I have been lucky enough to have TWO wonderful grandmothers in my lifetime.
One, you all know and love. The ‘infamous’ Evelyn. She is my fathers’ mother (as if the uncanny resemblance wasn’t obvious enough). Gramma Ev is the epitome of an Angry Italian grandmother complete with a sharp tongue. But I love her nonetheless. Hell, I even created an entire blog dedicated to sharing the ‘Voice Of Evelyn’ with the world, because Everyone Needs A Little Evelyn.
My other grandmother (also an Italian woman) was known as Manga. I called her Manga when I was about 2 years old, because I couldn’t say the word grandma. She in turn gave me a nickname: Mia. It’s funny because as I embarked upon the years known as teenage hell I was always MIA – Missing In Action.
I seldom write about this Grandmother (my mothers’ mother) because it is still a bit too painful to think about how we lost her to Alzheimer’s Disease. My memories surrounding her last few years alive and her death are better left in that drunken hazy fog.
To be perfectly honest, I haven’t given Manga that much thought since she passed away. (It makes me too sad.) Of course on her birthday, or on the wedding anniversary to Poppa Sye, her presence fills me.
Sometimes I like to think that she is watching over me.
When I was a little girl, I loved spending time with her. She looked like a fashion icon that walked straight off the cover of a magazine. Her nails were perfectly manicured, her hair was set once a week by professionals, her fancy alligator or snake skin bags matched her alligator or snake skin shoes, and her hounds tooth coat paled in comparison to the treasured mink fur.
Manga was beautiful. She never left the house without being properly lip-sticked and fake eye-lashed. To me, she looked like a 1930’s movie star. All. The. Time. She smoked long, thin, white, ‘Now 100’s’ brand of cigarettes, which she left burning in crystal ashtrays around the house, but she smelled of Arpege Perfume, never like nicotine.
Manga kept an IMMACULATE house. (She must be where I got my OCD cleaning-obsession gene.) She was also an incredible chef. Manga used to cook tomato sauce that made a person weak in the knees. (Too bad I didn’t get that gene.)
One of my favorite memories of being with Manga was having our special lunches together. My mother and I would drive to Scotch Plains to meet her at the Country Club for finger sandwiches and tall glasses of fresh brewed Ice Tea.
I don’t know why, but when I was around 5 or 6, I had a thing for half n’ half creamers. (Do you know the ones I am talking about? They come in individual tiny plastic containers on the side of coffee.) I LOVED to drink them. Straight Up. I drank them much like an adult would slam a shot of liquor. My mother, who was trying to raise me to act like a lady, especially in public, and even more especially in a Country Club, would not allow me to indulge in the sweet cream I coveted. But Manga was a wise woman. She patiently waited until my mother would excuse herself from the table to use the rest room and then quickly order up a salad plate full of creamers for me to devour.
And Manga ALWAYS let me win at every game we ever played. Weather it was cards, board games, or tic tack toe.
[No wonder why I am such a sore looser today.]
After my Grandparents moved to Florida, obviously, I saw a lot less of them. Sure, my brother Adam and I would fly down in the summers to spend a few weeks playing golf, swimming, and eating homemade Polpetta soup. But, it wasn’t until I was 17 when I moved in with my grandparents.
[That story is a post unto itself. This post is already too long and I am not even half way done. * Gasp! *]
What I will tell you about is the night I witnessed True Love. Manga & Poppa Sye are the reason I believe ‘True Love’ exists…outside of the movie theatres, off of the silver screen and in Real Life.
It must have been 2am, maybe even 3am, when the three of us were together in the living room. I was sitting on one end of the 8 foot long plaid velvet sofa and Poppa Sye was comfortable at the other end. Manga was situated behind her desk, reading a TV Guide and filling in the cross word puzzle. A ‘Time Life’ infomercial came on the television selling a musical collection consisting of several artists from the ‘Rat Pack.’
