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Elf On A Shelf – The ‘Angry’ Jewish Version

Wednesday morning I woke up at 6:00am – after two days, in bed, with a stomach virus AND my period. I stripped away my sweaty, germ-infested, dirty, sheets, and headed to the laundry room. And that’s when I saw my first Nicholas Cage head. I thought, “WTF? Why is that here?” And started to laugh.

 

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On my way downstairs I noticed more Nicholas Cage heads. But I wasn’t exactly sure what was going on, or if I was still dreaming.

Groggy and confused, I poured my 1st cup of coffee. And that’s when I saw another Nicholas Cage head on the side of my refrigerator.

 

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Still wiping the crust out of my eyes …

I see ANOTHER Nicholas Cage head on my kitchen table.

 

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WHAT THE F%CK IS HAPPENING?

 

 

Now if you don’t know me, you don’t know I have serious OCD issues.
Like, legit diagnosed, OCD.
Bad.

 

Immediately my thought process starts with …

“Are you kidding me? Who wasted all of our printer ink making Nicholas Cage heads? Why are these all over my house? Holy fucking shit, people. Don’t I clean enough? Y’all have to leave ACTUAL TRASH for me to find and clean up? Because YOU think it’s FUNNY?!!”

I am literally on a violent rampage, inside my own head.

Because at 6am this was NOT funny.

Oh, no.

At 6am, NOTHING IS FUCKING FUNNY, especially without coffee.

 

Instead of taking pictures of these random Nicholas Cage heads [in the wall unit, in the family photos on the walls, in the downstairs bathroom] I proceeded to rip them down – all the while huffing, and puffing, and muttering expletives.

 

A few hours later, my darling son, JCH, arises from the dead – home from college on winter break. He attempts to get a cup of coffee with a shit-eating-grin plastered on his face.

 

“JUSTIN, ARE YOU RESPONSIBLE FOR THESE GODDAMN NICHOLAS CAGE HEADS ALL OVER MY HOUSE? WTF, DUDE. WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?”

 

He doesn’t reply.

At all.

Just grabs his coffee and leaves.

 

“YOU BETTER GET RID OF THIS SHIT, YO! I CAN’T WITH THIS. I AM NOT LAUGHING.”

 

A few hours later – while laundering, cleaning, and cooking – I see ANOTHER Nicholas Cage head inside the kitchen ‘cutting board’ drawer.

 

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And then, I started to laugh.

Like full body giggle.

And then, it finally dawned on me.

My son was actually PLAYING with me.

Something he hasn’t done, in a VERY long time, and especially NOT often, now that he’s away in college.

And I posted it on Facebook …….

 

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And then I went on THE HUNT to find these crazy Nicholas Cage heads – all over my damn house!!

I found NC Heads:

Inside other photos, IN FRAMES. On my bed. Inside my desk. On the toilets. And on door handles.

 

* Apparently, Justin planted over 150 Nicholas Cage heads somewhere in my house. I may find myself laughing for the next few months.

 

———————————-

Dear Justin,

Well played, Whosteen.

Well, played.

Your grandfather, Poppa-Uh, will be proud.

Love,
M

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  • While it may not of been funny to your sick and OCDed self at 6 AM, it’s HILARIOUS from my perspective. I think your son is a riot…a clever and creative riot. That is the funniest prank I have heard of in a very long time. Great job, Justin!!!

  • Right?? Best prank ever! I’m glad it’s funny to you! And I’m glad it’s funny to me, now! Ha!

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