Not Buying It

I have never subscribed to any sort of religious or spiritual ideals. I have never read any of the great thinkers or philosophers. In fact, I have pretty much steered clear, and, down right rejected, any, and all things, that resemble ‘asking the universe‘ for something. For good reason.

There has always been something about the ‘self-help’ group of people that gives me a serious case of the ‘heebee jeebees’. Maybe it has something to do with the ‘cult’ high school I attended a million years ago. Maybe it has something to do with that time I spent in AA, (another million years ago), a room crawling with cliche filled mottos…which eventually turned me off to all things G-d. Maybe it is because my biological father is so far detached from reality and a Maharishi extremist. Maybe it is because I have seen one to many fanatics take things to the utmost extreme. Or maybe, it is simply because I am a usually a rational human being.

Either way, I am pretty much CLOSED minded with respects to these kinds of concepts.

But, as I am about to embark upon a new year in my life, filled with hope, in search of new things, or new ways to fill the gaping hole that is the lonely emptiness eating away at my core, I decided to take a chance.

After listening to a few people suggesting I read’The Secret’ and after listening to people suggesting I do not to read it…out of sheer curiosity, I decided to go ahead and buy it, and I read it. What harm could there be in reading a book… right?

As it turns out, I am still not buying into anything that resembles hocus pocus.

Yeah, um, I think my time would have been better spent reading a Thesaurus and expanding my vocabulary.

After reading that book, all I can say is this… I agree with Greg.

He said it best, “Instead of reading ˜The Secret™ and discovering that you can just wish for stuff, maybe just save your money and write Santa instead. It has the same effect.” Then, when he said this I just about fell on the floor laughing.

I am not trying to offend anyone who has read that book, or to those of you that have benefited from it. But, I just don’t get it. [And, I don’t WANT to.] I also don’t get the legions of scientologists or that L. Ron Hubbard guy. I don’t believe in the Bible, or in the Torah, or in the Koran, or anything of the like either. Hey, if that is what works for you, then great. For me, not so much. Alas, don’t worry your g-d fearing heads, I am not completely devoid of substance.

* What I do believe, and, what I am learning about myself, is that a lot of my problems have to do with my attitude, and actions, or lack thereof. Dare I say, I have discovered when I put negative energy ‘out there’ I get negative energy back, but more on THAT another time.

About Meleah

Mother. Writer. Television Junkie. Pajama Jean Enthusiast.
This entry was posted in Apple, Drama Drama, Friends, Life, Other Bloggers, Religion. Bookmark the permalink.

56 Responses to Not Buying It

  1. Isn’t the act of buying someone else’s book to “self help” kind of a contradiction? But I think you already knew that one. 🙂

    I REALLY hate to admit it but I think there’s a tiny grain of useful info in there (although I’ve not read the book myself). I think that success and happiness are attainable by anyone and can usually be attributed to one’s positive thinking.

    Thinking “this isn’t going to work” is usually the first sign that you’re not going to try and make something work (such was the case when you opened this book).

    It seems though that controlling one’s own head is the last thing on people’s mind.

    Oops. You didn’t want to hear my beliefs. But I typed all of those words all by myself! With my fingers! Oh well, delete, disregard, retract, etc.

  2. The best friend says:

    no comment

  3. paisley says:

    i am with you all the way… i know my bias is due to having been born into a family that went all jehovahs witness on my ass… but dang… i cant even bring myself to be open minded about the whole god thing any more… i am sickened to the point of nausea by any form of organized religion…

  4. HollyGL says:

    Hmmm, well I will say that it is all about balance. An extreme mindset in ANY direction isn’t what I would consider beneficial, but that’s just me. Just do/believe whatever instills in you what you consider to be healing and positive.

  5. Selma says:

    I was raised in a very strict Irish Catholic family and I have very little faith in religion. I’ve seen too much hypocrisy for that. My mother often says I will be struck by lightning for my attitude – wrath of God and all that, but I’m prepared to take my chances. I believe, like you, in a positive attitude. It really does come back to you tenfold. Treating people with kindness, respect and compassion; and being true to myself – that’s my religious/new age mantra.

