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Alone Time

I really enjoy my ‘Alone Time’ and quite frankly I don’t think I get enough of it.

Even before my vacation, and with all of the changes happening at work, I haven’t had one single day, or even one single hour to be ALONE. I am desperate to gather up these racing thoughts in my head and get them down on paper.

I think not being alone, and not having any time truly for myself has a lot to do with my attitude lately. I’ve been hostile and resentful for no apparent reason. I’ve been snappy and rude to my family and I don’t even know why.

Just today I was invited to yet another function, but I chose not to go. I feel a little bit guilty, because I haven’t seen my brother Adam, his wife Traci, or my nephew Mason in a rather long time. And, I would have liked to see them. But, I feel like I’ve been running around like a maniac for the last month. I needed to be still. And quiet. For a minuet.

Also, ever since I had to move back in with ‘The Parents’ it’s not too often than I find myself alone. There is always someone in the house. Not that I am complaining, because my family has the utmost respect for my need to privacy. However, the house feels different with everyone else’s energy stirring in the air. I guess I am still not used to being surrounded by so many people. All Of The Time. Sometimes I feel like I am suffocating. Maybe that’s why I’ve been so irritable?

I was seriously considering checking into a hotel, by myself, to be ALONE, simply to think, and write, with no interruptions. But, things have not come down to that. Yet.

Thankfully, today was the first day in as long as I can remember that I was finally alone. And it was awesome. (Even though it was way too short lived.) I lit all my candles, I shut down all of the phones, it poured rain, and the silence was ever so calming. It’s times like that when I feel like I can breathe again.

Of course I ruined half of my alone time because I kept looking out the window, waiting for my glorious moment to come to a screeching halt, when everyone returned home.

I am proud of myself for at least knowing and recognizing that I needed a day to take care of myself. And that’s just what I did.

I planned on spending today working on the book. Yet, somehow I began daydreaming about living in my old condo with access and usage of this bathroom. Because THAT would have made this day just about perfect.

Speaking of daydreaming about my condo. I find myself really ‘missing’ it. I spent a solid two hours today totally distracted thinking about the good times I used to have while living there.

Don’t get me wrong. I certainly do not miss the stress, and the bills. Lord knows with the cost of living rising to astronomical new heights every day, I’d probably be in a hospital with an IV drip by now, had ‘The Parents’ not stepped up and asked me to come home.

On the other hand, I really miss the little things about living ALONE. Little things, that don’t even sound significant. Like being able to walk around my house in my wife beater and boy shorts. I am not really comfortable rocking that outfit with my father, my son, and my 88 year old grandfather right next to me. Be that as it may, I’ve made up for the lack of beaters and boxers with the best pajamas in the world. It was the only compromise I could come up with.

I could go on and on about all of the things I miss about living in my condo, in fact I did that in my head. But, I think all of my reminiscing and the longing to live in my old condo, is really just the longing and the need to be alone again. I never realized how much I genuinely need my personal space. I think next weekend I might take myself up on my own offer to stay in a Hotel Room. ALONE.

Anyway….

How was my weekend?

Bitter. Sweet.

I had a fantastic 4th Of July. As most of you know, I had a blast when I attended my 1st ever Roof Top Party. I also had a great time on Saturday, when Tiffany, Rinaldi & I took the 3 boys to the movies. We saw Hancock. I thought it was great. It was no Iron Man, but Will Smith was very impressive. I am not going to do a movie review of Hancock, because I leave all movie reviews up to the true professionals, like this guy.

Unfortunately, my procrastination cost me dearly this weekend. You see, I was supposed watch Chelsea Handler perform. She is one of my all time favorite comedians to ever walk the face of the planet. Much to my dismay, by the time my lazy ass tried to buy tickets for her show in Atlantic City, she was all sold out. Not surprisingly as she really is totally super awesomeness. At least I own her book, which I plan on re-reading time and time again.

