Holy shit – I can’t believe you’re seventeen years old!
Where did all of the time go?
It seems just like yesterday when you had your first glass of orange juice and asked, “Who put feathers inside my cup?”
It seems just like yesterday when you almost drowned in quicksand.
It seems just like yesterday when you had an evil imaginary friend named Jackrafire.
It seems just like yesterday when I made this silly movie for you.
It seems just like yesterday when you started high school.
It seems just like yesterday when you cut off all your hair and pierced your ears.
It seems just like yesterday when you dressed up as a woman for school.
But it also feels like a really long time ago.
I am more proud of you than I’ve ever been.
I am more impressed with you than I’ve ever been.
And yet, I am more nervous about letting you go than I’ve ever been.
As I hand you the keys to the car, and surrender you to the universe, please remember these Top Ten Things while driving.
- Do not drink and drive.
- Do not text and drive. In fact don’t use your phone at all while driving.
- Always wear your seat belt.
- Always check your mirrors. And use your head. Literally. Turn your head to look to avoid blind spots.
- Always signal when turning or changing lanes.
- Do not tailgate or cut people off. Basically, don’t drive like a dick. Even if you are surrounded by dicks. And just because I am not in the car supervising anymore doesn’t mean you get to be cocky and arrogant behind the wheel.
- Do not speed. It’s better to be late and arrive alive.
- Always be aware of other drivers and what they’re doing – especially motorcyclists. Also, you are on the road every day with the drunks, the suicidal, the medically unfit, and the seriously stupid. Be mindful.
- Keep your eyes on the road.
- In the event you’re in an accident or if the car breaks down: Stay with the vehicle. Call 911. Call me. In that order.
- Bonus Advice: DON’T DIE! Be smart. Be safe.
And lastly, but most importantly, always remember how much I love you.
Happy 17th Birthday, Justin!
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