  6. Michael C says:

    There is a lot to be said for Karma. There is also a lot to be said for thinking good thoughts. I think a lot of it has to do with having the right outlook. That’s why I try to always keep a good outlook no matter what is happening, even medically, to me. Except for work. I really, really hate that place…
    😉

  7. Meleah says:

    JASON: I agree that it has to do with your mindset. ( I would never delete you, even if I disagreed with you)
    —–
    PAISLEY: Me too.
    —–
    HOLLY: Yes. Balance my friend. Too much of anything is a bad thing.
    —–
    SELMA: I like the way you think.
    —–
    MICHAEL: Oh I know, I can think ‘possitive’ about a lot of things but my office IS NOT one of them.

  8. Watching Dr Phil may be more helpful than any of those books.
    Having said that, I do believe in God though.

  9. Greg says:

    Balance is good, but you have to be careful with the term in general. We could create an invalid argument that we should balance between fantasy and reality. This is similar to the idiotic English professor who teaches “Teach the debate” that the “Intelligent Design” people co-opted. This puts us in a position of debating issues that are not really debatable. Sometimes we have to tell people to keep their secrets to themselves because they are too stupid to debate.

    Balance from the perspective of this topic means to be both open minded and skeptical about information until it can either be shown to be reasonable or invalid. Often people try to use the concept of balance or debate to maintain invalid arguments.

    I would be careful with lumping all “thinking” together. Look at arguments individually. People enter cults because they identify with some ideas the cult supports, but usually not all, and it gives them a community to be part of. For example, I fully support the Christian notion that people should love each other. BUT, I have a very specific idea and qualification about what love is and means. It is also important from a cultural viewpoint to be familiar with cultural icons like bibles, literature, art, music, pop culture, etc. So I would say it IS important to know what “The Secret” entails because it has become a pop culture icon, but it is also important from another perspective to understand that it is not anything new AND its premises are invalid.

    I disagree with Jason – GorillaSushi about positive thinking influencing success. His argument is a common misunderstanding that I used to share at one point. The first problem is that he places happiness as an end goal. This mentality is what really sends people into psychotherapy.

    Happiness is not a static sensation. Nothingness is a static sensation. Happiness is a transitional sensation. Even psychologists would say that a constant state of happiness is a form of mania. That isn’t what we really want. This is where HollySS’s balance comment is applicable. We want a balance in our life of emotions. We don’t want to lean too far toward sadness, nor too far toward happiness. Bad stuff will ALWAYS happen to us, that’s the nature of the universe. I’ll lock my keys in the car, I’ll lose a loved one, I’ll get sick. Doesn’t matter how great a job I have or get, some stuff you just can’t stop. The balance comes in because this stuff shouldn’t destroy us. We can still experience happiness in other ways. Without sadness there would be no happiness so we actually need them both. So first it is invalid to place happiness as a goal. This is like putting money as a goal. It isn’t the money, it’s what you would do with the money that counts (and I could deconstruct this further but I’ll save that for another time).

    Positive thinking is another misunderstood concept. Success is about action and competence, that’s all. I can say fuck fuck fuckity fuck. I can call my neighbor a dumbass. I can say your argument sucks donkey balls. I can do a lot of things that will in no way hinder my success. And a lot of people will call these actions negative.

    If I drop a ball, I don’t have to think positive thoughts for it to fall to the ground. And my thinking that this stupid little fucking good-for-nothing ball will never make it to the ground won’t make the ball magically fly up into the air. So why would thinking effect an action you take?

    Taking action is what leads to success. But actions also lead to failure. That is why the most successful people have generally made the most mistakes in life. Despite their failures they keep taking action and eventually through shear force of numbers of actions, eventually they succeed. So successful people don’t give up. You can be more efficient by learning from your own and other people’s failures in order to reach success more quickly. You can increase your general knowledge base in order to take more effective actions. Or you can increase a specific knowledge base to be efficient in a particular area of your life. None of this has anything to do with positive or negative thinking. As I’ve mentioned in my blog, lots of successful people are complete assholes. I’m living proof.

    Now we CAN say there is a correlation between unsuccessful people and negative thinking, and there is a correlation between successful people and positive thinking. But this does not imply cause and effect. Cause and effect is an observational phenomenon, not an objective one.

    Unsuccessful people tend to be people who react rather than act. People that really don’t DO anything. They let life happen to them rather than taking action. Many novels are written this way where the protagonist doesn’t actually act to make things happen, but only responds to things around him/her. These are pulp novels, without much substance. So people that live pulp lives tend to think it sucks because it does suck to live a pulp life. They tend to lean toward more sadness in their life because of the simple fact they are not DOING anything. The irony is that people tend to be happier acting and failing, than never acting at all despite a large fear of failure.