In keeping with the theme of this post – being that I am ALL OVER THE PLACE – on a completely unrelated note, I am so not ready to go back to work tomorrow. And I Really HATE that I no longer have the same internet access at my ‘new desk’. I cant view any blogs during the day anymore. 🙁

I think I have a case of ‘The Sunday Blues’. I am sitting here wishing I had just one more day. Or, one more week. Or forever… Off from work.

Oh well.

After not having nearly enough alone time to clear my head, the rain has stopped and my family is back home. I am going to end my weekend with surfing the net and a marathon of Comedy Central Stand Up. Nothing is a better distraction than laughter.

Here’s hoping all of you had a fun-filled long weekend!

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  • i know how you feel about your alone time. i’m the same way. i like it sometimes when my kid is not here..i need that SERENITY NOW moment.

    i have a friend that shares a house with her mom and she does the hotel thing. she goes there to relax.

    love the bathroom, that’s my 2nd favorite room in the house. the bigger the better. it is expensive trying to live, i need that IV drip myself, but with liquor.

    saw hancock too. it was okay. it got better toward the end. you liked that black suit now didn’t you? it was entertaining.

    it’s back to work, glad i have a job, but i want to stay home. i have the cleaning virus right now.

  • AAA screw it take another day off…:)))

  • Tiffany

    I can’t believe we “slept” on those Chelsea Handler tickets. How stupid are we?

  • Meleah

    Valerie:
    Well, that makes me feel better knowing someone else goes to a hotel room alone to get away and relax. Now I think I really AM going to do that.

    I used to LOVE when I had my old condo and my son would go to his fathers for the weekend. Those were MY “serenity now” moments. and I haven’t had THAT since January. The bathroom photo is from my old condo. The bathroom I have to use now? Um… I hate it!

    The Cleaning Virus is my FAVORITE virus. I used to do that every Sunday, all day Sunday’s like for 6-8 hours. Blasting iTunes, and inhaling bleach fumes. Those were the days!

    Robert:
    Yeah. I wish baby! I wish.
    and BY THE WAY….
    Welcome Back!
    We’ve missed you around here.

    Tiffany:
    I am still not OVER missing that.
    PS: My mom wore YOUR capri pants today

  • cmk

    Having alone time is the reward for the hubby working shifts. It is truly heaven when he works nights–NO ONE to bother me all night long! Nice.

  • all good things come to an end 🙁
    but at least you had fun!

  • Meleah

    CMK:
    Girl, you have the life I want. You get to sleep until whenever you want, and you get to bask in so much alone time? Damn. I am jealous.

    Dawn:
    Thats the truth.

  • A man and his wife were driving their RV across the country and were nearing a town spelled Kissimee. They noted the strange spelling and tried to figure how to pronounce it – KISS-a-me; kis-A-me; kis-a-ME. They grew more perplexed as they drove into the town.

    Since they were hungry, they pulled into a place to get something to eat. At the counter, the man said to the waitress:

    “My wife and I can’t seem to be able to figure out how to pronounce this place. Will you tell me where we are and say it very slowly so that I can understand.”

    The waitress looked at him and said: “Buuurrrgerrr Kiiiinnnng.”

    On a serious note, Meleah, it is true that after a vacation, people need time to be alone, just to calm the senses down. Plus you have been through a lot lately, like the new working environment you have had recently, that itself is really stressful.

    Take it easy Meleah. And yes laughing is the best medicine.

  • Meleah

    RMH:
    ha ha ha ha
    thanks for the laughs / joke.
    Thats just what I needed. You always know how to put a smile on my face.

    I think Ill be alright once I take a vacation For Myself By Myself.

  • im testing this to see if I NOW link to my blog

  • sweet i do!

  • Meleah

    Fanny!
    Yay! Im so proud of you. Your a blogging fool now baby!
    xxoo

  • We really do have a lot in common, I SO KNOW the alone thing….I live in the very same situation that you do, my son and I live with my mom and sister (my dad died). I NEED my alone time and when everyone goes someplace I often don’t go just so I can luxuriate in the feeling of an EMPTY HOUSE. The energy does change for sure. I hope that you and I can both have a place of our own again one of these days (months, years?)

    Work…ick. We really need to find a way to not have to do that anymore.

