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Meme 3: The Letter

*** As the ‘meme-o-rama-palooza’ continues this week ***

The Letter is a meme created by Malach the Merciless, which involves writing a letter to one’s 13 year old self. I have been tagged by Dawn @ Twisted Sister to write The Letter, and it’s probably one of the more interesting / tougher meme ideas I’ve ever encountered. So here we go…

(This meme was fairly difficult for me. Thus, there are 2 different ‘versions’ of The Letter. I wasn’t sure if I should just write to 13 Year Old Meleah, (and stay age specific) or, if I should have carried the conversation all the way up through the years, right up until present day? I have no idea if I even did this meme properly. Both versions are included below.)

1. Age Specific:

Dear 13 Year Old Meleah,

Hey, wiseass.

You’re not that tough.

Why don’t you drink yourself a nice glass of ‘shut the hell up’ (loose the tude). And smarten the fuck up.

Another little secret in your ear, you do NOT know everything.

Ps…Things are only going to get worse way before they ever get better.

—————————————-

2. Continued Up Through The Years:

Dear 13 Year Old Meleah,

Oh my…you certainly are an angry one. What a grand attitude. Although, I genuinely appreciate the: strong-willed-ever-so-determined-stubborn-never-give-up-fighter that is you.

The unfortunate pain that fills you with such rage and true disdain, is – at best, frightening. I can see you…circling the drain, out of control, desperate and ashamed. For that, I am sorry.

Things might seem pretty bad to you right now. And I guess, from where you’re standing, they are. You have already been through so much in your short little life. Now that you are separated from your mother and your best friend younger brother, while locked up on a mountain in Whitmore CA, within the strict confines of *The Cascade School, may seem like the end of the world.

However, I assure you…it is not.

You will need every bit of courage and strength you can muster to make it through the next few years. The intensity of ‘dishes-detail’, ‘workshops’, ‘celebrations’, and ‘forums’ will be terrifying. Facing, dealing, and repeatedly talking about your ‘biological father issues’ in graphic detail, will tear apart your very insides.

But, those experiences will be essential and quite necessary for your future survival. Eventually the lessons learned at Cascade will do you some good. I promise.

In the meantime, stay close to your ‘big sister’ Leslie. She knows just how to get through ‘The Program’…and she will remain your best friend for the rest of your life.

Never loose sight of who you really are. Please hold on TIGHTLY to this little girl when you find her in ‘The Imagine’. One day, she will persevere. She will be the one to stop you from crossing that invisible line leading to the point of no return.

(Please be forewarned…the experiences at The Cascade School, will pale in comparison to anything you will have to face well into your adulthood).

There are going to be a series of harsh events, one right after the other, in your very near future. Events I wish I could prevent. But we both know what an unstoppable force you are. Nonetheless, I suppose all of those ‘things/events’ will define the strong and powerful woman you will one day become. (I just wish the road ahead didn’t have to be paved with so many bumps, bruises, scars, potholes, land-mines, and sharp, cutting, jagged glass).

You must maintain the diligence you currently have with your daily journaling. That is the one and only single source of comfort and the one and only constant you have inside your world. (Besides, one day in the future ‘they’ will invent something called a “blog.” Believe me when I say, you will revel in laughter, tears, kinship, camaraderie, glory, and monumental friendships from the moment you write your first post.)

FYI: You will never find happiness at the bottom of any bottle or in any of the multitude of substances you will abuse. No One and No Thing will ever be able to “fix you”.

When you finally grow tired (and you will grow incredibly weary) you will be ready to stop running, you will be ready to stand still, and much to your surprise…your family will be waiting with open arms to receive you.

You will come to terms with what is required to surrender and how to accept the love that is offered to you. You will regain your trust in man kind, and even welcome human contact. Only then, will all of those broken pieces be put back together to make you whole again.

You will learn that not everything has to be a battle. There is a big difference between ‘fighting’ and ‘standing your ground’. It just might take you a little time to learn how to use the correct platform.

There is a bright side to all of this.

And one day…you will even have the boobs you always wanted.

*PS….While you are on the road, in search of yourself, running away, hitch hiking cross country, and touring with The Grateful Dead…you MUST remember to call your MOTHER from time to time. Just to let her know you are still alive. Or else, you might end up in a milk carton as a ‘missing child’.

Much love to my brave little girl,
Your Future Self.


* For any new readers (curious or wondering) I have written some Posts that involve / include The Cascade School which can be found here:

And Just When I Wanted To Throw In The Towel

I Read It. And You should Too.

The Book Signing

*Fuck. That 2nd letter was TOUGH.


 

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  • Dan

    Wow Meleah, I can imagine that that second letter was very tough to write. It’s not easy to say stuff about ourselves like that. Hugs to you for doing it. And you know what? That 13-year old grew up to be an awesome woman. Totally. xoxo

  • That second letter was absolutely inspirational. Every time I read your blog I come away feeling blessed to have found you. And I’m so glad you got the boobs you always wanted…

  • Meleah

    Selma

    Aww…Thank you. That means a lot coming from you.