    And so likewise, people that eventual find success tend to seem happier. I would argue they aren’t. They at least have an equal amount of happiness and sadness in their life. The difference is that we transfer a sense of happiness to them because we think we would be happier having what they have, when in reality that is not the case.

    I left a lot of holes in my reply, but most people probably stopped reading long before now. So I’ll leave the stuff in between for another time.

    BTW: Since I tend to be anal about not posting about stuff other people post about, you’ve ruined several of my future posts. Bitch.

  10. Greg says:

    I think my reply got blocked.

  11. Greg says:

    Does that mean I can’t say fuck ?

  12. Greg says:

    That’s odd, I’ll email it to you.

  13. Meleah says:

    GREG: What do you mean you were blocked? FUCK FUCK FUCKITY FUCK FUCK. (nope…it cant be the word Fuck.) Not cool. Hmm… I checked my wordpress comments spam folder…your comment has been POSTED .

    RMH: I believe in GOD…just not religion.

  14. Greg says:

    Hey look there it is. I guess my words were so powerful it took a while for the Internet to process them. Probably just the FBI.

  15. Dan says:

    L. Ron Hubbard? Shudder ….

  16. Meleah says:

    Greg: I love being a BITCH. But….I have to TAKE MY TIME and CHOSE my words wisely before I leave a real reply.

    ——

    DAN: No kidding!

  17. Leslie says:

    Greg you are totally on Shrub’s radar now, I’m telling you. 😉

  18. Ms. Q says:

    Hey, you gave it a shot! I have avoided all things smacking of cults and organized religion just because I saw hypocrisy and well, self-righteousness. However, I also saw people who had faith and love and lived their beliefs and would only tell you about them if you asked.

    If anything, happiness is a balance of attitude, beliefs and actions and creativity. I’ve noticed that when you’re in a positive state, you see more possibilities which taps into creativity. When you’re in a negative state you rarely see solutions to your problems.

    It’s great that you’re looking into different things to find your way to your purpose. It’s much better than focusing on “Is this freakin’ IT?” and turning on the TV to tune out.

    I like Selma’s “religion”!

  19. Greg says:

    There’s an example of using “balance” to bring in invalid premises. I can be happy with or without attitude, belief, or creativity so they must not really have anything to do with it.

    I get a lot of answers from negative states. Ask any artist with any medium. Some artists even claim that art could not exist without sadness. Whenever my clients hired me to do a job, they really didn’t seem to care how happy I was. I had to find solutions whether I was happy, sad, high, depressed, or whatever. And I did.

    Much of the positive thinking ideology only gets people to change the way they look at themselves rather than actually changing anything. Basically it’s a way to be content with what you have. Even if this were your only goal, it is still a temporary state because we need change in our life. So at some point your new outlook won’t be able to hold back the ennui of a stagnant life of no action.

    Success and failure doesn’t occur because of belief. It occurs despite belief. We can find people of all faiths, beliefs, and lack of beliefs in the tops of their fields or getting what they want from life. This tells me more than anything that belief is not a factor, so there must be something else they are doing, or maybe something other people are not doing.

  20. Meleah says:

    “Much of the positive thinking ideology only gets people to change the way they look at themselves rather than actually changing anything.”

    In my particular case I feel like thats the only thing I think I need to change

    …I NEED TO CHANGE THE WAY I LOOK AT MYSELF….

    (to be continued comment)

  21. Greg says:

    What you describe is the same effect that drugs or alcohol or mania provides. At some point you would sober up to what is going on in your life. So I would describe the positive thinking ideology as a self-induced mania.

    Why do I look at myself differently than you look at yourself? Or if you prefer why do any two people look at themselves differently?

    It is because each person goes through a series of different experiences. Our outlook, whether external or personal, is based on what we have observed in the past (experienced). I would add that those experiences that we get vicariously, through reading or other second hand way, can influence us slightly, but not really change our perception until we actually act in a manner conducive of it.

    We might read a book that moves us. But until we actually start taking actions based on what that book describes, we will revert to our old habits and behaviors. The more we make similar actions, the more likely it becomes habit and part of our character.
    You can arbitrarily change how you think about yourself, but that doesn’t change who you are. I can all of a sudden think of myself as a football player, but that doesn’t make me one. I can arbitrarily think of myself as a writer, but that doesn’t make me one. I can arbitrarily think of myself as a nice guy, but that doesn’t make me one. Only my actions define who I am.

