My Daddy And The Suitcase

I talk about my father a lot, mostly because he is hilarious. Seriously? He is like the ‘Blog-Fodder-Gift’ that just keeps on giving. I am more than happy to share yet another story that involves My Daddy.

Before I go any further, you need to know the events in this story are 100% true and accurate. I did not fabricate one sentence. I didn’t have to. I just wish I had captured this experience on video.

Once upon a time, my parents, and my brother, Abercrombie, were getting ready for a big ski trip when they realized they needed some new luggage. And they needed something that would be large enough to pack all of the necessary supplies. So they decided to go shopping at our local Sears. Which will now also be known as the day my family almost got thrown out by Roebuck and Co.

As they were perusing the isles my brother and my father were typically acting like fools. They were trying on hats, and clothes, mainly from the women’s department, and carrying on. My mother, not wanting to subject herself to any further humiliation, decided it would be best just to walk away from the two of them.

And she was right.

Eventually, my father and my brother grew tired of playing ‘dress-up’ and they went over to the ‘Luggage Department’. And that’s when things got interesting. They looked at this bag, and they looked at that bag. They looked at blue bags, and they looked at green bags. Suddenly, they came across a piece of luggage that was seemingly big enough to hold a person.

To test their theory, my father took the suitcase off the shelf, placed it in the middle of the floor, unzipped it, and proceeded to tell my brother to climb inside. Sure enough, weighing in at 150 pounds and at 58 my brother fit, just perfectly.

My father, prankster that he is, thought it would be amusing if he closed and zipped the luggage shut, with my brother still inside of it. And, yes. That was funny. In fact, my father was laughing so hard he walked away to catch his breath – leaving my brother trapped.

After my father collected himself, he spotted a young couple headed towards the ‘Luggage Department’. But, instead of releasing my brother from the suitcase? My dad just stood there, hiding. He peered out from behind another isle and waited to see what would unfold.

Meanwhile, my poor brother, still locked inside, began sweating profusely. As he struggled to find a way out of the luggage he over heard voices. And those voices belonged to Other Shoppers. And those Other Shoppers were the very same unsuspecting young couple my father had already spotted.

As every muscle in my brother’s body tensed, he clearly heard the sound of the woman’s voice getting louder and louder as she walked closer and closer towards the luggage. After all, it was an enormous suitcase, laying smack in the middle of the floor, and it was pretty difficult to miss. Now almost panic-stricken, my brother temporarily froze. When he heard the woman ooh-ing and ahh-ing over the size of the luggage, he knew things were about to take a turn for the worst. She began unzipping side pockets and feeling-up the material. She called her partner over to take a closer look. And that’s precisely when all hell broke loose.

My brother heard them opening the last zipper. The very zipper, holding him hostage. What was he supposed to do?

Well….

He did the only thing he could do.

He sprung up at lightening speed, popped out with arms opened wide, and shouted, “HELLO!”

The young couple literally jumped out of their own skin, and ten feet backwards, while screaming bloody murder on the top of their lungs, and clutching their chests. To say they were terrified would be the understatement of the year. Seriously. They were scared to death having nearly been accosted by an apparent crazy-eyed-sweaty-blond-boy.

My father, having witnessed the whole scenario, went into such a hysterical fit of high-pitched-laughter he ended up belly-down on the floor of the store. And he couldn’t stop.  As for my brother? He just stood there, like a perpetrator. Horrified.

Of course, my mother heard the racket, the screaming, and my father’s laugh – from all the way across Sears. She raced over to see what all the hoopla was about. But when she arrived, after assessing what could have been a potential ‘Crime Scene’ she quickly changed her mind. She didn’t want to know, for fear of being charged as an accomplice to my fathers’ shenanigans.

Yep.

That’s my daddy.

About Meleah

Mother. Writer. Television Junkie. Pajama Jean Enthusiast.
This entry was posted in Family, Humor. Bookmark the permalink.

88 Responses to My Daddy And The Suitcase

  1. I love this story ! I think of all the things you have, Meleah … your family is the most special

  2. So True. I am very blessed and very lucky.
    🙂

  3. geechee_girl says:

    Laughing my ass off over here 🙂

  4. geechee_girl says:

    Laughing my ass off over here 🙂

  5. Seriously. I laughed so hard my face hurt!
    Those poor people.

  6. Seriously. I laughed so hard my face hurt!
    Those poor people.

  7. cmk says:

    Even though I *knew* what was coming–I’m really NOT fun to be with while watching a ‘whodunit’ movie–I laughed until I cried. I REALLY could see my hubby doing things like that–he has the same kind of mind. Too, too, too, too funny!

  8. YES!! Im so happy you had that reaction.

    I mean, as soon as my brother gets IN the suitcase, you can kind of see
    where this is going. I almost DIDN’T post this story for that very reason.

    But… it was just too funny NOT to share it!

    Love you woman. You have to write a K story one of these days!!

  9. Anonymous says:

    this was freaking hilarious!!!! yes i have tears in my eyes and i am moving in with your family….over here we get thrown out of places for other reasons, not for being funny. LOLOLOL.

    this was a freaking hoot: He sprung up at lightening speed, popped out with arms opened wide, and shouted, “HELLO!”

    my reaction would have been to beat him with my camera and apologize later. yeah i always carry a piece like you do your laptop. too funny. thanks for the laughs, much needed!

