doorstep that time. It’s a horror show. I wish you all the strength and resolve known to man and still love you both very much dickheads or not.Have A Day SWeety!!!xoxoxo
    OLLYwOOD

  • meleah rebeccah

    Of course he saw his father last weekend. And of course thats when all the shit started happening again. I let jch “take a break” from vistitation after that last incident, so for 6 weeks things have been fine… (I havent had a break, but I dont need one, I dont have a life!) but last wednesday (a week ago) I told him it was time to try another visit, that’s when he stopped doing his HW and being a DICKWAD. and when he came home on sunday from the visit he was a prick to all of us too. plus, he did the same sleep for a million hours in.a.row. when he came home agian. (sign of depression?)

    he is supposed to see his father AGAIN this weekend, but I am still doing damage control from the last visit, I dont know if jch (or I) can handle another visit.

    I have been on the phone and internet alll day trying to find an appropriate therapist. (not a social worker either)Preferably a MALE, with mad skillz in anger management.

    If anyone knows anyone?

  • Anonymous

    Yeah, don’t spend the money on a therapist… Talk to your son… Take him for a walk around the course, and ask questions… that’s what the therapist will be doing… Your son is just like U … Wants attention… His father doesn’t give it… Brian Dawson

  • Anonymous

    absolutely keep a firmm belief (and hand) but most importantly do take he walks Brian suggests and perhaps you may even surprised yourself at what there is to be learned from our children.
    KEEP THE FAITH SWEETY !!!
    olly

  • Anonymous

    Dear M
     
    Looking back from the vast eons (I’m 61, don’t forget), I have some advice. Numero Uno: Guilt is the single most unproductive human emotion there is. It’s not to be confused with accountability and/or responsibility which are extremely valuable. I have 4 children (3 sons and 1 daughter – 3 of whom are older than you) and, when they were in their teens we weren’t sure if we were saving college money or bail money. I often tell them now that they were the worst behaved children who ever lived. It’s an exaggeration but they were a real handful (I was also a single parent for several years in a time and place where that wasn’t really accepted). We all mess up our kids no matter how hard we try not to. As far as the school issue, I just kept telling my eldest son (who now runs web services for a major NY hospital) that he had no choice in the matter; the law insisted that he put in regular appearances. How well or badly his involvement went was pretty much up to him. It’s kinda like prison: you can do hard time or easy time. Hard time means acting like a stubborn dick and easy time meant doing the work and NOT acting like a stubborn dick. This advice seemed to work after a while. Whatever the case, don’t allow yourself to be sucked into the black hole of guilt. Kids have a funny way of surviving childhood but it’s crucial (I believe) that he survive while maintaining a good, healthy loving relationship with you. School will come and go; the love he shares with his mom is the spiritual food that will nourish him forever. After all, I’ve always felt that kids learn their value and who and what they are from their moms. It’s obvious that you love your son fiercely. I’ll bet he knows that too and that assurance is, at least, as important as what x + y equals. One very, very important thing in all this is how deeply you care what happens to your son. That’s a wonderful thing for you both.
     
    your friend and fellow parent
     
    Al

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