    Part of the reason people get out of whack is that they have this disconnect in how they conceive of themselves and what their actions define them to be. I might claim to be an animal lover, but if I beat my dog then I have created a disjunction between my belief and reality. I might say I’m not that great of a chess player, but if I consistently win games then again there is a disjunction. We need to move away from belief and focus on observation if we want the most from life (however you define that). Only then can we determine what actions we need to take to reach our goals.

    What you may be trying to say is that you need to get a proper perspective of your life. Or in other words, you need to see your life for what it is, rather than what you think it is. This is the opposite of what you actually stated. This has nothing to do with positive thinking. It is about calling a flower a flower and a piece of shit a piece of shit.

  22. Dawn says:

    oh meleah this is like deja vu… i have a post written in the same vein but just haven’t posted it.
    I have been told to read the Secret so many times… i just ignored it because i knew it was just more of the same shit I’ve read before. There is no secret.
    The Bible, The Torah, The Koran…. they served their purpose as a guide for living during that time but I don’t think taking these “works” literally serves anyone… except the fanatical.
    I just live my life the best I can according to my own conscience and take everything I hear with a healthy dose of skepticism.
    Besides, either I’ll know EVERYTHING when I’m dead… or I’ll know NOTHING!
    😉

  23. Ms. Q says:

    I am not seeing how you can be in any state (happy or sad) without some attitude or belief. I mean, are we “just happy” or “just sad” without some type of underlying belief? For example, I am generally happy. Not always, but I tend towards being happy. My belief is that life is a gift and that despite whatever pain I may be going through, things will become better.

    I know one person who is unhappy and angry most of the time. He told me that “Life is a cruel joke.” That is his belief system. It may be a chicken and egg thing with his life not working out which created this belief that life is a cruel joke or.. not. He thinks I’m somewhat of a Pollyanna when I say, “Well, I believe that when bad things happen to me, it will put me in a space where something better will happen.” He tells me, “Well, that’s how YOUR life works.”

    I agree that you can get answers while in a negative state. I should have been more precise as it does depend on the person. The people I’ve seen in negative states were depressed. They saw no answers and life was just one big problem or overwhelming. Their attitude was one of hopelessness.

    Greg said: “What you may be trying to say is that you need to get a proper perspective of your life. Or in other words, you need to see your life for what it is, rather than what you think it is.”

    You said: …I NEED TO CHANGE THE WAY I LOOK AT MYSELF….

    What Greg said about people getting out of whack because there is a disconnect between perception and reality is true. This actually ties in with how you perceive yourself. You have to make a realistic and honest evaluation of yourself and what you are doing. You do need to know what you have (all the facts) before you can move towards your goal.

    For example, you say to yourself, “I’m unworthy, no good at writing, I suck at X, Y and Z. Suck-suck-suckity-suck.”

    What’s the reality? Maybe you do suck at X but not Y and Z. What can you do to change this?

    The other side is you believe you are a writer but aren’t writing anything (I know this one!) with respect to your “real” writing. So your actions are “I’m not a writer”

    There does have to be congruency between thoughts and actions for a goal to be reached.

  24. Leslie says:

    Wait, you made TBF/QOP/JW speechless? I did not think that was possible, Melz. 😉 I keed I keed…

  25. Mike says:

    Hi Meleah! (waving…!)

  26. Becky says:

    I have resisted commenting on “The Secret” because I know there are so many believers and I did not want to offend. But since you brought it up. It is just repackaged hogwash, and the only thing it “attracts” is money to the hucksters that put a hodge podge of stuff together and repackaged it .

    ~Becky

  27. Greg says:

    Ms. Q: I am not seeing how you can be in any state (happy or sad) without some attitude or belief.

    This is due to an observational error. We tend to only observe moments of extremes like happiness and sadness, and we overlook our common neutral state.

    I always thought the question “Are you happy?” to be silly because it implies a constant state of happiness. At this moment that I’m typing away, I’m not really happy and I’m not really sad. I’m in this neutral state. I’m not afraid or expectant. Nothing describes it except neutrality. It’s really a peaceful state.

    We move in and out of emotional states very quickly. They seem longer than they actually are because our bodies take time to adjust to the chemicals that were released in our bodies; it takes time to move toward a state of equilibrium. Problems arise when we constantly hit the internal happy or sad button and keep our system full of happy or sad juice. Our equilibrium shifts and we need more energy to push the happy or sad button or we come to need our equilibrium to be excessively happy or sad.

