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Dear Santa

*Whoever wrote this is awesome*

The following is an email going around my office:

Dear Santa,

You must be surprised that I am writing to you today December 26th.

Well, I would very much like to clear up certain things that have occurred since the beginning of the month, when filled with illusion, I wrote you my letter. I asked for a bicycle, an electric train set a pair of roller blades, and a football uniform.

I destroyed my brain studying the whole year. Not only was I the first in my class, but I had the best grades in the whole school. I am not going to lie to you. There was NO ONE in my entire neighborhood that behaved better than me. I went on errands, and even helped the elderly cross the street. There was virtually nothing within reach that I would not have done for humanity.

What balls you have leaving me a fucking yo-yo, a lame whistle, and a pair of ugly socks.

What the fuck were you thinking? You fat prick. You think that you’ve taken me for a sucker for this whole fucking year, and come out with some shit like this under the tree.

As if you hadn’t dicked me enough, you gave that fucking pussy across the street so many toys he cant even walk into his house.

Don’t let me see you trying to fit your big fat ass down my chimney next year. I will fuck you up. I’ll throw rocks at your dumbass reindeer and scare them away so you’ll have to walk back to the North Pole, just like what I have to do now, since you didn’t get me my fucking bike.

Fuck You Santa.

Next year, you’ll find out, just how bad I can be, you fat cocksucker.

Sincerely,

Little Johnny.

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  • Lee

    Hmmm….seems Santa really does see all and know all. Thanks for giving me a chuckle this morning.

  • that’s kind of like how i feel people who have great hardships in their life despite being really religious must feel…..

  • Oh My God, that is HYSTERICAL!!!! Is today your lay around day?? Enjoy!!

  • that was funny and rude and … i don’t know how to describe it… lol!

  • I think I know Johnny….

  • Bwahahahaa, Johnny is one cool cat! That was a good one, thanks Meleah!

  • Hey Meleah! How you doing?
    Sometimes the most undeserving ones seem to get the best don’t they.

  • :):):):):):)……Hey You fatass in the red suit take that…

  • Sounds like Santa lost a friend…lol

  • Ha!!!!!!!!!
    I won’t be blogging again until the 26th or 27th, so I wanted to wish you a very Merry Christmas, Meleah!!!!

  • Dan

    Guess who is getting coal in his stocking this year.

  • I already wrote an apology for that! Why did he have to circulate my letter written in anger? Fat bastard!

  • FV

    Johnny’s got a gun!!!

    Damn you Santa, you have little johnny all worked up hahahaha

    FV

  • LOL Angst! 🙂

    —–

    Visiting to say Thanks for the birthday greeting over at Jon’s site. Thanks Meleah!

  • Meleah

    Im glad you all enjoyed this one. I was peeing in my pants when I first read it.

    And, now that I am BACK FROM MY DAY OFF.
    Which, btw, was WONDERFUL: 24 solid hours: In bed, No Email, No Internet, No Phone. Nothing but Pajamas,TV, Hagen Daz Coffee Ice Cream, and sleeeeeeeeeeeep…. I will be posting some GREAT news and visiting all o f YOUR blogs.

    xxoo

  • Very, very funny!

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