Poppa Sye slowly rose from his seat; he fixed his pants, smoothed his hair, and glided all the way across the room. He approached Manga from the side, got down on one knee, extended his hand and asked, “May I Have This Dance?” My grandmother took his hand and replied “Why You Rascal…Of Course You Can.”
And there they were, in the middle of the living room, in the middle of the night, with their arms wrapped around each other, and slow danced to a commercial.
If you could see the way they still looked at each other after over 63 years of marriage, you would know what True Love looks like too.
(I don’t know too many people that can stand to be in the same room, let alone slow dance, or even hold hands after 15 years of marriage…although My Parents are the exception to that…but I digress.)
A few nights ago, Poppa Sye was going through some of his personal belongings when he came across a tape recorder that had Manga’s voice on it. For posterity, Poppa Sye wanted to have that recording transferred onto a disk. Poppa Sye planned on paying someone what I thought was a large sum of money to complete the process. After I overheard that conversation I sprang into action.
Why should he PAY someone ELSE to do something that I can do FOR FREE on my Mac using Garage Band? I was also worried that the ‘other person’ might try to take advantage of my grandfather by over charging him…or even worse…damage the original recording.
I asked Poppa Sye to please, please, please, with a cherry on top, give me the chance to see if it was even possible for me to import the tape recording onto my computer. Mildly reluctant, he agreed.
Poppa Sye handed over the antique recorder. I keenly stared at the apparatus sizing up how to use this old fashioned device, while Poppa Sye’s eyes darted nervously about.
I was excited with so much anticipation to reconnect with the voice of my beloved Grandmother, but I had no idea when the recording had been taken. As it turns out, the recording was made towards the end of her life, when Poppa Sye went on his daily visits to take care of her in the nursing home.
I wasn’t sure what to expect when I hit the back square play button.
It was the first time I had heard my grandmothers’ voice in a several years. The tears just streamed uncontrollably down my bright red cheeks. I quickly wiped them away onto the sleeve of my robe. I didn’t want Poppa Sye to see that I was crying. I knew that would make him cry. But it was too late. Poppa Sye pulled out his linen handkerchief and dabbed the corners of his eyes.
We sat together (avoiding any further eye contact) with our salty, wet, faces, listening intently to the sounds coming out of the machine. Most of what Manga was saying was incoherent jibberish. There was a lot of moaning as if she were in some kind of pain, followed by nonsensical babbling. I felt sick at heart to hear her like that. It was difficult to listen to what was once my definition of a true LADY reduced to making infant-like-noises due to her state of dementia.
Mid way through the tape, as if by magic, there were a few glimmering moments when my grandmother managed to string together words. Of course, her words didn’t make any sense when put together, but she did speak real actual words, instead of grunts.
* Side Bar: Do you remember the scene in the movie ‘The Notebook’ when the wife ‘came out of the Alzheimer’s fog’ and began speaking to her husband, then finally recognized her husband? They had a ‘moment’ just like they used to, before she fell ill. And that’s the point in the movie when you suddenly realized WHY the husband kept hanging on to the hope that One Day she would come out of the fog and stay out of the fog …for good? Yeah, well, that is what Poppa Sye was like with Manga. Only MORE intense. Poppa Sye never gave up HIS hope that one day Manga would be cured, or at least get better. But, unfortunately, that never happened. Not in the movie, and not for Manga or Poppa Sye.]
Okay, okay, I digress. (Again)
In addition to professing his undying love for her, you can hear Poppa Sye asking Manga questions. He was trying desperately to communicate with her, if only for a second. And sometimes Poppa Sye would get that second.
Poppa Sye: “Hello my love. Don’t you look beautiful! Did you like the woman who did your hair today?”
Manga (in a baby-talk-tone of voice): “Yeah…” *sigh * grunt * sigh “Because in the window.”
(Yes, my grandfather still paid for my grandmother to HAVE HER HAIR DONE even if that meant smuggling a stylist into the nursing home.)
