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Just another one of those days….

I woke up, late! late! late! (I must have forgotten to set my alarm or something.) There’s nothing quite like starting your day off with a complete panic attack, a.k.a the “Oh! shit! factor.”

Justin… “GET UP! NOW! We are FUCKED! Move your little ASS! Get, IN the shower! GO! NOW!”

(my neighbors H-A-T-E me, I am very L-O-U-D to begin with, screaming bloody murder at 815am does not help the situation, I cant even fake being a good tenant anymore)

Damn it… I’m going to be late, again! and just when I was doing soooo good at the office. Fuck me!

Rushing doesn’t make time go any slower, for some reason rushing makes time move faster.

Rushing also causes a really BAD HAIR day. Frizzy, full of static (that wasn’t helped even with using a dryer sheet on my head to control the clinging-ness of it…yes, I used BOUNCE on my HAIR …shuddup… I was desperate.) My hair, which is unmanageable on a good day is currently ½ straight, ½ curly, ½ up, ½ down, sporting a 1982 rocker chick, heavy metal, monster truck show lover look. Hot! Right?!

NO PICTURES of THAT mess!!!

Finally, we are outta the house at the exact same time I was supposed to already be in the office. Great! Plus, now, I have the added travel time because since we have missed the bus by like an hour, I have to drive my son to school.

Me, and my bad hair, threw a breakfast bar at JCH, which he was forced to eat in the car as fast as he could, and then, dropped off the child at school a half hour late into classes. I am a bad mother. (with bad hair.)

The second my son was out of the car, I lit up a cigarette. I smoked that bad boy long and hard, all the way down to the nasty filter.

The second I hit the NJTPK I lit another cigarette. (That’s TWO cigarettes out of my FOUR per-day “dare” / self-inflicted rule within a half hour.)

Speeeeeeeeeeeding down the pike, making really good time, pissed at myself for being late, pissed at myself for already smoking two cigarettes and secretly flipping the fuck out because I have O.C.D. and I left my house without making my bed!

When, I GET PULLED OVER by Mr. State Trooper.

THANK YOU G-D…. he wasn’t one of those NAZI / Trooper types because he took pity on me, and my bad hair, when I cried that I am 10 feet from my office and 10 minuets away from being fired! (which isn’t true, it just sounded good.)

Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease Mr. Officer?! Can you have some mercy on me as I am already freeeeeaking out! and my bed isn’t even made!!!

No ticket! WOOT!

At one point during my commute…I thought I was hallucinating. I thought the use of the patch and two quickly inhaled cigarettes MUST be making me crazy…or, maybe all the glue from the scotch tape wads has eaten away at my brain, when I saw white stuff in the air. WTF? What… is that? Is that dirt? Why is it white? Wait…. is it? Is that…. snow? No! Way! It IS! OH MY GOD flurries!!!

One hour late to work, slammed with accounts, I planned on staying an HOUR late to make up for my missed time and catch up on work, when I remembered I have to leave EARLY to go to GI DOCTORS OFFICE for some more test results and a milligram change in medications.

After shooting of this email to my manager:

“I’m sorry I was late, I must’ve forgotten to set my alarm last night. Then while rushing to get here I was pulled over by a St Trooper for SPEEEEEEEEEEEDING, (no ticket thank god, I cried my way out of that one) and I forgot I have to leave at 2pm today because have a GI DOCTORS appointment. SO THIS IS A BAD day for me. I am so ! sorry! I will not be taking a LUNCH at all. Please deduct 1 hour for being late this morning and 2 hours having to leave early, for a TOTAL OF 3 hours today.”

I smoked my THIRD cigarette.

and that was all before 11am.

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  • AT SIXES AND SEVENS

    GOOD GOING.
    NOW YOU HAVE TO WAIT A LONG ASS TIME BEFORE SMOKING YOUR LAST CIG OF THE DAY.

  • Meg

    That does NOT sound like a good start to the day. Sheesh!

  • meleah rebeccah

    yeah OKAY today NOT GOOD … It better CHANGE and soon!!

  • Anonymous

    Yup…that’s why I blow my curly hair straight every day! Ugh…someday I won’t care, I’m sure. Seriously…I am NOT SMOKING, I can’t believe it! When am I supposed to start feeling good about all of this? I miss it sort of, but not like I thought I would. Maybe I’ll just wear a patch forever.

    Lauren

  • meleah rebeccah

    I am sooo happy for you! Really! That’s sooo awesome NOT SMOKING and even BETTER that you DON’T even MISS IT… That is INCREDIBLE!!

    and hey, if the patch is working… KEEP IN ON as long as you HAVE to!!

    I wonder? are there patch withdrawals?

    huh? maybe I should actually RESEARCH some of the products I put in / on my body!!

  • Anonymous

    I’m sure there is nicotine withdrawal…I am supposed to do Patch 1 for 6 weeks then cut down to Patch 2 for 2 weeks and then Patch 1 for 2 weeks…pray for me. I finally removed my glue squares, I was trying on clothes this weekend at the mall and with the lighting I just looked like a dirty homeless woman.

    Lauren

  • meleah rebeccah

    OMG! That’s HYSTERICAL… dirty homeless woman is awesome!

    I have a few lingering glue patches but I refuse to remove it. I haven’t even shaved my legs in months….

    I’ll give you a run for the money in the dirty homeless look a like contest

    That’s another GREAT thing about the patch… the STEPS… makes it no-so-shocking to get off the nicotine!

  • meleah rebeccah

    and now my DAY is getting BETTER, playful BANTER! YES!

  • Anonymous

    I JUST CHECKED IN YOUR BLOG AND ALL I CAN DO IS PRAY YOU MAKE IT HOME ALIVE.
    I JUST SAW THERE WAS AN 8 MILE BACK-UP ON THE N.J.T.P. IN WHICH SOMEONE DIED. AT 2:15PM
    I ALSO SAW THAT KOSLOSKI RD. IS SHUT DOWN AS THAT ANSWERS MY QUESTION  AT  2:45PM   (WHERE WAS THAT CRIME SCENE UNIT MOTORING TO AS I WAS BANKING THIS AFTERNOON?)   THERE WAS A HORRIFIC ACCIDENT AT KOSLOSKI AND DUTCH LANE IN WHICH 4 PEOPLE WERE KILLED AND A FIFTH FIGHTS FOR LIFE.
    SO IF YOU ARE HOME AND YOU ARE READING THIS E-MAIL +  YOUR SON IS BY YOUR SIDE????????
    THEN YOUR DAY WASN’T TOO BAD AFTER ALL IN THE BIG PICTURE BABE.
    SORRY IT DIDN’T QUITE GO YOUR WAY….
    SO IF YOU CAN SIT BACK AND ENJOY A SMOKE …..
    THEN YOU ARE OTAY PANKY!!!!!!!!!!!!
    IF NOT DON’T BOTHER..
    WAIT TILL YOU CAN…
    RATZA RUK

    Olly / MR O

  • meleah rebeccah

    Mr.O

    okay.. so YOU are TYPING in ALL CAPS like Jen now… I have TWO OF YOU in CONSTANT CAPS… Christ!

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