  10. Nicky says:

    hihihihihihihihihihihihi…..hahahahahahahaha……gasp…..hahahaha….will comment….hahahihihi…later when….hihihihihihi…finished….gasp….hihihihihihi….giggling…..

  11. Oh my god, I laughed so hard I literally cried. That is just too funny.

  12. Lucy says:

    I would have wet my panties and that would have sucked but hey I would have been in Sears and could have purchased new ones (LOL).
    I must admit I was dying for your brother I could never have been zipped inside I would have panicked from being ‘closed in’ but I would have loved to have seen the couple’s reaction!!!

  13. Anonymous says:

    Try not to take this the wrong way, but your family is bunch of kooks. And we like that.
    I can see where you get your sense of humor. Your dad’s a guy after my own heart. Sounds like a guy I’d like to have on a road trip to make things more interesting. Another classic story for the Meleah archives.

  14. You’re more than welcome to come here ANYTIME, Val. ANY TIME!

  15. YAY. Im glad Nik!
    xoxo

  16. That poor couple.
    But seriously, now they have story they can tell for the rest of their
    lives!

  17. May father is priceless. And total comedy to hang out with.
    He definitely makes things MUCH more interesting.

  18. Ron says:

    Bwhahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

    HILARIOUS!

    And BRAVO to your father for thinking up such a faaaaaabulous prank. That was BRILLIANT!

    “As they were perusing the isles my brother and my father were typically acting like fools. They were trying on hats, and clothes, mainly from the women’s department, and carrying on.”

    That sounds exactly like something “I” would do!

    And have I told you lately how much I LOVE your family? I do!

    FAB post, girl!

    X

  19. Hilarious story Meleah – it has got to be on Sears security files somewhere, just waiting for a leak (something rather popular these days) and go viral once in the wild 🙂

    Had it been me the one with such a golden jump-out-of-the-bag opportunity, I would’ve tossed the “Hello!” in favor of a rather panicked “Please!, what YEAR is this?” or something like so, really mess with people’s heads. Just saying…

  20. Rog, I would LOVE to see this on video somewhere.
    Talk about a YouTube sensation.

    And, I laughed at what you would have said, had it been you popping out of
    that suitcase.

  21. HeSaidHisTelephoneNumberWas911 says:

    Thank You, for breaking up my crappy morning. I’m sitting here laughing my @$$ off, while 2 coworkers are giving me the WTH? look. You simply could not script this stuff. I’m still laughing.

  22. Yes! Yes! And YES!
    You’re welcome.

  23. Marty Wombacher says:

    HA HA HA! What a great story! You have a great and funny family. Why is there not a reality show starring all of you?

  24. My friend Tony SWEARS a reality TV camera needs to be ON MY FATHER, and,
    AT ALL TIMES!

  25. Jaffer says:

    Your poor brother ! But quick thinking too that he decided to come out with a “Hello” ! Hahahah…

  26. My brother was DYING inside that suitcase!

  27. I’ve always wondered what it would be like to travel in a suitcase. You know, to save on the airfare. Please ask your brother if there was a snack machine, reading material and ablutions 🙂 It’s a loooong trip.

  28. MomZombie says:

    Thanks for sharing this story. I love a good prank. My late father was a prankster as well. I could totally see him putting us up to something like that. One time we placed a rubber alligator on the floor in the bakery section of the supermarket. We didn’t think much would happen. We hid around the corner and waited. Then: a blood curdling scream as an older lady encountered the reptile. We laughed and thought she was totally stupid for believing it was real. My mother was furious when she found WE were the cause of the ruckus. Now, as the proud owner of trifocals, I can totally see how that poor old gal thought a reptile was on the floor. Good times.

  29. I’ll be sure to find out for you!

  30. OMG! Yes!! I flippen LOVE that story!
    HA

  31. territerri says:

    You were so right! That is a hysterical story! Your dad is a riot… and clearly, so is your brother. I would love to have seen that!

  32. Oh, yeah! I love your dad! That’s the greatest story I’ve heard in a long time!

  33. Thanks Terri!
    My only regret was this happened in 1997 and I did not get it on film!!
    Now you can see why I had such a hard time typing this last night!

  34. Thanks Boom-Boom
    And hey, nice to *meet* you today over with CardioGirl and Mike

  35. What a great family you have. I would have loved to have seen that couple jump out of their skin. I bet they tell this story all the time.

  36. Thanks Jennifer! We do have a lot of fun around here.

  37. Lyndadesordi says:

    I can’t stand it!!! I can’t stop laughing!! Your uncle thinks that I lost my mind!!!! Why haven’t I heard this story before!!!!! LMFAO!!!!

  38. AHSAHAHHAHAHAHahhahahahha!

    I told you!

    xoxoxoxo

  39. Barbara says:

    I WOULD HAVE DIED IF I WERE THAT LADY! Great sotry, your father truly is a gift in so many ways! But….why does your brother have blond hair? I picture your whole family with dark hair.

  40. Selma says:

    I would have loved to have seen that. What a classic. Your Dad rules!

  41. I hope the couple had a sense of humor about it (after getting their breath back).

  42. Hahahahaha … oh man, your dad is a riot! I like the man already 😀

  43. Ziva says:

    Hilarious!! I can so see myself and my best friend do something like this. I love your entire family, they’re so funny!

  44. My brother Adam is the only one that’s blond haired and blue eyed!

  45. I have no idea what ever happened to them!

  46. Thank you. Im glad my family is a little bit NUTS.
    Keeps me entertained.

Comments are closed.