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My Daddy and The Paper Towels

Ever since my “friend” Melody broke her box I haven’t told you any stories. At least not a real story with a beginning, a middle, and an end. And it’s about time I fixed that.

Onward.

I talk about My Father a lot.

Why?

Because he’s friggen hilarious.

For those of you who don’t know about my dad, here’s a little background.

He’s an evil genius that derived a plan to execute the greatest revenge after being ripped off at a gas station. He’s been confused as Tony Bennett. And he’s been woken up in the middle of the night to kill a spider.

My dad is also very handy around the house. He’s repaired a broken garbage disposal, a desk drawer, and all of my flat tires. He’s moved an enormous amount of property. And once he sawed a sofa in half. He’s installed a chandelier and a waterfall. He’s put out fires. Once he nearly bled to death. And he’s been known to dance while he cleans.

He’s an extremely loving father that’s taken me to countless doctors appointments to make me laugh while having my blood work done. And when I was utterly devastated, he made moving back home seriously entertaining. He taught my son how to shovel snow. And he managed to get ME into trouble while HE was playing with finger puppets.

My father is famous for channeling his “Inner Larry David” when arguing with bank tellers, the people in line at the grocery store, and by writing notes to rude pig parkers.

He’s responsible for scaring the crap out of people in the luggage department. He’s photo bombed 90% of my pictures. He’s said some of the funniest things I’ve ever heard. He always gets the short end of the stick. And he’s pretended to be a 90-year-old man while trying to score a free bagel.

Oh, and he really loves Hanukkah.

But that’s not all, people.

That’s not all.

Apparently, he’s also a detective.

Four score and seven years ago, my father worked for an up and coming insurance agency. Because they were such a small firm they operated from within a hotel and subsequently shared public restrooms with other small businesses.

And while I would love to write the rest of the story, I think it would be best if you heard it from my father himself.

ENJOY!

Yep.

That’s my daddy.

 

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  • I haven’t heard of the man or the show, I’m afraid, but he does get the bit between his teeth, if you know that saying 🙂

  • Your dad never fails to crack me up! (And many others, I’m sure!)

    Not many people would dedicate an hour of their lives to solving such a mystery. Maybe you should get him a Scooby Doo van!

  • I do! HA! xoxo

  • Ahahahhahahah!

  • Ha ha ha! Hilarious story, thanks for posting it video style! Your dad’s a great story-teller!

  • Thanks, Marty!

  • A great story! Love it.  But as the father of a daughter who is also a writer, I love all the “Daddy” love!

  • 🙂

  • Anonymous

    I wondered who it was that invented putting a trash can next to the door in men’s rooms … now I know!

  • Wow. My daddy wasn’t funny at all. He had four jokes. Every couple of months he’d wind up and hurl one of them out there. He’s always start, “my father had a story…” and we’d all patiently wait until he dribbled it out. Zero delivery skills. And his four jokes were already antiques in the fifties. 

  • I am DYING!  FIRST I had to look at the photobombing.  My son does that… but in a BAD way… I could kill him.  Then I watched the video. It was more fun to watch the reactions of everyone almost then to hear the story… yet the story is hysterical!  Him staying in the stall that long!  HYSTERICAL!!!  Your dad rocks!

  • 🙂

  • I suppose I’m lucky!

  • My brother tipping over on the sofa laughing so hard, cracks me up!

  • Hahah your dad sounds awesome!

  • Thanks!

  • Bwahahaha!! That was great. Now I love your dad, too. 🙂

  • Thank you!

    🙂

  • Anonymous

    I love that he went undercover to get to the bottom of that mystery, but the best part is that he came up with a solution for the dude with the phobia. Haha! He was NOT going to settle with paper towels on the floor everyday. So funny!

  • You need to book him for a comedy tour: Daddy vs. Spiders, Garbage Disposals, and Paper Towels Seriously. He. Is. Funny!!!

  • I don’t know what’s funnier.

    The fact that he HID in a bathroom stall for over an hour?
    Or the fact that my father followed the guy back to his desk to confront him!

    🙂

  • Right?!

    Thanks, Dana!

    🙂

  • Heather

    Hi I’m Heather! Please email me when you get a chance!
    HeatherVonsj(at)gmail(dot)com

  • I’m like 40 blogs behind in my Google Reader, which isn’t unusual.  I usually start at the oldest and work my way down through the list.  When I eyed this one, I knew I had to read it first.  Any story involving your dad is good for laughs.

    I can’t believe he sat in the stall for an hour to catch the guy.  That cracks me up.  I always open the door with a paper towel too, but often, the trash can is right there by the door anyway.  If it’s not, I just open it with my sleeve or something.

  • That’s what most people do, I think?

    But leaving the trash on the floor drove my father nuts!!

    Thanks for reading, Mike. Glad you like “My Daddy” stories!

  • Stupidtom

    I love stories like that. Stealing your idea to tape some of my dad’s stuff. thanks.

  • You should!

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