    Dan

    Thank you. I am awesome!

    “I may not be what I’m supposed to…but I can tell you right now, I aint what I used to be” M.J.B. (Mary J Blidge)

  • Awesome.
    I’ve always thought you were the most amazing person… you have the strength and courage of a lion.
    This is by far the toughest meme I’ve ever done… how strange to talk to yourself at 13.
    The first one is hilarious… I thought it would make a good hallmark card to give out to 13 year olds on their birthday!
    BTW: I’m glad you got your boobs 😉

  • I can’t imagine how hard that was to write let alone share. But, you’re here today with your humor and courage and sense of self intact and ready to take on the world. And we all couldn’t be happier!

  • this just makes me cyber love you even more.

  • I love you too, Melz.

    Love you forever, like you for always, as long as I’m living, my best friend you’ll be.

  • Meleah

    Dawn

    Right? This WAS a hard meme.

    I loved YOUR letter.

    Hmm…Maybe I should make letter #1 into a real card? Hell, I know could give it to my own son

    Michael C

    Aww. Thanks dood. I am glad to BE HERE.

    Mimzie

    I will always cyber-love you.

    Leslie

    xxoo xxoo xxoo xxoo xxoo xxoo xxoo

    (Oh, yanno what else I should have told her?? To PICK UP THE PACE when on dinning room dishes, since your ‘honey’ broke MY ALL TIME RECORD for speed…the bastard.)

  • Girl – you rock – then and now. Awesome letter…

  • This is an interesting concept. Bossy is going to need way more pharmaceuticals to take part, though.

  • i did this one today too… i was short and sweet tho,, as i know damn well i wasn’t listening to anyone at thirteen………

    i posted my 13 year old picture too!!! i swear to god we look like we could have been related……

  • cmk

    Words fail–very impressive. I don’t know if I could do this–I can’t REMEMBER myself at thirteen, because it was SOOOOOO long ago! 🙂

  • Wow! The first letter made me laugh and think, I would probably say the exact same thing to my 13 yr old self. Your second letter would be one that I would keep forever. It was inspirational, tender, yet tough. What a great letter. I did go on to read your previous posts about the school, and the links describing it. WOW, doesn’t even come close to describing my awe of it. I’m going to go and get that book, I am fascinated now. I’m also very impressed that you turned out to be a genuinely great person. (That i’ve only gotten to know via blogs, but have gotten that sense.)
    You deserve hugs and kisses for this one!! xxoo

  • I am glad you like my meme, I am trying to find as many as I can and I am reprinting them all here

  • Also grab “Oh The Glory Of It All” By Sean Wilsey, another one that talks about the school, though as part of a while biography, not the sole focus of the book.

  • You never cease to amaze me Meleah. That’s why I love, admire and respect you so much as a friend.

    If’n I ever grow up, I hope I turn out 1/4 as good as you.

  • Thanks Leslie, I will. The whole school/religious cult thing fascinates me. I spent a short time sucked into a religious one and will forever hate it and anything that has to do with it. But I’m still very curious to see what others experiences have been like. Thanks for the info!

  • Wow… What a wonderful, yet moving letter. Your words are full of wisdom. You truly are a fantastic lady – full of inspiration to us all.

    I have also been tagged with this meme, but have been struggling to complete it… it is so difficult. When I finish it, it will let ya know.

    Kindest Regards ~ Graham

  • Meleah

    Beth:

    🙂 Yes. I do.

    Bossy:

    Me too. When you get your BOSSY hands on some..pls? Spread the ‘love’

    Paisley:

    I cant wait to read YOURS. (and yeah, um… we are “sisters.” ‘Memeber? …no wonder we LOOK related at 13!) I am DYING to see YOUR picture.

    CMK:

    Aww… Don’t feel badly. I only remember it SO well, because it was SO traumatic.

    Chef Mom:

    THANK YOU…REALLY. THANK YOU…for taking the time to READ the ‘background” links. (As usual LESLIE is ON TOP of things!!! ) xxoo

    Malach:

    Yeah. This was one of the BETTER memes going around. Let’s see what else you have in your stash.

    Leslie:

    I LOVE YOU WOMAN.

    Dazd:

    I am so *blushing* right now

    Graham:

    I guess I am fantastic and fabulous. PLEASE let me know when you finish yours!! xxoo

  • The best friend

    I loved both letters. The second one has me holding back tears at almost every other sentence. Great Job.

  • I was in tears… and then you made me laugh at the end. YOU are a GREAT writer.