The question and answer session went on for quite a while. Some times Poppa Sye would get answers, but mostly, Manga was either: silent, confused, or murmuring.
Suddenly, and without warning, a single glorious sound rang out into the air.
The sound rose above the scratching rickety machine and came out of the recorder crystal clear despite the fragile almost sheer conditions of the tape.
It was Manga’s laugh. And it filled my whole room.
Manga’s laugh sounded EXCATLY the way I remembered it sounding when I was a child.
I finally heard with my own ears what Poppa Sye always looked forward to, and WHY he HAD TO visit her ALL DAY and EVERY SINGLE DAY.
Now, I can fully appreciate why he spent his life savings trying to find the newest treatment, or vitamin, or voodoo cure he could get his hands on. He just wanted to be able to hear that laugh.
I am happy to report that I did manage to figure out HOW to get the recording of Manga into the Garage Band program on my Mac. I burned it onto a disk for Poppa Sye. And I have the original saved and stored forever.
I am currently swimming in the memories of My Manga.
This was a beautiful post. It sounds like you guys were very close. How great to have wonderful grandparents. I think it’s so important to remember the good times you had with someone rather then focus solely on the bad. You’ve got me reminiscing myself. Nice and thanks! :-))
This post left me smiling, jealous of such an intense love, and most of all crying at the picture of your grandfather’s devotion and the pain he had to experience watching the love of his life decline this way. Wow.
I like to think of myself as a manly-man, Meleah, but you have me in tears this morning. This is one of the most beautiful stories I have read in a long time, and it was beautifully told. If you don’t get busy on that book I’m going to track you down and plant my size 11 where it will do the most good.
Preserving the sound of your grandmother’s voice is a wonderful thing. But more than that, you have begun to preserve the memory of their love story by telling it here. Be sure to take the opportunity to re-tell this story to your son so that he can preserve the legacy. By telling and re-telling these stories you will instill the values of family that obviously shaped you into the wonderful person you are.
Thanks for sharing this with us, Meleah.
By the way, stop over at Tarheel Ramblings when you have a minute.
Beautiful story. My grandmother also died from Alzheimer’s. I wish I had a recording of her voice.
Jillian:
Aw. Thanks. I am very lucky to have such a great family. Im glad you enjoyed the post!
Terri:
It breaks my heart. BREAKS MY HEART. And I LOVE that picture of them too. Can you even imagine being THAT happy?
Lee:
Im thrilled that this story came through the way I intended. Thank you so much for your excellent comment.
(I have been working on the book, but I can use a size 11 kick in the ass every now and again.)
Okay! Ill be right over!
Ron:
Thank you for the comment. Sorry for your loss.
I’m in tears! That is the greatest love story ever. She sounds like she was a wonderful woman, and you are so right about it being true love. I love the part where he gets himself all ready and they dance to a commercial. AAWWWW! My Favorite Grandfather had Alzheimer’s also. My Grandmother cared for him almost to the end, at home with the help of a nurse. It killed me to go and visit. He’d see people that weren’t there, carry on conversations that made no sense what so ever. I almost didn’t want to visit, because I wanted to remember the man I adored, the way he had been not the way he was at that point. What an awesome find and I am so glad you were able to put it in a CD for him. What a sweet moment, the two of you listening to her…….
i can’t even . . .
I wish you’d called me. I have an iMic ($30) that I love so much I even posted about it on AppleGrrl today. It plugs into any analog device (tape deck, 8 track deck, turntable, reel to reel) an then to the USB on your MacBook and you can record anything right into your computer with great sound quality. Then, because it is a direct recording you can manipulate the sound to improve the quality 🙂
Love you Melz! xoxoxo
(And that was romantic and made me a little bit teary eyed, which is a big enough deal honey asked what was wrong) 😉
& now I’m crying. I love this post, even though its making me weep tears of JOY for you. I love Grandpa, I am so sorry for all your losses again and again. I am so happy you have her laugh recorded thats so cool.
Chef Mom:
Oh thats terrible about your grandfather. 🙁 I hate this disease.
