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  • Jay

    I think it’s completely normal to have a mini meltdown shortly after beginning a journey like this, therapy, reorientation, whatever you like to call it.

    Those labels are just that. Labels. You wouldn’t be ashamed if someone called your illness ‘pancreatitis’ or ‘diabetes’ so why should be feel less valuable because the label is ‘bi-polar’ or ‘anxiety’? All of those could be called chemical imbalances – it’s just that the first two affect the physical body and the second two affect the mind. No need to be afraid of the labels.

    They don’t define you, they define what may be causing you certain problems. You should also remember that you probably won’t fit into the text-book description of those things, hardly anyone does! No need to feel you have to be, think, or feel any different because of what someone wrote in a medical record.

    You’re still the same person. Laugh if you want to. Sleep if you want to. Scream and throw cushions if you want to. Everyone does, from time to time – and don’t expect too much of yourself, you’ll need some time to do nothing.

    I’m sorry about the restaurant and the allergic reaction. That sucks. I do believe that general twitchiness can contribute to body reactions, so you may find that will happen less as you settle down too. I hope so.

    Calm down, don’t panic. We all still love you. 😉

    *Hugs*

  • Meleah

    EmployeeNo3699:
    Thank you so very much for your awesomely kind words and kick ass support.
    xxoo

    CoutrneyRyan:
    “Crazy is the person who is denying anything is wrong”

    Agreed.

    “Once she allowed the “toddler/little kid” that she was emotionally to come out, she found herself to be much more patient. Can you be patient with little ones? If so, you have the ability to be patient with yourself while you learn this process too.”

    Wow. That was a GREAT analogy. That thinking just might help me be more patient.

    xxoo
    🙂

    Jay:
    “They don’t define you, they define what may be causing you certain problems.”

    That makes a lot of sense to me, an makes me feel a whole lot better about those labels.

    “you’ll need some time to do nothing.”

    I think part of my problem is that I am still trying to do too mch, or expect too much of myself. I really should be using all of October for DOWN TIME.

    Hugs back to you!
    Thank you for your encouragement and support
    xxoo

  • Meleah, Trust me when I tell you that every single one of us, were we to be “evaluated” psychologically, would be labeled with at least one personality disorder or another. I’m completely serious. Don’t allow them to define you. They are not YOU. While I do believe that Cognitive Behavioral Therapy can be hugely effective, its also about your waking up every morning and saying to yourself, “What can I do today to feel good”. I don’t care if its hanging out at the Mac store for three hours, it doesn’t matter. What matters is that you do every little thing you can think of to feel better/good/happy. Even if it takes awhile to kick in, it will. And it will feel like a brand new day, and, eventually, a brand new life.

    I’m not trying to minimize what you’re experiencing by any stretch. I just want to impress upon you that sometimes the tiniest of shifts can overcome the most daunting of outlooks. Try it. Baby steps. Let that be your mantra: I’m taking baby steps to feel better. …and you don’t need all kinds of patience. You’ll experience the changes pretty quickly, and eventually, they’ll sustain you for a long enough time that your down periods will be the exception to the norm.

    As far as your meal at that restaurant. It wasn’t the Universe dishing up your misery, it was either the idiocy of your waiter or the chef. Ugh! I have to say that if your mom can find a doctor to get your physical health under control, all else would fall into place. I really believe it is that that’s messing with your all around chemistry, and leaving you feeling the way you have been.

    Your parents will never throw you out. You know that. I know you feel awful about their having to witness what you’re going through, but I’m completely certain that they would rather have you close by.

    Again, I feel preachy. Its just that I know how wonderful you are, and I want you to GET that. It will take time, I know. And I know that even if the entire planet told you you were spectacular, the effect would be temporary. You have to believe it yourself. And you will. Baby steps, Meleah. Breathe. I love you, my friend. xoxo

  • Meleah

    Stephanie:
    “Don’t allow them to define you. They are not YOU.”

    Okay. I wont.

    “What matters is that you do every little thing you can think of to feel better/good/happy. Even if it takes awhile to kick in, it will. And it will feel like a brand new day, and, eventually, a brand new life.”

    AWESOME ADVICE

    “find a doctor to get your physical health under control, all else would fall into place. I really believe it is that that’s messing with your all around chemistry, and leaving you feeling the way you have been.”

    That’s exactly how I feel. The not eating, and the bad reactions when I do eat MESS up my whole body. Chemically. And BADLY.

    And you are NOT being preachy. You are being a GREAT friend.
    I love you too.

    xxoo
    🙂

  • I think that your a sweet, courageous, honest person. I wish you well.

    I read this post last night, and became angry so I needed to sleep on it. As you may recall I’m not crazy about therapist, (except the few that have blogs that I frequent.) I won’t burden you with a lot of my cynical questions/comments. Let me just give you a bit of practical advice concerning the meds.

    I would recommend you get a current drug handbook. Be aware of what they want to giving you, and the side effects. I would also go to a good pharmacy that has an automatic check on how the various drugs react to one another. Personally I wouldn’t take experimental drugs, or new drugs out on the market. They often don’t know all the side effects of a drug that is new. Don’t be afraid to ask questions about the meds. Also your local pharmacist knows more about drugs then the doctors. Your pharmacist can be one of your best access.

    I also have a history of recent depression & anxiety problems. Because I’ve been turned off to therapists, I haven’t gone that route. I’ve been doing very good lately, but the depression usually occurs during winter. I’m not looking forward to winter. Who knows, I might just see a therapist if I get bad again. What your going through is what I might have to also go through one day. So personally I hope that you continue telling us about your journey.

  • Meleah

    Awake:
    I think that YOU are awesome.

    I have consulted with a pharmacologist, ‘The Best In The Business’ regarding my medications. I *fully* trust her advice.

    It just takes a few weeks to adjust to the chemical levels. I am sure to have ups and downs during this process.

    I am so ANTI THERAPY you have No Idea. I have had horrible experiences in the past with any sort of therapy. That is not something I will discuss in this comment, but may one day be a real post.

    I guess I am just open to it this time because I clearly cant help myself right now. We’ll see how things go.

    Thank you for taking the time to read this, and for your friendship.

  • It’s wonderful that you have a good pharmacologist!

    I didn’t know that you were anti therapy too! I’d be very interested in hearing your horror stories. I guess I really want to prepare myself, and know what to expect.

    I’m writing a post that might NOT be good for you to see now. It is called, “IF I saw a therapist” It’s kind of anti therapy, and I ask some harsh questions. I’m just trying to figure things out. I just can’t go through what I did last winter. The depression was just horrible! Truly horrible. Yet I’m afraid of therapy. Anyway, it might not be good for you to read that post.

  • Meleah-
    This is a subject I can totally realte too. People that sont suffer from these sorts of disorders have no idea how much of this behavior is out of our control. It takes reaching a breaking point to be able to help ourselves… and we have to constantly work on it. You are taking all the right steps and in time you will be better for having gone through all of this. This crap makes us stronger. Proud of you.

  • Meleah

    Awake:
    I will share my horror stories with you one day.
    I would LIKE to read that…
    and maybe even ANSWER some of those HARSH questions.
    I think I can handle your post!

    LeeGro:
    Totally Out Of Our Own Control.
    which is what’s even MORE annoying to a control freak like myself.
    I feel like most people cannot relate to why I cant just “Get My Shit Together”
    Oh well, at least I am working on it. Finally.
    I just wish I could pull an “I Dream Of Jeanie” head bob and be better!
    Thanks for your support I know YOU understand *fully*.

  • Meleah

    OCD makes me hate the number 59. Leaving a comment until someone else makes it number 60.

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