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An Obituary, The Late Mr. Common Sense

[this was an email from my mother people]


Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as: Knowing when to come in out of the rain; Why the early bird gets the worm; Life isn’t always fair; and Maybe it was my fault.Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don’t spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge).His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student — only worsened his condition.Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children. It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer first aid cream, sun lotion or a band-aid to a student; but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband; churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims. Common Sense took a beating when defending yourself from a burglar in your own home meant the burglar could sue you for assault.Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little on her arm, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement. Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason. He is survived by his 3 stepbrothers; I know MY Rights, Someone Else is to Blame, and I’m a Victim. Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. If you still remember him, pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing.

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  • A lot of these have more to it than what they sound like on the surface. Take The McDonald’s case where the woman split the coffee on her arm. I think it is the McDonald’s PR people that got a lot of the press to play the story off as some stupid person who spills coffee and now wants to get rich quick because of it. The actual case found that McDonalds was keeping their coffee at a much higher temperature than other fast-food restaurants. There reason? By keeping the temperature much hotter, they could keep the coffee longer than the competition and make more money for themselves. So the woman won not because she spilt hot coffee, but because McDonalds put the public at risk for their own selfish purposes. On top of this, they failed to warn the public of the very real added risk of drinking their coffee over the standard of most other restaurants.

    This is a good summary of the case: http://library.findlaw.com/1999/Nov/1/129862.html

    Several of the other “common sense” items are a bit deeper also.

  • Amen!

    So true its almost scary.

  • Meleah


  • Love this. I’m sending the link to my dad. 🙂

  • Can I hear an A.M.E.N.? I know someone already said that, but i needed to type it! OMG!!!! I MOURN COMMON SENSE DAILY

  • omfg!!! this is so it… this is exactly why i the hair on the back of my neck stood up when i read the first post on twisted sister about her sister,, and the use of the word retarded… remember??

    “i wanted to say that i am a conscientious objector in the politically correct arena,, i believe that it minimizes the amount of common sense people have the ability to employ,,, and if they are given all the answers,, they will never seek to help themselves,, and thus will have no decision making skills….. and i feel we are caught with our pants down in that arena anyway….”

    this world is so f’d up.. when i read stuff like this it just reinforces my reasons for staying all holed up in my own little world……

    great stuff mel!!!!!!!!!

  • Meleah

    Paisley: Thats EXACTLY why I am HOME, ALONE, AGAIN, on a FRIDAY night. The general public has lost their minds, and I don’t have the energy to beat the sense back into them. But, I may occasionally blurb about it. xxxxxxxxxxx

    Some Girl: and a HALLELUYIA! (no idea how to spell that word)

  • Meleah

    Wonder Woman: 🙂

  • I feel like shedding a tear in mourning.

  • Loz

    There is a school of thought in my country that in some areas we are 20 years behind you septics [I should explain that – rhyming slang for septic tanks or yanks]. And in this instance I am grateful for that, whilst the old PC gathers momentum, there is still a very healthy level of scepticism associated with much of what is said by those who have lost their common sense.

  • My 16-year-old nephew was suspended from school in the 1st grade for having a “banned” toy in his pocket. He wasn’t playing with it or causing any problems. He didn’t intend to bring it to school and didn’t know he had it until another child saw it and told the teacher. He’s a sweet, shy kid. Being booted from school put him in a negative spotlight and he hated being noticed at all. (He has gorgeous red hair; a fact he’s complained about since he was old enough to talk.) I was pointlessly furious. Common Sense certainly took a beating on that day.

    (It’s good to know being a recluse is coming into vogue. I can be cool for a month or two.)

  • I too am grieving the loss.
    Perhaps my tears will be like those of the Phoenix and enable him to be reborn…

    What a sad and disgraceful loss….

  • Jodi

    Awwww. so incredibly sad….What will those people do without him? I fear for the worst!

    This is too funny!

  • Dead? No, he still puts on a lounge show just outside of Vegas. On Tuesdays I think.

    So how do we bring back common sense? Offer a shot of it in Starbucks coffee? “Common sense day” at the race track?

  • I’m amazed he held on for as long as he did, but I have often wondered – like you do about those old childhood stars – whatever happened to him. Great post, Mereb. Very well written.

  • What a fantastic fantastic post….. I bowled over!!!!

  • Lis

    No wonder he doesn’t come round anymore.

  • Wow Meleah! Excellent post! I am speechless! and you are 100% correct, the world has gone to pot. I was actually going to write on this topic, but I don’t think I could put it any better than you have. Great job!

  • Ahhh…. he has become one with the Force.

  • yo momma

    hmmmmmm. just ‘cuz i’m in Maine doesn’t mean I don’t keep up …. now where did i hear this???? hmmmmmmmmm?

    yo momma

  • yo momma

    He’s definitely still alive and well here in Maine! Thank the good Lord!

  • Every once in a while I swear I see glimpses of him out the corner of my eye but when I take a good look he’s vanishes into thin air. In my eternally optimistic way I’ll hold tight to the hope that he’s haunting us from time to time and not entirely gone.

    Great write Meleah. I enjoyed the witty read.

  • Uh…yes. I should have included his obit in my post today. But I had no common sense. It was beat out of me at work.


    i absolutely love this post. love love love it.

  • Absolutely spot on!

    You never know though – perhaps he’s living on the far side of the moon with Elvis, Princess Di and Santa? If so perhaps he will pop back on vacation from time to time?

    There’s gotta be hope!

  • Wow. This is absolutely fabulous. You have described in a nutshell why I am sick and tired of teaching, and why I am nervous about continuing to send my son to public school.

    Something interesting–when I lived in Mexico I noticed that whenever people were doing work on sidewalks, there was no yellow tape. If you didn’t look where you were going, you were going to fall in. And if you fell in, then whose fault was that? Your own, for not looking where you were going. Sue? No way, people would laugh at you for falling in the hole in the first place, I’m sure.

    Going to go a’diggin…

  • Meleah….so well written and so needed at this time. I agree with Paisley, the world is so f’d up. We need to recognize the problems and become more aware of ourselves on a personal level if we are ever going to create a change. Great post!

  • Did you write that 100% solo because that was really witty! May have to clip it!

  • Meleah

    Goldy: Not. A. Single. Word. This was an email my mother sent me. I loved it so much I posted it. When I posted it, the TOP line said [email from my mother] somehow during my comments moderation, I must have hit something, and deleted that. Sorry for any confusion. I could never write something this brilliant.

  • Meleah

    Um, I am extremely embarrassed right now. I have been running around leaving comments on all of your blogs, but instead I want to make this CLEAR. Once and for all.

    When I posted this “Obituary” on Friday, THIS was at the very top of the post …….. [email from my mom]……..

    I don’t know how? or why? or what? I must have hit when I cleaning things out of this blog and some of the comments, but that sentence was somehow deleted from the top of that post.

    Since I decided to drop off the face of the earth for the entire weekend. I didn’t see any of the 27 comments left by you, UNTIL THIS MORNING. I had no idea that everyone has been running around the internet and giving me credit for something I DID NOT WRITE. I wish I did, but I am not that brilliant.

    I have NO IDEA who the real author is. It was just an email that my mother sent to me. I loved it so much, I posted it.

    Please accept my apologies for any misunderstanding. But I do not feel comfortable having people walking around thinking I wrote this.

    Now I will drop of the face of the internet and bury my head in the sand with shame until I am no longer humiliated by this experience.

  • Just the fact that you posted it is a great thing. Someone had to say it and bring it to the masses.

    For being the messenger, I thank you.

  • Pingback:   Dear Common Sense,  — Momma Mia, Mea Culpa()

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