  • Hey Meleah, I know what you mean. I haven’t had an alone time in years.

  • Meleah

    Barbara:
    I know! I am always AMAZED at how much we have in common. Maybe we should go into business together so we dont have to do those day job things anymore!

    One day, I hope to be able to afford my own condo again, AND…with a man that I love.

    Nick:
    I am going CRAZY without my alone time. I dont know how you married with children do that all the time. I need my breaks. Thats for sure!

  • Yes, alone time can be rejuvenating. I don’t like that feeling after a long weekend either … it’s like a tease … then reality sets back in, lol.

  • Oh, I can so relate to the lack of alone time. And like you, I ruin the small amount of ‘alone’ time I get by constantly checking to see if the boys have returned home. If I could have a weekend to myself I would be in 7th heaven!

  • LOL Blasting iTunes, and inhaling bleach fumes. LOL i need a few more days off. i’m so not done.

    yes i was mixing a bleach spray and comet while scrubbing like mad. i didn’t care. lol the fumes were not bad at all.

  • Meleah

    Drowsey:
    I am not even close to ready to go back to work. I feel like I just started to wind down.
    Reality blows!

    Selma:
    Alone time is so very necessary.
    And I havent had enough.

    Valerie:
    He he he he.
    Is there really any other way to clean?
    🙂

  • CBG

    I tried my best to get those tickets however They where gone by the time you mentioned it. As far as your condo and how much you miss living alone. I can relate . I’ve know you for a long time and thats pretty much the way you always lived SOLO.(Except for the me and the occational ravers sleeping on your couches or any open floor space) And no one else knows how much you need you Alone time than me. But good things will come I feel it ..Its time to do something about it. ; -)

  • this post certainly makes me grateful for all the time ii do have to myself… i had forgotten about the anguish i used to feel when i had NO time completely to myself…..

  • Meleah

    CGB:
    I really miss “SOLO” living. Even with the ravers sleeping on my sofa. I’ve lived alone since I was 18 years old. and even though I love my parents more than a normal person, I really miss my own space.

    paisley:
    You are so very lucky. Bask in that aloneness.

  • Jay

    I really do hear you on the ‘alone time’. It’s what drove me nearly insane when my dear husband decided to retire early after some health problems. Yikes – when would I ever be alone again?? He even began coming with me on my sanity-saving dog walks! I was ready to kill him, until he got a hobby.

    BTW, RealMotherHen, I’ve actually been to Kissimmee. IIRC, it’s pronounced ‘KisSIMmee’ LOL!

  • I’m still sad about the tickets. That was a huge downer…and I thought when Tiff made the call Friday night that a miracle was going to happen (you know Fanny..she pulls off miricals sometimes! :))

    We’ll have to see her when she’s back in town again.

  • Meleah

    Jay:
    I really dont know if I could live with another human being full time. I am having a hard time with 5 people on top of me. I miss living SOLO.
    PS: RMH is one of the best blog pals a girl can ask for.

    Rinaldi:
    I know dood. Me Too. I was hoping for a Tiffany “miarcle”.
    🙁

    At least we had some great laughs looking through your old photo albums. You and Tiffany look so funny, rocking the big hair and sporting TimberLand gear. Oh, and the photos of a Certain Bald Guy from highschool with a semi-mullet are still killing me!!!

  • What IS alone time? I hear you completely. But funny thing is… we need to be connected. Cell, laptop…. When we don’t have them, we feel lost. So whats the happy medium?

    Hey I’m coming with Tiff, Jen and you next year on the 4th!

    Oh, and I’m off today.

  • Meleah – after reading this you gave me some things to think about in regards to the “other side” of how I’m feeling. I’ve been so sad about being alone…when I see you craving some alone time. It made me think hard!

