As a Libra, my natural instinct is to have or create balance in my life. When the scales are askew, so am I. I think that is what has been going on with me lately. I went from one extreme to the other. I went from posting every single day, to not posting at all. I went from OCD cleaning to slob-o-rama. I went from spending little to no time with my son, to over compensating by spending excessive amounts of time with him (and the rest of my family / friends).
I felt so guilty for neglecting my family obligations I wanted to make it up to everyone all in one week. Clearly that is impossible.
What did I learn during these last two weeks? (first my emotional breakdown, followed by manic behavior complete with going out every single night and never sleeping) Is that I am not super woman. As much as I’d like to think I can handle everything that is on my plate with style and grace, I am constantly falling short somewhere. It is not to say that I can’t multi-task with the best of them, I can multi-task like a true champion. But what I have finally come to accept is that I need to figure out what my limitations are, and stay within those limits.
That’s the hard part. What can I give up? To make a little more room in my already way too busy life. .
Any suggestions? Because I have no idea.
i am a firm believer in taking the next logical step… just do what feels right.. and do everything one step at a time… less is better and more can wait… dont push,, as the energy will allow it to push back.. glide…….
I’m with Paisley. Do what feels right, what feels good and what you want to do. Obviously your son is a priority, but after that, just roll with the flow.
Holy sh*t, woman. (Libra – me too.) And balance is like perfection, it can never be attained and kept. Instead of balance, I’m looking for flow…
PAISLEY & MICHAEL C: This is GREAT ADVICE. Its like I am on a viscous cycle of “NON STOP” and I cant get off the ride….
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NG: HA! Thats why we clicked right away!
Sounds like you’re trying to do everything and spreading yourself a bit thin. If that is the case then maybe try doing a little less of everything (only a little) and then use that spare time to concentrate on yourself.
And don’t beat yourself up about life not being in balance – it’s never perfect, it’s just a work in progress and if something feels good then it probably is.
sounds like it’s time for you to give up perfect, my dear.
time to dedicate this year to learning how.
it’s hard to do, but once you get comfortable with GE (Good Enough) life is a LOT easier. love you! xoxoxoxoxoxox
GEEDOS: I am spreading myself way to thin. you hit that right on the head. I just need to take it easy.
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MOMMY: OMG YOU ARE RIGHT. I try way too hard to be PERFECT at everything when I “fall short” I beat myself up. I am going to have to practice GOOD ENOUGH. (I love you. Thank you.)
Put on a nice Bon Jovi cd, have a glass of wine and climb into the tub. Everything will be all better.
EBABE: Good Call, but maybe NOT Bon Jovi!
I’ll email you. and even though I will be out of town, I am bringing the MacBook and will have teh interwebs, so I will add those doohickeys you want. 😉
I love you Melz. Take care of you and your son, and the rest will follow. I promise.
And remember, there is no balance on the Pendulum. Only the swing. Your joy is your sorrow unmasked. Let it swing, babe.
I hear children can fetch a pretty penny on the black market…
I’m just sayin’…
LESLIE: You are the BOMB baby!
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JASON: Thats the best laugh I have had in DAYS. Thanks! 🙂
This is all great advice. I am a perfectionist too. Always have been. Logically, we realize its a losing battle, but its the emotional grip that then agitates the psyche that tends to take over.
I have always said that the best way to tackle anything is to simplify, and move forward in increments. You’re right, you have to prioritize and clear away the superfluous (sp?). I think it can be as basic as sitting down with a pen and pad of paper, and making lists (great for us perfectionists) of what your life consists of, and then breaking it down even more into how important each thing is to you and why.
THEN the trick would be to act on it. Actually make real changes to the way your life is set up. Your peace of mind and your health are what matters most here because with that in check, you will have even more to devote to your son and the other things that really matter. 🙂
Go with the flow Mel, do a little bit of each thing and you will be ok! don’t let your mind get the best of you, we all know you are not Superwoman you are Meleah R. H. she who fights and never gives up.
huggies
FV
If you always feel like you can’t get your stuff together, then just be happy to do what you want. Honestly, it all gets done eventually and you forget about your worry in a year anyway. hehe.
I also liked E-Babe’s answer.
Sounds like a lot of good advice from people who are really concerned about you; I think you’ll be ok if you just ease up on yourself a bit. It’s ok to aim high, but just because you don’t come up to your expectations is no reason to beat yourself up; just look at it as a first step, and remember that you’ve got the rest of your life to meet your goals.
Just my opinion.
you and me are like drops of condensation on a cold drink; quickly rolling down our paths, picking up speed and other drops along the way…until we hit another surface. Then we spread out in every direction; losing our momentum, direction and shape. How can we keep our shape and direction??
