header image

Friday Funnies: Dear Employees

*Since I am still catching up on ‘work’ stuff… here is another appropriate joke for the day. Happy Friday. Have a great weekend!*

Dear Employees:

It has been brought to management’s attention that some individuals throughout the company have been using foul language during the course of normal conversation with their co-workers.

Due to complaints received from some employees who may be easily offended, this type of language will no longer be tolerated. We do however, realize the critical importance of being able to accurately express your feelings when communicating with co-workers.

Therefore, a list of 18 New and Innovative “TRY SAYING” phrases have been provided so that proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in an effective manner.

1. TRY SAYING:
I think you could use more training.
INSTEAD OF:
You don’t know what the f___ you’re doing.

2. TRY SAYING:
She’s an aggressive go-getter.
INSTEAD OF:
She’s a ball-busting b__ch.

3. TRY SAYING:
Perhaps I can work late.
INSTEAD OF:
And when the f___ do you expect me to do this?

4. TRY SAYING:
I’m certain that isn’t feasible.
INSTEAD OF:
No f______ way.

5. TRY SAYING:
Really?
INSTEAD OF:
You’ve got to be sh__ing me!

6. TRY SAYING:
Perhaps you should check with…
INSTEAD OF:
Tell someone who gives a sh__.

7. TRY SAYING:
I wasn’t involved in the project.
INSTEAD OF:
It’s not my f______ problem.

8. TRY SAYING:
That’s interesting.
INSTEAD OF:
What the f___?

9. TRY SAYING:
I’m not sure this can be implemented.
INSTEAD OF:
This sh__ won’t work.

10. TRY SAYING:
I’ll try to schedule that.
INSTEAD OF:
Why the h___ didn’t you tell me sooner?

11. TRY SAYING:
He’s not familiar with the issues.
INSTEAD OF:
He’s got his head up his a__.

12. TRY SAYING:
Excuse me, sir?
INSTEAD OF:
Eat sh__ and die.

13. TRY SAYING:
So you weren’t happy with it?
INSTEAD OF:
Kiss my a__.

14. TRY SAYING:
I’m a bit overloaded at the moment.
INSTEAD OF:
F___ it, I’m on salary.

15. TRY SAYING:
I don’t think you understand.
INSTEAD OF:
Shove it up your a__.

16). TRY SAYING:
I love a challenge.
INSTEAD OF:
This job sucks.

17. TRY SAYING:
You want me to take care of that?
INSTEAD OF:
Who the h___ died and made you boss?

18. TRY SAYING:
He’s somewhat insensitive.
INSTEAD OF:
He’s a pr_ck.

Thank You,
Human Resources

If you liked my post, feel free to subscribe to my rss feeds

  • HILARIOUS! I would much rather work in a swearing office than a non-swearing one but what can you do? # 4 is definitely my favourite. You should be head of HR. Thanks for the laugh. Have a great weekend.

  • Bob

    Glad you are feeling better..just read you were sick. Well anyway I love these expressions in addition to the top 10 of working in the cubicle.. Will have to pass these around since I think I have thought about all of them..

  • Meleah

    SELMA: Number 12 is my FAVORITE

    BOB: Yep These are GOLDEN. Thanks it feels good to feel better!

  • LOL!!!, thats funny

  • Love them all, especially # 2, # 16 and # 18.

  • No one here will let me have a sign that say, “Sorry! My monthly supply of give a shit is gone! Come back on the 1st” What the hell is THAT about? I mean, it’s the 28th today. I feel I should warn people, don’t you?

  • Meleah

    Vanessa: I do have a SIGN on my desk that says that!! And once they have been warned, if they get too close or say something too stupid than its not my fucking problem. Right?

    Ingrid & Marsha: Glad to make ya’ll laugh!

  • This is priceless! Thank you so much for the laugh!

  • Absolutely hilarious. I can think of 10 people I need to send this to just to give them some laughs today. LOVE IT!

  • Meleah

    Sweet!

  • I remember getting in trouble for having a sign that said:

    SNAFU=SOP

  • Meleah

    BOB G: love it! C’mon what wrong with a sign like that!!

  • That was really funny. 😀

  • #8 works for me! LOL

  • I use the first sentence when talking to my boss and the second version with my co-workers, hahaha.

  • Great stuff! Thanks for sharing.

  • Loved it, loved it, LMAO (oops, suppose I can’t say that in the office either)… but will definitely be passing this one around there! 🙂

  • Thanks Meleah, you have no idea how much this is needed in my office!!!!

  • Classic !

  • Meleah

    Yup.

  • Great ones! Will have to show hubby. 🙂

Blog Directory for Manalapan, New Jersey