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And It’s All Too Superficial

Okay it has been decided, the picture flickr photo strip thingy needs to be changed… Now onto a gamut new of “subject(s)”….well, it’s really just one subject, which takes a long time to get around to the point. (if there even is a point)

By the way, nothing in this particular post exactly flows, or even makes a whole lot of sense, sorry about that. I am just all over the place. So much so, that I have started maybe 15 different tasks, and completed… not. a. single. one.

Warning: If you are looking for something funny, witty, or smart, please try the other people in my blogroll, they are excellent.

I have so much to say, and, um, few words, in my vocabulary, to adequately describe, what I am feeling. (and, apparently, I like, commas. A lot.) I have at least 97 things in my head running around all loose inside my skull. These incomplete thoughts…pieces of sentences…floating around my cerebral cortex…are incoherent at best. I know if I could just get it all out of me and down on paper, I would feel so much better. But no.

Alas, this blog has become the superficial blog supreme. I say this blog has become a superficial for a couple of reasons:

1. I don’t write about any hard hitting topics like politics or religion. I know some of you guys do, and you guys do it well. But, I don’t write about them, well, because you guys do such a damn good job of it already. And in truth, I don’t write about that subject matter, because I am not a political or religious person. I don’t believe in any single religion. Fuck it, I don’t believe in any religion. Period. However, for some reason, I do believe in g-d. (even though we are not always in the best of terms). And, I can’t really talk about politics, because I am not on one side. I am not on any side really. There are some things I am very liberal about, and some things I am very conservative about. And, who the hell can keep up with all these “hopefuls”? I get all my political news from a whopping three places, DefectiveYeti, SmokeRingsAndCoffeeStains, and my Gramma: Everyone Needs A Little Evelyn. The last one may not be quite the best resource for information, but she sure is damn funny.

2. I no longer write as exposed as I used to, or as I would like to. I keep most things light and fluffy around here. Right on the surface. I leave a lot of things off of this blog. I don’t write about a lot of things I want to, or even things that I should write about, ever since I found out that there are people in my office who occasionally read this, and so do most of my family members. I’d hate for some of them to read some of the things I am really thinking sometimes. Besides, I have learned it is not always best to show the crazy that lives in my head. But I miss writing from my guts.

So that leaves me with, the daily nothings in my life. The superficial. I am not as crafty at making the everyday as comical as some of you other bloggers out here. I am left with flat posts about the weather, traffic, and haircuts. I can’t remember the last time I wrote something as funny as this. Or as thought provoking as this. (okay I was just kidding about the thought provoking one.) but, I feel like I haven’t written anything real … in months.

And these last few days, I haven’t been able to drum up, or write, or say, or think much of anything. not even the superficial. I don’t know if it is the change in weather, the heat and the humidity that’s making me drag ass, or what the hell else it is, but I have been practically paralyzed since Saturday.

Over the holiday weekend, I did nothing. And I mean nothing. I didn’t clean, or do laundry. I didn’t read a book, or write a sentence. I didn’t do any of the things I always imagine I’d do, if only I had the time to do them. And there it was, the elusive time I am always chasing. Right in front of me. Time. The time I am always complaining about not having. The time I am always looking for, needing and wanting. That time, to do anything.

And I did nothing.

I was invited to go to several places with wonderful things to do, and wonderful people as company. But I couldn’t go. Rather, I didn’t want to go. I just didn’t have the will to hold up my end of a conversation. All I could do and all I wanted to do, was take. a break. from everything, and everyone. To sit, on my sofa, staring, blankly. So, I did.

Now, I still am stuck in the “do nothing” mode.

I tried to watch TV or a good movie, but even those distractions couldn’t hold my interest for very long. It’s not that I am in a dark place. Or, even in a depressed place. I don’t feel guilty, or less of a person because I did nothing. I’m glad I did nothing. Sometimes I need to do nothing, in order to do all of the things I have to do on a daily basis.

