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Day Three

Worse than day two. I’m not kidding, I’m not being dramatic or overreacting like I have a tendency to do.

(and yes I am double posting)…(well copy pasting) because certain people do not understand that if a WORD is typed HERE and is in ANOTHER COLORlike blue, or purple, they can CLICK on it, and it will take them to another LINK, nor do they get the literal meaning of CLICK HERE when directed to do so

any-freekin-way….I thought each day was supposed to get easier not harder?

I did the same “lie to myself” maneuver as yesterday to handle the drive to and from work. “Okay, I’ll smoke when I get to exit 9, …. No, I’ll smoke when I get to exit 10….”

I keep telling myself Ill smoke when this or that is complete and then I promise to smoke after the next this or that.

But I want / need to smoke soooo fucking bad!

Why is today worse? (No one asked.) I tell you anyway….I have upgraded to Nicoderm CQ patch and Nicorette GUM and doubled the dose of Xanax, as this was my first day to interact with the “real people” again. and it is NOT.GOING.WELL.

I don’t think there are too many “fans” of my public display full of sudden uncontrollable outburst which have been seen, and felt, by the dozens of innocent bystanders, and often.

My body seems to have a built in timer set to a perfect clock, which causes so many nicotine and tobacco moments of obsession. Not just in the car, on the phone, or after a meal… Oh no, as I have learned today, I have real times during my day that trigger a nic-fit.

The 10am the official work smoke-break. From 12pm thru 1pm (lunch hour) is a full hour of multiple cravings and rages, and the famous 230pm afternoon official work smoke-break, send me in to a practical seizure of desire to inhale the clouds of carcinogenic pleaure.

I ate all my pen caps in the office as well as the gum, but for some reason scotch tape wads, are the most satisfying, and are now my favorite? flavor of things to chew.

So, while being forced to be in public, around real people in a “professional” setting, and being that I am really pisssssssed off…..

In an effort from keeping me from getting fired, and / or protect the harmless, my father has complied a warning / waiver to post / hang on my desk….so people would understand what’s happening to the regular bitchy me, (now turned psychotic freak) and go.the.fuck.away.from.me.


By signing below, you have read and understand the RISK of speaking to or even looking at Meleah. That your will hold Meleah and (Name of office) Harmless of any physical, mental or verbal abuse that may be directed at you. You may not call your mommy or run to the boss.

Please be advised that by reading this statement you acknowledge the fact that Meleah Hawthorne has recently quit smoking two packs a day after 20 years.

I am going to respectfully request that you do not approach or speak to Meleah and do NOT ask her a question, until after you have read this Warning Notice and you must sign below in agreement.

Be aware, Meleah may snap at any moment. Meleah may become irrational and unreasonable for long periods of time. Her “moodiness” will be raised to the degree of an amber terrorism alert.

While not smoking Meleah seems to have developed a severe case of hard core Touretts Syndrome and it cannot be stopped. The volume of her tone of voice is also beyond her control.

Meleah does not want to hear any suggestions you may have while “just trying to help.”

Please approach at your own risk. Do not take anything personally.

Sorry for the inconvenience.

Hopefully, this will be a short-lived experience for all of us.


*(and seriously, I have 35 signatures…including the electronic signatures I received after being emailed the above agreement)*

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  • meleah rebeccah

    I would have LOVED to scan and post the REAL warning sign with the REAL sigantures….but… I could have gotten “into BIG-FAT trouble” for that move….

    so…signatures I received:

    Pam P

    Sue W
    (consider this signed..but remember, I am so menopausal I might forget!!!!)

    Traci N

    Keith S

    George Z

    John B

    Leslie L

    Ed N

    Sue J

    Ron (dad)

    Pam (mom)

    Dave Ma
    (Gulp! I’ll sign!!)

    Dave Mo

    Dana S

    Roseanne B

    Sue H

    Jim O

    Elaine P

    Frank M


    Chris D
    (via electronic signature which did make me laugh today! but,I cant copy paste it.. I tried)

    Ect Ect Ect

  • Anonymous

    I can only imagine.

    Bob C

  • Anonymous



  • Anonymous

    LOL – too funny!


  • Anonymous

    HA! HA!

  • Leslie

    Scotch tape wads? That’s fucked up. I like super strong Extra Sugar Free Cinnamon gum myself, and coffee. LOTs of coffee. I’ve had three pakcs of gum TODAY. Blargh.

  • meleah rebeccah

    oh yeah SCOTCH TAPE wads. NASTY I know, but HANDY in a pinch!

    Gum isn’t cutting it, after a while it makes me feel sick….and it looses its flavor too fast….and scotch tape is free (when you use the office kind)

    I feel so bad for you and the AMOUNT of GUM you’ve has to EAT! Plus I have NO IDEA how you are doing this is a State (NH) that allows SMOKING INDOORS and EVERYONE around you is a smoker.


    PS…. my father (g-d bless him) brought me a surprise that I will take a picture of and POST in like 20 minutes

  • Anonymous

    You suck. I would be on day three to if I hadn’t smoked a few because I hate not smoking.

    Eating everything in sight

    lee v

  • Anonymous

    OK – first off, just use the patch at a normal dose. Per you post at survivors, here is you list of why you should quit smoking now and tips:
    1. Day 3 and 4 are the hardest if you can make it through these two, you’ll be ok. So, just tell yourself it’s one day at a time. Make it like a 12 step thingy!
    2. Your sex drive will go WAY up… Your ability to get off will increase in quickness and number of times.
    3. You will get sick less.
    4. You will save so much money, assuming you’re a pack a day smoker, that if you put half away in a college fund your darling boy can go to Harvard fully paid for by you.
    5. You will save so much money that the other half can be spent on SHOES! Or the expensive facial products you were talking about in an earlier post.
    6. You will also save money on laundry and dry cleaning because everything you own won’t reek of ciggies after you wear it. I suggest you spend that money on shoes, but that’s just me.
    7. You won’t die. You can see your grandchildren grow up.
    8. You won’t get those gross lip wrinkles years before the rest of your face decides to do it’s best prune impersonation.
    9. You will no longer wake up weezing or cough up lung cookies when you first get out of bed.
    10. Your body absorbs the tabacco and makes you smell and taste like it. You quit smoking now and the kitty will taste like candy within two weeks.
    11. If you get a wild hair up your bum, you can run a marathon on your 40th birthday. But only if you quit smoking now.

    Sending you good thoughts on this endeavor! If you can do it, so can I!


  • meleah rebeccah


    Just what I needed to HEAR!!

  • Anonymous

    hang in there, sweetpea!!

  • Leslie

    Cascade Peeps all quitting together??? I fucking love it.

    Leslie Poston

  • meleah rebeccah

    you know the cascade peeps: ROCKTHESOPT.COM.ORG.EDU.NET.GOV.(ect)

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