Every time I sit down to write something, you’re nowhere to be found. And believe me, I’ve looked. I checked in all of your usual hiding places, with no such luck. It seems as though you’ve up and left. And you didn’t even bother to say goodbye.
Quite frankly, I’m a little worried.
Have you been kidnapped?
Are you lost?
Or are you just on vacation?
To be perfectly honest, my level of productivity has been severely impaired ever since your departure. And I can’t work without you. Therefore, I’m willing to make a few promises in exchange for your swift return.
- I vow to pay more attention to you. Even when you decided to make an appearance during the most inopportune moments. Like right before I fall asleep, or when I’m driving my car, or while I’m taking a shower.
- I promise to feed you a well-rounded variety of books, stories, articles, and blog posts, in order to keep you fresh. And coffee. And brownies. And bacon. And cheese. And vodka.
- I am committed to changing my inconsistent work ethic. I pledge to stick with our regular writing schedule on Sunday – Thursday nights from 11pm – 6am. And I will stop trying to force your hand during the daytime, because I know how much that pisses you off.
- I’m motivated. I’m inspired. And I am one thousand percent dedicated. In fact, I’m willing to check myself into ‘Writing Rehab’ while under a self-imposed-stay-at-home-lock-down, if necessary.
- Lastly, I will provide an endless supply of scented candles, a neatly organized workstation, and whatever else your heart desires.
So please, for the love of all things holy, come home already.
And let’s get back to work.
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