    Emotional states are transitory while beliefs tend to last a long time. One might believe in U.F.O.’s during times of happiness or sadness, fear or courage. Happiness is a state caused by the release of chemicals in the body. The only thing that effects when these chemicals get released is the association your brain has created, the trigger. These triggers are really arbitrary and develop over time.

    I’ll eventually do a post on this, but the simplified version is that when we take action or experience a sensation, the data filters through our brain for a bit until our brain returns a result of some variations of pleasure or pain, possibly both. Our brain may report back many instances of pleasure and pain because our brain may trigger many memories. As a crude analogy one might think of the return as a kind of Morse code where pleasure is dashes and pain is dots. This in turn triggers the appropriate chemical release: Happy juice or sad juice.

    We can affect our biochemical pump in different ways like introducing chemicals into our body: alcohol, cheeseburger, etc. Or we can create a self-induced mania by creating our own triggers, such as convincing yourself that saying hi to everybody makes you happy. If you tell yourself that enough times that could create a trigger (perhaps a mild trigger). But you haven’t changed your actual life. This is the same effect of just taking drugs to change your chemical state only it is socially acceptable.

  28. Random Magus says:

    I think we all get s attached to our points of view that we forget that each and everyone of us is different and the things that give us satisfaction or happiness are different too. Some people do convince themselves that everything is going totally okay in their world no matter what and thus stay happy. I know someone like that. Whwetehr they create their own endorphins or trigger point what does ti matter if they eventually figure out how to be happy?
    If the goal is to be happy how does it matter if its self induced?
    Maybe we should run a regression and test the correlation?

  29. olly says:

    ATTITUDE?
    WHAT ATTITUDE????
    =))
    XOXOXO
    OLLY

  30. magickat says:

    Oh my god I totally came here from Michael’s blog to talk to you about tube socks but now I need to talk to you about your post.

    In the business that I work in everyone and their mother (and I am not just using the tired phrase – I relly do mean their mother’s, too) talk about this fucking The Secret bullshit. It’s SO ridiculous. What makes it so ridiculous is that really the basic idea seems to be… think positive and you will get what you wish for. Basically it’s a whole fucking series of books, and the latest religious revolution, that tells people to be optimistic.

    What in the hell is that. People need to read a book that tells them to do before actually just doing something so simple on their own?

    And when you ask people what is The Secret they get all aloof and secretive and tell you they can’t actually tell you? That they you have to read the books on your own and discover it for yourself?

    Ugh! It’s such a load of horseshit.

    Anyway I came here to tell you that yes – striped tube socks are totally back in style (at least here in New York). It’s nice to know someone is as excited about it as I am.

    Take care.

  31. magickat says:

    PS – sorry about all the typos in my previous comment. The Secret just really pisses me off.

  32. Loz says:

    So is the pursuit of happiness an instinct? If it is then a desire for happiness should be evident in all societies but the things that make us happy will be different depending upon that social or cultural context.

    Mel – I’m with you up to a point with The Secret – I just wish I’d written the book and become a multi-millionaire in doing it. Then I’d be really happy 🙂

  33. HomerSimpson says:

    Sorr if this appears multiple times. The first few did not show up.

    http://www.whatthebleep.com/synopsis/

  34. Meleah says:

    Leslie: Um. YEAH. Its like a MIRACLE.

    —–

    MIKE: HI! (waving back) Miss you dood

    ——

    DAWN: I just … I cant with… its all too… well, you know.

    ——

    OLLY: Me? +Tude? = Never. (yeah, right)

    —–

    Greg: I WILL get back to you. still picking and choosing my words. (damn you)

    ——

    HOMER: at least you were forced to send me an email, and now I KNOW your NAME. whee. (I *heart* my spam folder that denies all things ‘shady’ unless I check them and approve…..) And you, have been “approved” …even though you are “shady”. 🙂

    —–

    AMBER: Its just a book, and, a waste of time. Stay with the Post Cards, at least they are ORIGINAL…-. xxoo

    —–

    MAGIC CAT: Dood, It is all about Tube Socks … with STRIPES (right now). At least THEY are back in style… Fo. Sho. (Relax…. I have at least 75 type-os A DAY….its a blog, and, its just a comment. (You will NOT be graded)

    Ps… Thanks for dropping by. I *heart* Michael.

    ——

    BECKY: Your welcome.