I did not like to go visit Manga at the end either. It was way too upsetting to see her in THAT condition. I stopped going to visit her all together, and then when she passed I felt guilty as hell for not visiting her more often. It’s a lose lose situation.
Mom:
Me either. I know.
Leslie:
What? Wait..Really? iMic? Because I want / need to redo it. I mean I have a crappy version, but its NOT clear. I will TOTALLY buy an iMic TODAY. You are the best.
Well, I must have done a good job on this post, I know how hard it is to make YOU teary eyed!!!!
BFF:
Yep. It is very cool that I have her laugh stored in my Mac. Now I need to get that kick ass contraption Leslie is talking about and it will be even better.
i love your iLeslie.
Meleah, this post was too beautiful for words. My Grandmother (who is still live at 86) taught me how to cuss, play poker and the rules of NBA basketball. Even though they are still married, she spent the end of the 80s and all of the 90s living in Las Vegas because she likes to gamble. You can say that I have NO idea what a traditional grandmother is 😉
This post was beyond great!!
BFF:
No one loves my iLeslie more than ME.
Michael C:
“This post was beyond great!!” Really? Get out! Thank you. I worked pretty hard on this post. I am so happy you enjoyed reading it.
Your Grandmother sounds AWESOME!! Thats my kind of woman!!!!
Of course it was great. Yeah, Milly is quite the woman. Our family’s favorite thing to do at get togethers is watch her and my grandfather argue. They argue with love but are so damn funny about it.
Michael C:
That is too funny. I want to meet Milly!!
My family used to love to watch the “Ev & Ernie Show” (My Fathers Parents) They fought ALL THE TIME. about nothing. It was GREAT. I just might have to write about that one day! 🙂
I’m with you. When my grandfather died, everyone that had seen him said he looked horrible. I did not go see him when he did finally go into the hospital. He only lasted about 2 weeks there, so Many of the family didn’t get to see him. He wanted to be cremated and sprinkled in the sea, as he was a fisherman and spent most of life on boats. We had the opportunity to see him once before he was cremated and I couldn’t bring myself to go. I wanted to remember him with his big belly, mostly bald head (only had enough to let us kids fluff it up and make him look like Bozo the clown), and not see his frail final being. I have never regretted that decision. I think it’s so important to keep the good memories alive. I think that’s what you’ve done for Poppa Sye…..that laugh he loved.
ok, crying agian….
Chef Mom:
You made the right decision. I completely understand why you didn’t go! Why would you want to ruin your good memories with that last really bad one? At least he wasnt in the hospital in too much pain for LONG. I love that your family carried out his wishes and sprinkled him in the sea. That is wonderful.
I almost wish I hadn’t seen my grandmother in the hospital, but, I did, and I am glad I was there when she died. My poor mother was such a mess.
my grandam died with alzheimers too.. in the ned.. i moved.. i couldn’t bear to see her like that.. in my mind she will always be who she was when she lived…
this was a heart wrenchingly beautiful post… and while i would love to hear her voice just one more time… i can,, but only in my dreams…..
This was one of the best posts you ever wrote… It was sincere (as are all your posts); no profanity (amazingly) and portrayed your grandmother, and father in a wholly dignified light (as their generation deserves).
I am sorry for your loss but happy for you and your GP that you were able to hear her again. I never had that type of relationship with my grandmother, and all of my other grandparents died before I was born. My kids do have that type of relationship with my mom and stepdad though and for that I am grateful.
I long for the type of love you described so eloquently in your posting. With that type of love it would seem everything in the world would be unimportant and secondary to the love itself. After all there is Faith, hope, and love, the greatest of which is love!
To experience such a love if even only for a moment would last an eternity.
🙂
That is beautiful honey. It brought back so many memories for me too. I always remember watching her put her false eyelashes on and getting dressed to the 9’s. What a wonderfull, classy lady she was and always will be in my heart.
Love you so very much!!!