  • I read the backgrounds, in the background posts, and was still totally fascinated. We have so much, unknownst to us, in common, that I found it all PROFOUNDLY familiar and fascinating. One question, that may be SO painful to answer and don’t feel that you have to…I could see it becoming part of your book…..how do you feel about your parents sending you there? My parents let make the decision on my own, after I had been basically brainwashed and they went with it until I came to my senses…….they let me feel and make the mistake, although watching closely to be sure I didn’t get physically hurt. I don’t begrudge them anything, as they let me be “me” and learn from it. You have no idea how much your sincere THANK YOU means to me…….and I know, from YOU it’s sincere. xxoo

  • Wow, Meleah! That was a moving, heartfelt letter. And I understand so much of what you’re saying. I was angry when I was young, too, but it manifested itself differently in me–in self-loathing and a need to prove myself. But at the core, I’ll bet we felt a lot alike. And we both turned out okay in the end!

    Great post!

  • I’m reading this and I’m just thinking how painful mine would be. I commend you for pulling it off. I bet that young Meleah was a force to be reckoned with.

    The thing is, I don’t think my 13 year old self would listen to me. He’s just shrug.

    We need to make a time machine or something.

  • The Meleah I know is BACK!
    She writes so well and with so much emotion and wisdom.
    And I love her even more.

  • Meleah

    BFF:

    Yep. Me too.

    Terri:

    Aw. Thank you. It makes me smile when someone compliments the WRITING.

    Chef Mom:

    There will be undertones and minor references to the whole cascade thing in “Off The Pole”…but, the Cascade story is so complicated and so detailed that it will be better served as a book on its own. I have many many ideas about how I would want to proceed with that…but, I need to stay focused on one project at a time…Too bad I have that pesky day job which interferes with the time I would much rather dedicate to WRITING.

    Am I mad at my parents about Cascade? I used to be. I was VERY ANGRY for a VERY LONG TIME… I know that my mother was so desperate to SAVE ME that she was willing to do anything…including sending me there.

    and yes, I know that YOU know I am ALWAYS sincere.

    I am curious to hear YOUR story as well… hmm… maybe I should TAG you with THIS meme?

    Avery:

    Thank you. I have battled (and still do) with the self-loathing issue. I think ALL teenagers go through the “I HATE MYSELF” phase. I am glad we both turned out okay. xxoo

    Ricardo:

    I was indeed a force to be reckoned with. Some days I still am!

    As for a time machine…NO WAY. I do not want to RELIVE any of that, nor would I want to change ANY of it. As much as it sucked, it really did make me WHO I AM…and I think I like who I am (for the most part). 🙂

    RMH:

    aww… I love you too. xxoo

  • You know, there were days that I resented getting a shitty public school education (although I think your experience definitely qualifies as worse). After reading this letter and considering all of the things it did to make me who I am I’m a little more grateful. Cheers to getting the best out of even the worst situation!

  • Not easy to write the letter but you did a great job. Indeed you are awesome and a great writer too.

  • You really are a fabulous writer. I love both the letters. The first was just so snarky and fun. The second saturates you with emotion. Beautiful work.

  • Meleah

    Exposed

    Its healthier for me to view those experiences as defining who I am. I used to walk around full of resentment for being ‘sent away’…it wasn’t till my 30’s that I realized what I had actually benefited from attending that kind of school.

    JO-N

    Thanks.

    Anti-Barbie

    Coming from you that a HUGE compliment. Thank You.

  • That was really wonderful.

    Thank you for sharing.

  • I made you blush? Good thing I didn’t compliment your awesome writing abilities. You have an ability to captivate the reader and not only tickle the mind but raise the emotions only to squelch it with laughter.

    You mighta fainted! lol

  • We love who you are too.

  • Meleah

    DAZD:

    aww…. I think… I AM feeling lightheaded…I might just…..

    Ricardo:
    🙂

  • that was well done….it’s a tough meme to do ..I got tagged withnit and it took me a day or two to get it together…not easy at all..

  • I am speechless. These letters were so poignant. They made me cry. Your writing contains a lot of depth. I don’t know how you did it–but you did–I am amazed. Someday you’ll have to write some posts (outside of the book) on how you got away from that dark part of your life.

  • That second letter was amazing, I really cannot say any more that hasn’t already been said, just wanted to let you know I am here enjoying your wonderful writing.

  • Meleah

    Robert:

    Yep. This was WAS a tough one. This took me a few days as well.

    Laurie:

    I would be more than happy to write a ‘post’ about getting “OUT” and how I ‘got clean’ but that MIGHT be the LONGEST POST IN THE HISTORY OF THE UNIVERSE. I might work up a series, or do an abbreviated version with the main highlights…. we’ll see.

    Thank you for the compliment about the WRITING. Emotionally driven posts are harder for me to write. I am THRILLED you enjoyed it.

    Beth:

    Aw… Thank you so so so so so so so so so much. xxoo

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