  35. Greg says:

    That What the Bleep movie is more new age tripe. I watched like 30 minutes of it before I had to stop because it was horrible. Usually I would watch or read the whole thing, but it was painful. Not just a bad argument, but watching it was like listening to bad elevator music, not just elevator music, but BAD elevator music. They quote a few scientists out of context to try to support their crazy talk. This movie is right up there with “The Secret.”

    Random Magus’s comment assumes happiness is the goal. One of my points is that happiness CANNOT be a goal. Happiness isn’t a permanent state.

    I do agree in general with the attitude that people should do whatever rocks their boat. I have two exceptions: 1) only if it doesn’t interfere with others; and 2) they don’t complain about their lives because if you complain then obviously you seek something else.

    Focusing on happiness as a goal is like using drugs. To keep the effect constant you need more because your body develops tolerance. We NEED our other emotions to create a “balanced” equilibrium point. To make it worse, unlike drugs, you often cannot just increase the dose.

    Eating hamburgers might make me happy. But if I keep eating hamburgers my happiness will only increase to a certain point. Maybe I can eat hamburgers for a few days in a row, but then they start tasting bad to me. This actually happened to me with grilled cheese sandwiches, and I didn’t eat them for a few years.

    The classic Greek philosophers are often misunderstood because in English we read that they sought out the GOOD. But this is a problem of translations because what they sought was actually closer to EXCELLENCE. A more famous text from this period is the Nicomachean Ethic (Aristotle) which makes a conclusion that moderation is the best way to live. This is the best to achieve EXCELLENCE, not GOOD. I would recommend everyone read this (not an easy read) instead of “The Secret” even though I don’t agree with everything in it. I blame poor translation for a lot of later attempts to seek happiness as an end.

    Our feelings of discontent or ennui don’t arise from a lack of happiness; they arise from a lack of growth or stagnation. We can apply this to our jobs, our relationships, or whatever. We need growth. If you combine this with what I mentioned earlier, that we need both happiness and sadness, then we can create an argument that failure serves us just as much as success.

    So we CAN just brainwash ourselves and create random triggers for happiness. I can’t really argue against doing this because it is no different then when I drink alcohol. But if I were to depend on alcohol as my source of relief, the rest of my life would suffer, and I would eventually burn myself out and die. Again I personally don’t have a problem with someone choosing this lifestyle as long as they don’t drag other people down with them and they don’t complain, or at least they keep their complaints to themselves.

    Most people don’t have the discipline to maintain this kind of lifestyle. Eventually they start complaining. The brainwashed person will eventually need to reinforce their triggers or more likely create new triggers. If they don’t die, then they will probably eventually run out of triggers.

    So the pursuit of happiness as an end goal only leads to wasted energy. Some wasted energy is fine, but eventually it drains us to the point of collapse and sometimes death. It’s growth that we actually seek. We can use this to explain deterioration of relationships and divorce, mid-life crisis, questioning of belief or faith, and why raising children is such a powerful experience.

  36. Leslie says:

    mmmmm. burgeeeeeers.

  37. Rolando says:

    This will sound corney, but I guess you can always follow your heart. The feelings you get must come from somewhere. That source must be guiding you somehow.

    Some people might call that love and some people call God love 🙂 It’s all confusing.

  38. Geedos says:

    I feel inferior because my comment is only eleven words long. 🙂

  39. Meleah says:

    GEEDOS; ha! ha! ha! I love THAT comment.

  40. Meleah says:

    GREG: I am still working on a REPLY.

  41. Micki says:

    Meleah – it seems to me, from reading what you write everyday, that you are searching for ways to open your mind and make your life different. The content of the book wasn’t for you and didn’t offer you any advice or answers that were relevant to you in your life. What-ever – little time was wasted and now you know what you don’t want to spend more time thinking about. You are one step closer to understanding what you do want to think about.
    I watched “The Secret” for the same reason I watched “The Passion”. Curiosity.
    The number of self-help books I have read haven’t fixed me, byt, may have opened a new thought window. The next task is not to overthink!
    We learn more about you to love everyday.

  42. derick says:

    hello meleah,
    i hope you are well; are you or is that a secret—
    you should trust in your instincts more—the real secret is who you are as an individual and what you have to offer and there certainly is no question in my mind that you will come up short or wanting.
    to have a wilingness and a curiosity for life is the most important.
    to be able to dig deep and past all the preprogramming and reach the authentic you….then the emptiness will disappear .
    take care
    derick

  43. I’m dubious of anything that’s been organized into easily digested, bite sized pieces for the masses….

  44. Greg says:

    I agree with Micki from a specific perspective that any information is valuable, even to simply know what a group of people might be thinking regardless if it is valid or invalid. But I prefer spending my time learning valid information, rather than information that is worthless.