I didn’t help your quest…just thought I’d throw out my random thoughts ‘cuz I feel random and all over the place.
I SAY, TAKE HOLLY’S ADVICE, SHE NAILED IT.
PS i love you too 🙂
I think we are soul sisters Meleah. I was reading the post and it was like…Oh God – we are so alike. When I saw OCD the deal was clinched and I’m a LIbran too.
I just make a mental timetable and then take small steps. If you try to handle everything together it becomes out of control.
I’m learning too. Like my closet – it’ll become a mess then instead of cleaning section by section I’ll take everything out then it’s a mountain of clothes and I don’t know where to start. So now I try to do it a section at a time. Stupid example but I am trying to replicate that section by section theory to life as well.
By the way I do think you handle things with style and grace – so don’t put yourself down – exult in the good things about yourself!
PUT THE BAT DOWN TOO
make a list…. from most important to least important… You’ll figure it out from there. It’s up to you take the pressure away… you Don’t have to do it ALL – there is something you can do without and it’s okay to let it go.
xoxo
My oh my is that a tough on. What to give up. Well, think about what no longer sparks your passion anymore and let it go if it’s just become an empty ritual. You might feel like somethings missing but you can use that time to give more attention to areas that may need more of it. At the same time don’t close yourself off to to new things. It’s a hard balancing act for sure.
Just last week I saw something about the myth of supermom, and I wish I could recall the details–and women should stop pretending it. Now to the important part, the details, and right now I can’t recall any of them–probably cos I been partying all day. But the idea was we do what we can. With a partnership there needs to be more gender shifing, husband may do cooking, wife mow the lawn for example. But the idea of supermom, we created these impossible expectations, and then feel guilty that we either can’t do them all, or we want a little time for our ourselves, which there is no reason we should be denied, so long as the kids are fed, basically under control, and the house livable.
~Becky
My dear lady, congratulations you are human. Understand that you can’t do everything and the best way to deal with things is one at a time. You should never feel guilty about not being able to fit some things in because it is absolutely impossible to fit even 24 hours into a day where you also need to eat and sleep.
Rest is the word.
It is ok to multi-task and burn oneself out, if one knows when to rest.
I believe I have OCD in “pushing myself and doing things” and don’t really know how to rest, so this week I’m going to take a week off, gone camping so limited budget involved, and use my OCD in finding bears 🙂
I guess you can evaluate your activities and start making some priorities and start scheduling or cutting out things you don’t need to do at the moment.
You can always pick it up later. Not sure what needs the most attention and what can wait. Only you can determine that.
Maybe you need a helper? A friend, a co-worker, a family member to help?
You surely have a lot and it’s understandable the stress that you’re going through and your nature of trying to balance things out.
Rolando
YOU guys have all been so HELPFUL!!
List making and prioritizing is KEY. So is REST. I will certainly TRY to ASK FOR HELP too. (that and being / doing GOOD ENOUGH are going to be HARD for me, since I am a control freak and perfectionist)
I feel so grateful to have so much support!
Thanks to every single one of you!!
From a fellow Libra who spends most of her days out of balance, if you get that crazed and start experiencing guilt for being a little more manic than necessary, acknowledge it(as you have) and then get right back on track. Easier said than done. I know, but try it.
Hey Meleah, just go with the flow, just do whatever you feel like. You’ll know if it’s not the right thing to do. Life is full of adventures 🙂
Don’t be so hard on yourself. You have a lot to deal with at the moment. Even I, the world’s most anal retentive, uber-organised Taurean, find it hard to strike a balance between work and play. I always find that resting is the key. When you’re fatigued it scatters your energies and makes it difficult to focus. Rest first and everything else will follow. Take care.
KALI: Much easier said than done, but I have to make changes ASAP this running all the time is beating me down!!
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NICK: Agreed!
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SELMA:I am very hard on myself, thats a BIG thing I need to work on! I am RESTING all day today.
I too swing from one extreme to another!!
I am all or nothing!!
I will go from overdoing to complete abandon of responsibility.
I have just enjoyed four days in the wine growing district of Margaret River, away from everything except my beautiful little family…
It has been a blissful long weekend of wining, dining, talking, laughing and exploring. I have gone for long exhilarating walks along coastal cliffs, through the forest alive with wildflowers, sitting on the pristine sands of a turquoise bay…
So, darling beleaguered one, there is my suggestion, of sorts…
Time spent deep in the beauty of Nature is balm for the soul, a glass of wine is deliciously therapeutic, and the company of those we love is sweet medicine indeed.
Love and kisses
xoxo