But, I am in an empty place. Like I have nothing to offer, or give, or say. I’m tired of trying to make sense out of all the things that make no fucking sense at all. I’m tired of trying, to make, or find the funny, in the things that aren’t funny at all.

I’m sure (hopefully) by tomorrow I will feel better and post a huge disclaimer apologizing for being such a wet blanket today, but for now, I am crippled. I have nothing to say, or write, or give, or do, or be.

I hope to write something: funny, or thought provoking, or at least insightful, maybe even deep and meaningful once again, one day…, and one day soon, just not today…

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  • Hey…I know that empty place! I visit there once in awhile myself. Don’t you just hate it when you know there is a thousand things you should be doing, could be doing but just are not motivated into doing? Maybe it’s an All or Nothing syndrome! Who knows?

  • Meleah

    I think so! I am either superwoman and can tackle 85 things at once, or, I can do nothing! And a mean case of PMS isn’t helping

  • JENNIFER

    OK THEN.

  • Francisco

    Allright then!!

    Way too much info there Mel. I was going to say a witty remark but being that your hormones are raging all across the free land of ours I will rather stay quite in my little corner.

    Maybe I will wait until this PMS’ing goes through before I launch myself into the lion’s den. 🙂

    FV

  • I know exactly what you mean– it must be going around! What did Holly Golightly call it… “the mean reds”? It must be astrological, or at the very least, epidemic this week!

  • Harry

    Hey stranger dood!

    I wish I could live nearby you and be your buddy, although my GF would kill me for it!

    Hang in there chief you will get your composure back.

    Like your new blog site. From one color extreme to the other!

    Did you quit smoking yet? I am 8 months quit on June 05!

    Just dropping by to say hi!

    HI!

    Harry

    🙂

  • Meleah

    Lauren! : Welcome! I’m glad I am not alone in the MALAISE I am feeling. I am sure it’s just the weather, PMS, insomnia…. whathaveyou. I can only hope I will feel better in the AM.

    FV: well, fuck being superficial anymore that doesn’t work for me! (apparently)

    Jen: Glad you understand.

  • Meleah

    HARRY! :

    Oh My God! You are back! and alive! I have missed you! I was wondering if you had lost interest, or if the GF had cut off your internet supply!

    It’s so nice to hear from you. I’m sennding you an email… (within the next 24 hours) 🙂

  • Francisco V.

    of course it works Mel 🙂

  • Olly

    I CAN SO FUCKING RELATE TO THE DO NOTHING AND TALK TO NO ONE MODE. I HAVE BEEN THERE FOR A WHILE NOW. MAYBE TOMORROW I’LL PARTICIPATE IN THE HUMAN RACE,MEANTIME I CAN’T STAND ALL THE PHONEY PEOPLE I HAVE DEALT WITH FOR SO LONG AND THE BULLSHIT THAT COMES ALONG WITH THEM THAT I WOULD RATHER STAY HOME AND SLEEP THAN SOCIALIZE FOR NOW AND THAT IS JUST FINE WITH ME . YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!
    LOVE AND MISS YOU MUCHO BITCH.
    OLIVER HANS STRAUBE

  • Being yourself on a blog and writing what is in your head can be stressful. Everybody has crazy inside, but nobody wants to admit it. But they love pointing when it creeps out of someone else.

    I’m fortunate that I don’t have to answer to clients or customers or bosses or the rest of the hive. And the people close to me know that my blog is tame compared to the total bizarre freak I am in real life. I do have a couple of rules that I don’t cross, so some aspects of my life will never show up on my blog.

    But for normal people, letting go isn’t the best option. That is why many bloggers choose to stay anonymous. That could be an option for you. Start up a brand new blog and don’t tell ANYBODY. Not even your CLOSEST FRIEND.

    Ben Franklin used to say something like: Two people can keep a secret as long as one of them is dead. So don’t tell anyone (well maybe me). Create a safe spot out there where you can just say whatever. You won’t have to worry about effecting your working life. And you won’t have to worry about people’s feelings. Just get out there and have at it.

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