    The danger is that it is difficult for a person in search of answers to walk away from a guru who is skilled with words and makes them sound like their own and makes them sound believable. It takes some skill to break down an argument and expose it as false. And it takes some confidence to be able to walk away. These gurus take advantage of people searching for answers because they often are at a point in their lives when they are weak in both of these respects. That’s exactly why normally intelligent people get sucked into cults.

    The statement from Micki, “You are one step closer to understanding what you do want to think about,” isn’t true. Assuming The Secret isn’t for you and you just read it, then you are back at the beginning. You have not made any forward motion. You have to start again.

    Now we can look at another couple of statements:

    1) “What-ever – little time was wasted

    and

    2) “The number of self-help books I have read haven’t fixed me, [but], may have opened a new thought window.”

    The most valuable commodity we have is time. It is priceless because it can never be replaced. If you continue to read book after book, or watch movie after movie, or listen to guru after guru, where the information they contain is invalid, you will waste a large part of your life that you can never get back. Why would you continue to do something that doesn’t produce the results you want?

    And I totally disagree, as you might expect, with the statement: “The next task is not to over think!” That’s exactly what a new-age or self-help or positive-thinking guru would want you to do, because if you think, you’ll discover that they are full of crap.

    Now what exactly is a “thought window”? I thought we weren’t supposed to over think? And how does one “over” think? Their brain overheats? There is no such thing as over thinking. This is a rhetorical device to manipulate the target not to think too much about what is being said. “Thought window” doesn’t mean anything; it is a metaphor to something. Maybe it is a metaphor to a new way of thinking? So do we think or don’t we? What this implies is that there is a “proper” way to think. It is ok to think in terms of the mantras, but don’t think outside of them. I don’t think Micki intended to mean that, but I believe she picked it up at least subconsciously through the guru stuff and is just repeating it.

    Thinking is hard work. Change and/or success requires hard work. People don’t like to accept that. They want an easy way out. They want to take a pill to solve their problems, or read part of a book. They want other people to do the thinking for them. And the gurus are more than happy to step in and do this for you for the low price of $19.95.

    President Bush tends not to over think. How successful do you consider him?

  45. Leslie says:

    Hey Melz, do you think honey would be upset if I crush on Greg’s logic for a while? 😉

  46. Meleah says:

    I have A LOT to think about. Weather its OVER thinking or UNDER thinking. It needs to be done.

    In the meantime, LESLIE….LET IT RIP. I love Greg, but I love a battle of brains MORE.

  47. Greg says:

    Please, crush away, don’t be gentle, I like it rough.

  48. beth says:

    I have to agree, I saw a whole hour of this book on Oprah and I was a bit surprised that she dedicated that hour to it. I have trouble believing that all you have to do is “think it” and it will happen for you. I bet a lot of people with terminal illnesses try really hard to think it away and rarely do they get the results they hope for. I guess I am just too realistic to get caught up in the magic of it all.

  49. Meleah says:

    Greg darling,

    First of all I am completely intimidated to reply to any of the scary smart comments you have left. I am EVERYTHING you described: a stagnant, fearful, disconnected, passive, aggressive, sad, ignorant, complainer…

    However, I will attempt to create a reply and ask you a few questions:

    Your words are italicized so that I can tell who is saying what where.

    “Balance is good, but you have to be careful with the term in general. We could create an invalid argument that we should balance between fantasy and reality.”

    I just need to balance MY TIME, and MY EMOTIONS better. I have too many things on my plate that all require the same amount of attention. It can be very overwhelming.

    “I have a very specific idea and qualification about what love is and means.”

    Can / Will you elaborate on your definition of love?

    “The first problem is that people place happiness as an end goal.”

    I am not saying that I expect to be happy all the time every day. That is insane. But I would like to be happy more OFTEN then I am currently experiencing.

    “So why would thinking effect an action you take?”

    For me, when I think, “I don’t want to go to work, I hate my job, my actions reflect that thinking. I become hostile, argumentative, and resentful. I end up treating the people around me like shit, because I am unhappy. But, when I wake up in the morning and think hey my job is just for now, until something better comes along, at least I have great health benefits, my actions reflect those thoughts as well. I become more productive, work harder and I am much more pleasant to be around.

