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its 1:23 am

(I dont care what that time stamp says , it’s wrong.)

I cant sleep or type… all I can do is chain smoke cigarettes and pace around my room… there is a book signing?

Ummmmmm… I need to go, I want to go, I have to go. I can’t go. I need baby sitter, will I need the next day OFF from work?… I will need some one to drive me in and out of the city. I need to go, I want to go, I have to go. I can’t go. What if she doesn’t even want any “CASCADE” people there?

………. I will NEVER get to bed tonight……

UPDATED: This is why I love my fellow women bloggers, when I am too tired to express what I am thinking or feeling; when I can’t find the words within myself,  one of them, inevitably, comes along and articulates it perfectly.

To quote Jod{i}  from Beyond The Cracked Window.

 “The burden of feeling lost. The bowels of our gut, hurt. Or is it the elation of a quickened heart?”

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  • BFD

    By all means, … u should go! What’s an asylum w/o all the inmates?
    I’m giving u permission to go…. Normally, Id be jealous…. but have fun!

  • Meleah

    I finally made it to bed around 3am. My stomach is raw today. I’m exhausted. I am at work….I am barely functional. I still can’t type, or think straight …. However after a morning full of emails, and planning…I am going to the book signing with Marc (a fellow Cascadian) in NYC tomorrow night.

    Apparently, she does want “Cascadian’s” or at least people for an open discussion.

    Here is the info:
    Promoting Gone to the Crazies
    Thursday, July 26, 2007
    07:00 PM
    BARNES & NOBLE/Astor Place
    4 Astor Place New York, NY 10003
    212-420-1322 store

    Alison Weaver is going to read from the book, followed by an open discussion. The store said it usually lasts from 1 – 1.5 hours.

    So I will be equally as tired for work on Friday, but I think it will be well worth it.

    I can’t believe I will be with TWO former students tomorrow night. TWO.

    I haven’t seen Marc since Graduation some 15 odd years ago.

    I wonder if others will be there, ones that went after me? before me? with me?

  • I’m glad you are going! Although I’m pretty new here, I think you will be, too.

  • Go. Good Luck! We’ll be here when you get back 😉

  • Meleah

    I’m actually REALLY excited. I’m just tooo tired to be my regular scrappy self.

  • Meleah, I have a really good feeling about this for you in terms of healing. I can’t wait to hear how it goes.

  • oh go!!!!! i just know it will be an excellent experience!!!! work is work,, it will be there no matter how tired you are friday…. this is a once in a life time deal… go go go

  • I wish Noo Yawk was closer than 6 hours away. I’d totally go for support. 🙂

  • go go go! Open the closet and dust off those skeletons…maybe you can leave them at the signing. I’m sure there will be plenty of others hoping to do the same….And I couldn’t sleep or write last night either….but for different reasons. The blank page on the computer screen bullied me into submission. Have you ever felt this way? Like you have so much to say and write but there’s just this ONE issue blocking your creative juices. What kind of metaphorical prunes do you recommend to get rid of my creative constipation?

    PS: Maybe just one picture! I woke up pretty confident about my speech tomorrow night. I’m just sick of thinking about at this point! I just wanna do it and be able to enjoy the rest of the evening…

  • jodi

    Well I am late to the discussion…
    That need that feeling within gut may not have been answered if you did not go, as others may be there…feeling the same.
    If anything, it will fill some void, possibly or at the very least give the path some direction (or sweep off some of the dust)

    And yes you can use that quote..Thank you, that is quite a compliment!


  • Deb

    Came here from Ricardo’s blog…he’s right—-you are an incredible writer!

    I have had my share of insomnia too. I think the type you were struggling with is excitement. There’s nothing wrong with that.

    Good luck at your signing! Sounds exciting…!

  • Meleah

    Holly: I will be suer to divulge all the details 🙂

    Paisley: Oh I am going baby. Im dying my hair and shaving my legs…

    Leslie: man I wish you were going with me, “big sister and little sister arrive together” now that would be awesome. You know I will be calling your cell every 15v minuets with updates.

    SomeGirl: “Have you ever felt this way? Like you have so much to say and write but there’s just this ONE issue blocking your creative juices” ….YES…whenever I have PMS… I either get a surge and write like a psycho, or I am defunkt and empty. Alas I have no cure, I just bang my head on the wall, or tripping the elderly… you know fun stuff instead of staring at the screen, that will only taunt you! … Please take a picture of that expression. and man do I know how you feel you just want it Done and Over already!

    Jodi: Thanks for writing that today. It clarified what I am feeling PERFECTLY.


    Deb: Hey, welcome. Thanks!

  • You’ll feel so much lighter after it’s done.

  • FV

    Go and have fun Mel, you deserve a trip to New yawk!


  • Opps–still can’t get into that last post. I will put it up probably tonight along with some commentary on my dear Harry–I love him!

    I’m from Philly so we are neighbors!

  • Hey… hope it’s healing and helps you put the demons to rest!

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