Thank you so much for sharing that. It was really beautiful.
My favorite part of your story was when he asked her to dance.
Lovely.
Thanks for sharing this very personal, yet, needed to be told story.
Awesome and rich history you have, and it looks like you are cherishing it most properly.
🙂
Barb
Paisley:
I know. Seeing them like THAT isn’t easy, or fun, and it does mess with your memories of them…but after hearing that tape, all of the GOOD memories of her have come back to me. It was hearing that laugh and I was suddenly reminded of who she was BEFORE she was sick, It was/is pretty powerful.
BFD:
Wow. Thank you so much! Thats a mighty big compliment from you.
Harry:
We should ALL get to be so lucky. They really were In Love.
SHELLY BABY!
Awww! Thank you honey. Yes, I LOVED those eye lashes. (sigh) I miss her.
Barbara:
Yes. The dancing in the livingroom will stay with me forever. Thank you! I very much treasure my family.
Magickat:
Thanks! 🙂
Beautiful Mia, beautiful!
And you got me transformed into the Real Weeping Hen now.
*sob sob*
Beautiful tribute to your grandmother Meleah… one I am sure she is proud of…
That made me sad for a while Meleah. But I know that she lives on in the hearts of you, your grandpa and others in your family.
That post made me both cry, want to call my grandmothers to hear them laugh, and remember the post I want to write about my grandparents and their love.
I was visiting Nanny in the hospital while she was in ICU and my Pop was still there late one afternoon. Nanny was still out of it and he was holding her hand tears streaming and he was saying how beautiful she looked. Just like the day he met her and fell in love with her…They’ve been married 55 years in August.
I’m writing myself a note to call them tomorrow.
Wow Meleah, that was a long post but I enjoyed every single word. It’s such a lovely tribute to your grandmothers. They’re really lucky to have a granddaughter like you.
I can relate to the post though, I was grandma’s pet, she meant the world to me, when she died, I was devastated. Your post reminds me of her 🙂
I think what you have captured in this incredibly well written post is the meaning of life. While sad, it is also a huge triumph of love, and why we need to make the most of each day, and show people in our lives just how important they are. You have outdone yourself, and have set forth a wonderful tribute to “Manga”. I cannot remember reading something so powerful in some time.
Well Done
What a beautiful story. I was referred here by Lee of Tar Heel Ramblings. I’m glad he wrote of your remembrances of your dear Manga. We should all be so lucky to have had a woman like her in our lives.
RMH:
Aw. Thank you. xxoo ?
Dawn:
I hope so.
Roshan:
Yes indeed.
Courtney Ryan:
Call your grandmothers! And preserve their story!
Nick:
I know this was a LONG post. Thank you for taking the time to read it. Im glad you enjoyed this post. And I am glad I reminded you of the find memories with your own grandmother.
Speedy:
That warms my heart to hear. THANK YOU. I am always thrilled when someone appreciates the WRITING. xxoo
Kathy:
Thank you for coming over and reading my story. Lee was so kind to write his post about this post. He rocks. (and so do you!)
Oh…..Meleah…My heart is racing and eyes welled….
What a treasure. So simple so precious. Sigh.
I have lost my father’s voice. Just even uttering that, puts a knot in my throat…One day, one day his voice will return.
A beautiful moment Meleah, Thank you for sharing with us!
hugs and all the mooshy stuff!
Peace
Wow – I thank you for that stirring piece and I’ll keep my hopes up. My parents have been married for 30 years and still play cards and spend time together.
Hopefully that will come my way.
Jodi:
Thank you so much. I worked hard on this post. I hope your father’s voice returns to you one day. and soon.