    “Much of the positive thinking ideology only gets people to change the way they look at themselves rather than actually changing anything. Basically it’s a way to be content with what you have.”

    It would be nice if for 5 minutes I could be content with what I have. I used to be. When I first moved in to my condo 4 years ago, I felt like I had arrived. I loved my house, my job, I was proud of how far I had come. I never thought I would survive the transition from life A to life B. But now, I feel like I have been at a stand still for 3 years. I am just going through the motions. Like a robot. Pay Bills-check, Clean House-check, Go To Work-check… I don’t have the same satisfaction or gratitude any more.

    “Even if this were your only goal, it is still a temporary state because we need change in our life.”

    But, WHAT can I change? What ACTIONS can I take to CHANGE any of that? Those are all things I HAVE to do to survive. However, I can change the way I think about it… right?

    “Now we CAN say there is a correlation between unsuccessful people and negative thinking, and there is a correlation between successful people and positive thinking.”

    Yes. Thank you.

    “Unsuccessful people tend to be people who react rather than act. People that really don’t DO anything. They let life happen to them rather than taking action.”

    I am GUILTY of that one. I whine and complain and do nothing to change any of it.

    “Ask any artist with any medium. Some artists even claim that art could not exist without sadness.”

    Agreed.

    I don’t dislike sadness.

    I personally think of my emotions as being on a pendulum. As far into sadness the pendulum swings, it will swing just as far into happiness. I have NO CONCEPT of what “middle ground”, “neutrality” or a “state of peace” feels like.

    Sometimes I think I like sadness too much… I gravitate towards misery. I create my own misery. I wonder? Am I only happy when I have something to be sad / bitch about?

    “Much of the positive thinking ideology only gets people to change the way they look at themselves rather than actually changing anything.”

    In my particular case I feel like that’s a BIG thing I think I need to change.
    I NEED TO CHANGE THE WAY I LOOK AT MYSELF.

    “Success and failure doesn’t occur because of belief. It occurs despite belief.”

    That is insanely powerful statement.

    “What you may be trying to say is that you need to get a proper perspective of your life. Or in other words, you need to see your life for what it is, rather than what you think it is. This is the opposite of what you actually stated. This has nothing to do with positive thinking. It is about calling a flower a flower and a piece of shit a piece of shit.”

    Well, I can say my life is both? My life is a flowery piece of shit.

    “Our outlook, whether external or personal, is based on what we have observed in the past (experienced).”

    True.

    “We might read a book that moves us. But until we actually start taking actions based on what that book describes, we will revert to our old habits and behaviors.”

    Agreed.

    “You can arbitrarily change how you think about yourself, but that doesn’t change who you are.”

    And, what if I don’t like who I am?

    “Or we can create a self-induced mania by creating our own triggers, such as convincing yourself that saying hi to everybody makes you happy. If you tell yourself that enough times that could create a trigger (perhaps a mild trigger). But you haven’t changed your actual life. This is the same effect of just taking drugs to change your chemical state only it is socially acceptable.”

    Um. Okay.

    “I do agree in general with the attitude that people should do whatever rocks their boat. I have two exceptions: 1) only if it doesn’t interfere with others; and 2) they don’t complain about their lives because if you complain then obviously you seek something else.”

    I am COMPLANING because I AM seeking something else. I just don’t know how too obtain it.

    “Our feelings of discontent or ennui don’t arise from a lack of happiness; they arise from a lack of growth or stagnation.”

    Yes. I feel like I haven’t GROWN at all in years.

    “But I prefer spending my time learning valid information, rather than information that is worthless.”

    AMEN.

    “The statement from Micki, “You are one step closer to understanding what you do want to think about,” isn’t true. Assuming The Secret isn’t for you and you just read it, then you are back at the beginning. You have not made any forward motion. You have to start again.”

    Exactly. I have gained nothing; I have simply lost time I will never get back that could have been otherwise spent.

    “And I totally disagree, as you might expect, with the statement: “The next task is not to over think!” That’s exactly what a new-age or self-help or positive-thinking guru would want you to do, because if you think, you’ll discover that they are full of crap.”

    Because if you think, you’ll discover that they are full of crap. Made me laugh out loud.

    “Thinking is hard work. Change and/or success requires hard work. People don’t like to accept that. They want an easy way out. They want to take a pill to solve their problems, or read part of a book.”

    I am willing to work. I am. I am not looking for the easy way out. I have tried and failed with pills and drugs and AA and therapy psycho babble since I was 8 years old.

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