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I Guess I Really Do Only Hear What I Want To Hear.

[REVISED EDITION]

When I heard my doctor say I had the 3-day Measles (also referred to German Measles or Rubella) I thought he said I was only contagious for 3 days. I was wrong. Oops and My Bad.

(That’s because I hear what I want, instead of listening to the facts… just because, I FELT FINE! I assumed I WAS fine.)

Like a dumbass, I went to work today. (Because, I FEEL FINE!) I thought Friday, Saturday and Sunday were the contagious period. That was until my father called me during lunch-time to tell me that he had just spoken to Maya, my sister-in-law, who happens to be pregnant and has an 11 month old son (my nephew baby Jackson). Her doctor told her not to come to my parent’s house for this Fathers day (Sunday) since I would still pose a threat to her, Jackson, and the unborn baby girl presently tucked in her tummy.

“Huh? What? No I am not! I am not a threat. How can I be a threat? I FEEL FINE! I thought I was only contagious for three days. I got these freeking measles on Friday!”

My father continued to tell me that maybe I needed another opinion, or to check with my doctor again. Frantically I turned to my beloved internet and look up German Measles (you’d think I would have looked this up the day I was diagnosed… right? {but I suffer from the lazy whore syndrome} I don’t “look up” unless I have to!)

Here is what I found, click for full article.

(Apparently, it doesn’t matter if you “feel” fine…)

This is the most relevant part, the same info that would have been handy…Um. Yesterday.


“Contagiousness: The rubella virus passes from person to person through tiny drops of fluid from the nose and throat. People who have rubella are most contagious from 1 week before to 1 week after the rash appears. Someone who is infected but has no symptoms can still spread the virus.”

I called my doctor to confirm, who in turn said, “Yes it’s called the three day measles, but you are contagious for up to a week. Sometimes longer.”

“Great. Thanks.”

Why the hell? Do they call it the Three Day Measles! That’s rather misleading! Really, they need to change that! Right away.

and…. I FEEL FUCKING FINE!

Then, in true drama queen fashion I started to freak out. Freak. Out. I started foaming at the mouth at my desk, because ohmygod I may have infected my whole office now? (even if I feel fine) Ohmygod there are pregnant people here. Ohmygod I now I really am going to get fired too. This is bad. (I didn’t feel fine right about then…) What do I do? Do I leave my desk right now? Run out of here screaming for Clorox wipes and grab a hose with a spray gun nozzle to dispense Lysol? Police tape off my desk area? Apply gloves and a surgical mask on my way out the door? And what about Fathers day? I am going to ruin Fathers day. I wont show up for Fathers day. I get to see my daddy every day; I want him to see his two sons and their pregnant wives! My father only sees them maybe once every few months. (both daughters in-law, Traci and Maya are pregnant). My presence could do some serious damage…because even though I FEEL FINE! I am Typhoid Mary all of a sudden.

One of my co-workers (also like father figure to me) knows just how to calm my down from a melodrama9 sceneario. He called the office manager up to our floor, and cut me off before opening my big fat mouth to explain my new predicament. Things were going fine and dandy until I did open my big fat mouth and started crying….”I am going to get fired I know it.”

My manger looked at me and said, “You are not going to get fired, I am so sick of hearing you say you are going to get fired, if you were going to get fired, you would have been fired A LONG TIME AGO, if you say you are going to get fired on more time, I am going to fire you for saying it!”

“Okay…okay…I just get so worried and so worked up, I feel like I am letting the office, this company down.”

Needless to say, I was sent home, NOT.FIRED. to work here. Away from the healthy people. I will be HOME until Friday. (Maybe even Monday). I brought back all my office files, I have my fax, printer, scanner ready for action, and thankfully I can operate fully as if I was in the office from home.

When I got home, I received this email from my mother, who sent this out to my whole damn family:

Meleah is 1 in 300 million (gee…wow…I am THAT special)

U.S. POPClock Projection
According to the U.S. Bureau of the Census, the resident population of the United States, projected to 06/11/07 at 19:16 GMT (EST+5) is a total of: 302,062,437

COMPONENT SETTINGS FOR JUNE 2007
One birth every……………………………. 7 seconds
One death every……………………………. 13 seconds
One international migrant (net) every………… 27 seconds
Net gain of one person every………………… 10 seconds

In 2003, there were only eight rubella cases reported in the United States.

In 2004, there were only nine rubella cases reported in the United States.

From 2005-2007, there have been only twenty-five rubella cases reported in the United States.

We can rest assured that number will now be a cool 26 once my ass is added.

So my whole plan, of ‘get it together week’ has been shot to hell. Even though I FEEL FINE! So much for making plans and setting personal goals! (and maybe this is just why its better to be a {lazy whore})

Also, why? When I have this kind of time OFF from work, (and FEEL FINE!) rather then being on an island? Or having any kind of vacation? Or having the opportunity to go back up to NH and visit my favorite Leslie..I will be spending that time in quarantineville. Feeling like Job, waiting for the festering boils to appear.

At least I love my house. Since, I wont be leaving it for a week. and, FEELING FINE!

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  • I should be preparing for the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse if I were you…

    I would also be looking of ways to milk this thing for all it’s worth…

    (Either way, I do hope you are feeling better darling, even if the turn of events continues in a horrific and untimely spiral…)

    xox

  • I’m so not coming to see you right now, BUT… think of all the free time you have to accept certain writing offers certain people have been sending you, so you can work from home ALL the DAMN TIME. Contagious or not. Seriously. 😉 It takes me 30 minutes to write a 500 word article for this chick I sent you – LE ME TRAIN YOU to do what I do!!!!!

  • Meleah

    oh hell yes Leslie! I am all over it.

    Domestic Minx: That’s just it… I FEEL FINE. Thats why I went to work! I’m not “milking” anything! I can’t be in public… or on a beach, or leave my house…! (maybe a blessing after all!)

  • FV

    Cleaning anyone?

  • Meleah

    My ears maybe… SO I CAN HEAR

  • FV

    Get well soon my friend.

  • JENNIFER

    FEEL BETTER.

  • Meleah

    OMG… people…. did you READ what I wrote? … I FEEL FINE.

  • ONLY 26 reported cases???
    How did you manage to be so damn lucky?

  • Sorry this is happening to you! You could be using this time to come visit!!! Or was that YOU that signed off IM the second I signed on??? lol….

  • You really are lucky!
    You get to be sick and feel fine all at the same time… cool 🙂

  • Hey, Your friend’s right. Use the time to write so you won’t ever have to worry about getting fired from your day job again! Plus, writing always makes time go by more quickly.

  • Meleah

    Hey Real Mother Hen: I guess! My mom found that somewhere on the internet!

    Mike: dood… you know ONLY me right!?

    Dawn: Yeah, I guess, but I can’ even go to the store if I need something, I’m too scared I would run into a pregnant lady or bum into an infant and get them sick!

    HollyGL: Im all over it.

  • You CRACK me up and no I’m not gonna go all blog-crazy on your ass for telling me I’m a toad!!!! YOu are too too funny……….we’d be dangerous if we went out for a beer together…..

  • Meleah

    Whew!….. and mmmmmm BEER.

  • This means you truly are a one of a kind in every sense of the word! Get well soon.

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