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Advice from a High School Friend

I was cleaning out my old emails, and found this HYSTERICAL story from a highschool girlfriend of mine, had to post:

Hello all! The b*tch is back in the states after a fabulous three week
vacation in Bali. Had a wonderful, relaxing time and wanted to share a few
‘nugs’ of wisdom I gained along the way:

1. Chances are the first time you vacation abroad in 14 years will be the
exact moment that malaysian militant jihadists decide to blow up the island
you’re staying on. I perfer to call this ‘Mo Gi luck.’

2. Just because the converter plug you bought allows you to plug in your
curling iron does NOT mean it converts the electrical current down to 110
watts. (Zoray, I apologize for the smoldering electrical plastic mess I
left in the trash can outside my room.)

3. Monkeys are smart and mean. When entering monkey forest, do not look
directly at monkeys – glance at them from the side. Do not smile at monkeys
– they see this as a sign of agression. Monkeys like shiney sparkley
objects such as cameras and sunglasses, and will use complex strategy based
maneuvers to secure said objects from unsuspecting tourists – especially
when said tourists are looking directly at them and smiling. It is
perfectly ok to wimp out and just drive by monkey forest rather than
entering their domain if you’re unable to remember the above info like me.

4. If looking for a splashy way to “off one’s self,” may I suggest ‘Death
by Monkey Forest.’ This involves a carmen miranda headdress, a josephine
baker skirt, a shiny sparkley metalic dress and a lot of direct staring and
smiling. See point 3 if unclear on this.

5. NEVER gamble or bet with Gede’s uncle jack. You just cannot possibly
win – luck of the irish or not.

6. Always remember to put sunscreen on your feet. I cannot stress this

7. 5 year old girls named Putu have much better taste in music that 90% of
the americans I’ve run into.

8. Besides boyfriend’s sisters, Aussies make the best drinking buddies.
Canadians are pretty cool too. Avoid Danes at all costs. They cannot hold
their liquer and inevitably go annoyingly ‘viking’ by nights end.

9. Go to Kintamanti! It’s the best river fish you’ll ever have at Volcano
Breeze Cafe and there are ZERO mosquitos up there…

10. No joke, jetlag really IS worse going east to west.

So, if in Bali, definately hit Ubud. And if in Ubud, for a good time call
Zoray, Gede and baby Cempaka. It was an amazing island made made all the
more amazing by truly amazing hosts.

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