    Hopefully soon I can come to a good place with being alone for a while since we don’t get to be alone in our lives for too often if we find the right person that we always seem to crave. So, I need to embrace it and enjoy (in time…I will). I think when I get a new place that I build up on my own and it’s MINE ONLY I will feel comfortable there and start to enjoy it. Here I’m just living in the shadows…

    So, my friend, thanks for a view of the other side of my “alone” issues. 🙂

  • Ummm…yeah…I think the publick needs to see some of those pics of CertainBaldGuy posted somewhere! LOL! I know you will come up with something funny for them! LOL

    CBG – sorry!! LOL!! I couldn’t help but show them D.G. Circa 1990-1991 🙂

  • Meleah

    Breathe:
    I am quite jealous of your alone situation. I would love to have just a weekend like that. For real. You need to learn how to EMBRASE being alone. It’s wonderful. Being able to do what you want, when you want, how you want, is totally liberating. Im glad I gave you a new perspective on the concept of being alone.

    Remember, there is a difference between LONLEY and ALONE.

    Oscar:
    The more the merrier!

    Rinaldi:
    ha ha ha
    He’d kill me if I posted those!!

  • Hi Meleah!

    Hey, when you’re a single, working Mother, and in light of your current living situation, you take whatever alone time you can get. Good for you for taking at least a few moments. And for your book, try to schedule time in to do a little writing every day. I KNOW it’s hard. I’m trying to do that too. Even if you just sit there staring at the walls and only write one sentence…stick to it! Little by little it will get done!

    Take care!
    XO
    RC

    BTW, I HATE being at work too! BLAHHHH!

  • Lee

    Sounds like you had a mostly good weekend. I know exactly what you mean about alone time. I had some of that this weekend in the camper out at the lake. I had time to read, wrote a couple of posts for my blog. I also rented a couple of DVDs and got caught up on movies I missed.

    Maybe I shouldn’t have told you all that. Now you’re going to get the blues again. 😀

  • Sigh…I long for alone time. A lot.

  • Oh man….I MUST have my alone time! I get to be a very grouchy bra’wd without it! There are just too many distractions all the live long day…and if I can’t be alone to regroup & feel like I’m gonna BUST! 🙂 For me….long long walks listening to my favorite music HELPS A LOT!
    xoxo

  • Meleah

    RC:
    Woman I love you. Thats great advice. I wish we didn’t need these pesky day jobs to get in the way of our real lives. Yanno?

    Lee:
    Im so doing that next weekend. ALONE. That’s all I want to do. To be in a hotel room to sleep, write, think, listen to music – what have you, on my terms, my way. With no people to deal with.

    Momo:
    I bet you do. I dont know how you do it all day!

    OlgaTTB:
    I am super cranky crabby grouchy since I haven’t had any real ALONE time since JANUARY. I am just about ready to implode.

  • wait…what is this thing you call “alone time”????? Is it truly possible?? Do you buy it? Do you make it outta’ pocket lint, a paper clip, and some leaftover twine?? Please, tell me how to get some of this elusive “alone time”….

    Alone time for me is using the toilet to pee…in peace. Thats it. Pee Time. My life sounds really sad right about now.

  • leaftover—->left over. I’m such a dumb ass. I’m giving myself a time-out for Crimes Against Spelling.

  • Meleah

    Somegirl:
    Crimes Against Spelling?
    That’s what 99.9% of my entire posts are filled with.

    Yes, I do believe we must BUY the elusive ALONE TIME I speak of. I paid 1850 a month for it when I lived in my condo, and now I am going to be paying 125 a night at the good old Raddison Hotel.

    Pee time = Alone time?

    I Feel Your Pain,

    I haven’t had it that bad since JCH was a baby.

    xxoo

  • As an only child, I am the first to tout the wonders of alone time. Its an absolute necessity for my peace of mind, so I can pretty much assure you that your crankiness is a direct result of the lack of it.

    I’m all for the hotel idea. Seriously. I would budget in a couple of those days a month.

  • alone time is crucial for all of us. I’ve been demanding it lately. I’ll admit I feel a tad guilty, but being able to fully tune into what’s happening around me after I’ve had my alone time makes up for everything. You truly have more to give if you get your needs taken care of first. Peace of mind comes with some quietness.

    Get u yours girl!

  • I get very, very cranky when I do not have my alone time.