Orange:
Thank you. I hope you get to have that kind of love in your life too. (I hope to find that as well)
Thanks for that wonderful story. I too, am crying, for your grandfather and for myself. I had a grandma so much like your Manga, stylish, manicured, hair done at the salon each week. She didn’t have Alzheimers but she had a series of small strokes that were undetected for a very long time and each time, she lost a little part of herself. Nobody realized what was going on. She and my grandpa came to visit me in February (several years ago) and during their week long stay, she deteriorated in front of my eyes, she must have been having some strokes while staying here and we didn’t know it. When I took them to the airport that last day, I knew in my heart that I would never see her again. She died two months later, in a hospital, in full dementia. I am so glad I never saw her again but I am sad that my last memories of her were watching her slowly dying bit by bit while visiting me. I only wish I had her feisty, funny voice to listen to again. Thanks for making me think about her again, I think it is good to remember how much we miss our loved ones, even if it makes us sad.
That is a priceless gift. I would give everything I have to hear my beloved Grandmother’s voice again. And you’re right – true love does exist. The proof was right in front of you. What a beautiful, beautiful family you have. I am so moved by this.
Great post Mia! BRILLIANTLY written as usual. Keep up the good work!!
I miss my Grandma so much. I’m so thankful to have a lot of cousins to get together with a few times a year and go down memory lane. We try to keep her sayings, her gestures, ALL of her alive. I loved this post. Made me think of her today.
Beth:
You just made ME cry. Oh honey, that is so sad. But at least you have the good memories and I am glad that my post reminded you of them.
Selma:
I have been DYING for you to read this. Thank you for your wonderful comment and friendship.
Danny:
aww….thanks sweety.
Momo:
There is a such special relationship with Grandmothers…That is AWESOME you and your family gt together and keep those memories alive. Im glad you liked this post, and I am even more glad that I was able to reminded you of your own grandma. xxoo xxoo
This is incredibly challenging to read, and write. My only Granny died of Alzheimers, it’s the worst thing in the whole world.
I understand about trying not to think about it.
What a beautiful post, full of soooo much LOVE! Thanks for sharing Manga!
Piper:
That disease robs people of their dignity. I wanted this post to preserve my grandmothers beauty.
Im so sorry to hear about your granny too. Just awful.
Thanks for taking the time to come by and read this post. xxoo
🙂
This post was so beautiful and touching and human. I’m glad you mentioned it over at Urban Observation! I also believe in true love and hope to experience it some day. It’s so wonderful that you have been able to observe it, that it’s not just some fairy tale!
I cried reading this. It really is lovely.
Meleah that was wonderful…and very emotional…you brought a tear to the ye of this redneck…psst don’t tell anyone..:)
wonderful story Meleah..It was full of emotion and very well told..It brought a tear to my eye..I could hear her laugh..ps back new blog..:)
Ms Q:
Long time, no see. Thank you.
And hey, if I never get to HAVE “it” in my own life, at least I got to SEE “it” in real life…right?
ROBERT!
whew. people (including myself) are looking for you. Im on my way over to the new blog. Glad you are OK and glad you are BACK.
Thank you for taking the time to come over and read this post. *means a lot to me* xxoo
A truly beautiful and moving post. I am sat here in my lounge with a glass of wine in my hand reading each and every word. You have such a warm way of writing, that clearly comes from your heart. I am sure that your Grandmother is looking down on you with great pride. We can never bring people back, but we can hold on to their fond memories. For it is through memories that our loved ones live on.
I’m not sure if I have told you before (forgive me if I have), my Gran died one night last year after falling out of a second floor window at her care home. She was suffering from senile dementia and mistook the window for the front door of her old house. My parents, my sisters and myself were lucky enough to have spent a happy afternoon with her the day before, and we hold onto those memories along with the old film clips, slides and photographs taken during her life. She will always be in our hearts. We miss her loads, and we know she is all around us.
Meleah, thanks for sharing your warm memories of Grandmother. As with your Grandmother, you are a truly wonderful lady.
Warm wishes ~ Graham xxoo
Just wanted to say that your post was just lovely. Alzheimer’s Disease is hideous – my Grandfather died of it so many years ago, but the effects are still fresh in my mind. It’s horrible what this does to so many.
Thank you for sharing.