  • Meleah

    HollyGL:
    THANK YOU for fully understanding where I am coming from. Even now that I am working in a new dept even my cubical is smaller and I am surrounded by MORE people. Everywhere I go, there are more and more people. I feel stifled. I need to make a grand escape and right quick!

    Heather:
    Oh I plan to GET MINE! I have to. I keep snapping at everyone.

    Ingrid:
    ME TOO. Ive been a complete bitch!

  • Ahhh, meleah. I feel for you girl. Seriously. If I could give you a hug, I would. How do you do a cyber hug? Like this? ((((heart))))) If you can’t take a rainy day with candles for yourself now and again, then the writing’s not going to come. I know that part. This vacation is really making me think about making a schedule for myself so that I will write. Not blog. Difference, sadly. But how does one write for an hour a day? You know, right? And do you feel famous because I’m writing this to you from my last night in Sorrento? You should. You’re the first person I visited…

  • OK I’m glad I’m not the only person who needs to have personal spoace and skipped out on a gathering because they wanted to be left alone. I did the same. And is it me or is work becoming more of a road block than a help in our lives? It feels that way as of late.

  • Meleah

    Kellypea:
    And do you feel famous because I’m writing this to you from my last night in Sorrento? You should. You’re the first person I visited…”

    Yes! Now I do feel famous. And lucky. And smart!
    xxoo xxoo

    See….The real writing is half past IMPOSSIBLE with a JOB, a KID ad TWO blogs that need daily updates…and that whole job transfer didnt help matters.

    And…I am still waiting to reap the benefits of “living at home.”

    (sigh)

    LOVE YOU WOMAN. Like Alot.

    THANK YOU

    Ricardo:
    work= ruining anything and everything in my REAL life.
    xxoo

    Hang in there!

    Deal?

  • I never thought I’d like living alone and already I love it. Sure its sometimes lonely, but my friends live nearby so I can walk around in boy shorts and a wife beater whenever I want. I’m not trying to rub it in, I’m saying that I fully support alone time. 🙂

    Have you read Chelesea Handler’s first book? Its halarious…all about the one night stands she’s had.

  • Meleah

    CourtneyRyan369:
    Oh! Man! I wish I was in my 20’s and living ALONE again.
    Oh well, such is life.

    Im so happy for you. Live it up girl. Take full advantage of living free.

    Im am thrilled that you are able to enjoy the boxers and beaters sitaution.

    🙂

    Good Times.

  • Dearest Meleah, sometimes being alone can be bliss. But trust me, sometimes it can be hell! I’d give anything to have people in the house… sometimes just having people around you provides comfort.

    I know what you mean about needing “quiet time”, time to get your head together, time to release your anger, time to cry a little, time to reflect. However, sometimes it is nice to chat to somebody, laugh with somebody, share stories with somebody, offload to somebody…. I think ya can probably tell that I am on the other side of the fence and live on my own in a very quiet house…lol

    Big warm hugs to you my friend xxoo

  • I’m behind on reading everybody’s sites, and for that I apologize! I’m trying my darndest to keep up, though…

    As for this: “Oh! Man! I wish I was in my 20’s and living ALONE again.
    Oh well, such is life.”
    I’m in my 20’s and wishing I was living alone…four guys in one house is starting to get….well, dirty, if I had to sum it all up. That, combined with $500 utility bills, is really starting to wear this Rev a bit thin.

    I know exactly how you feel about going back to work- After a week at the beach for the Fourth, I’m having just a tad bit of difficulty getting back into the grind. Why can’t a work week be, oh….three days long, perhaps? We’d all be much, much happier, I’m sure of it. Drafting a letter to my congressional representative as we speak (Lord knows they’d support it!).

    Hope you’re well
    -The Rev.

  • Meleah

    Graham:
    I remember when I did live alone sometimes I really missed being with people. But, not that I am surrounded, I just want to be alone.
    Grass Is Always Greener!

    Rev:
    WELCOME BACK DOOD!
    Work should only be 3 days a week.
    Thats the best idea ever.
    And I have NO IDEA how you live like that with all that noise all the time.
    Yikes.

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