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Out Of Ideas.

I am out of ideas on how to meet new people. And when I say meet “new people” I mean: single, available, smart, funny, stable, gainfully employed men.

Ones that meet my standards. (That’s the tricky part.)

Short of wearing a sandwich board with painted on letters “I Am Ready. Willing. And Able…walking into a crowded public arena, ringing a cow bell, and asking aloud if there are, “Any Takers?” I haven’t a clue how to attract the type of man I am looking for.

Alas, I have decided to take advantage of feeling better and go out this weekend. I am going to try to find ‘The Place’ where smart, funny, stable, gainfully employed single people go. In order to find the other smart, funny, stable gainfully employed single people.

Can anyone tell me where that place is? I seem to have lost the directions. If you have any ideas, OTHER than the bar scene, please let me know…because while my sandwich board and bell may turn some heads in my direction, I’m not sure I want that kind of attention.

 

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This entry was written by Meleah and posted on September 7, 2007 at 4:00 am and filed under Dating, MeleVision. Bookmark the permalink. Follow any comments here with the RSS feed for this post. Both comments and trackbacks are currently closed.

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  • Loz

    I was gonna leave just one word "Australia" but domestic minx beat me to it ;)



    LOZ: You and Minx may be ON TO SOMETHING. I wonder if there are ANY AUSTRALIAN men in NJ ??

  • OMG. I go away to work for two days and you have a bunch of people you don't know telling you how to a) live your life and b) to read about crocks of shit like the "law of attraction" featured in such tripe as "the Secret"??? I'm sure people mean well, but I'm floored. You have my number, BFF IRL. You can call anytime. I will call you tomorrow. xoxo


    LESLIE: See what happens when you aren't around!

  • A better source for basic info on the Law of Attraction is your friendly neighborhood WikiPedia: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Law_of_Attraction


    I love my soul-less existence. Every moment of it. The beautiful parts. The terrifying parts. It's all good. I love to be able to tell people I love them. And I love to be able to tell people to go fuck themselves.


    The only time I ever get tired is when I'm extremely busy doing stuff, and not just thinking about doing something, actually participating in the world and making what I want come true by taking action.


    I do have to admit that when I was young I would sometimes stare at the back of women's heads and try to will them to have sex with me. Of course it never worked. So I would have to go up to them and ask them if they wanted to fuck. That actually worked quite a bit more than the willing thing.


    No matter how bad things get or might get, I know I'll manage through it or die trying because I effect my life directly and not make my challenges anyone else's issue but mine.


    The platitudes and clichés are reason enough to avoid the "Personal Development" "Self-help" cesspool. The gurus steal their mantras from real writers and thinkers and all their zealots repeat them verbatim never really understanding the banal diuretic tripe spewing from their blow holes. But don't take my word for it, read their literature and read their zealots comments. It's like they share a brain.


    GREG: I just peeed in my pants. I LOVE YOU. I fucking LOVE YOU. That was MY FAVORITE comment EVER.
  • Regarding the whole spirituality thing...I tried Christianity as a pre-teen - I mean, I gave it a shot (at that age, we want to be a part of something) but it seemed a bit rigid and hypocritical. Then there were all those scary evangelists on TV... I went from giving it a shot to being agnostic and more linear in my thinking.

    However, I have met people with deep faith and they aren't bludgeoning others about it and well, I have seen them be generous and forgiving. It gives their lives so much meaning. I have always want to have their faith and it's only recently that I have become more spiritual and the knowledge that we are all one...it does give life meaning.

    I believe that becoming spiritual, having spirituality in your life, enhances life. I've come across this in books I hadn't expected with regards to improving your life. One book was about how to manage a business and the author described how he successfully started a business, had it run into problems, how he had some type of meltdown and as he became more spiritual (generally what happens when people go through a crisis) he not only recovered his business but he made it more successful than ever because of how he began to treat his employees.

    I have resisted spirituality for a long time. I don't follow any particular religion. If you're seeking a way, you will find it.

    When it comes to being alone when I opened myself up to wanting a relationship (all the defense mechanisms about not wanting a relationship were in play) I ended up feeling very alone - I felt that I would end up being alone forever. This was not a fun time. Part of me wanted to get back into my "I don't need anyone" mindset.

    I meditated and learned more about the LoA and during one of my meditations my answer came to me: when I am ready, the right man will show up.

    Hmmmm. That really eased all this anxiety I was feeling and it allowed me to focus on the LoA instead of just feeling sad and lonely.

    THAT's when I realized that part of me didn't think I deserved some fantastic guy, I have decent self-esteem but I wasn't totally accepting myself. I've been much calmer and really feeling like the right guy will show up when I'm ready.

    INTERESTINGLY this guy emailed me (today!) and he has a lot of what I am looking for: loves what he does (working with disadvantage teens), he hopes to make a small but positive difference it the world and he coaches kids. Positive view and big-big smile. Close to my age (43!! not 53!!) and uh, very buff. I've lately been having all these signs that my intentions are working (this is my 2nd email in a week and I had zippo for a month).

    Not sure if I'll contact this guy. I'll actually have to subscribe to respond! I figure I'll sleep on it and see what answer comes up.

    The thing is that now, I don't feel any rush.

    Speaking of sarcasm: I used to be really-really sarcastic. A side-effect of being more accepting of others is that I have a hard time being sarcastic. This used to be my favorite form of communication! Now when I'm around bitter and sarcastic and negative people, I end up feeling tired.

    A great place to start learning about the Law of Attraction is StevePavlina.com. There's a link to him in my blog as well. He's like THE GUY when it comes to Personal Development in the world o' blogs.
  • Australian men are nice.
    Join me over here and I'll help you in your campaign!!

    Stay away from the bars, darling...that's the only advice I can offer!!
    Or do go to the bars, it's up to you, but all you'll find there is a little hanky panky and a lot of wanky wanky.
    We all know what lurks at the bar...!

    Yes, I'm all for a girls get together!!
    I'm sure together we can create some magic to attract The Perfect Man!!

    xox
  • Meleah

    BFF I meant "Apparently".... as in:


    –adjective:


    1. readily seen; exposed to sight; open to view; visible: The crack in the wall was readily apparent.

    2. capable of being easily perceived or understood; plain or clear; obvious: The solution to the problem was apparent to all.


    3. according to appearances, initial evidence, incomplete results, etc.; ostensible rather than actual: He was the apparent winner of the election.


    4. entitled to a right of inheritance by birth, indefeasible except by one's death before that of the ancestor, to an inherited throne, title, or other estate.


    Compare heir apparent, heir presumptive.


    —Related forms

    ap·par·ent·ly, adverb


    ap·par·ent·ness, noun


    —Synonyms

    1. discernible.


    2. open, conspicuous, manifest, unmistakable. Apparent, evident, obvious, patent all refer to something easily perceived. Apparent applies to that which can readily be seen or perceived: an apparent effort. Evident applies to that which facts or circumstances make plain: His innocence was evident. Obvious applies to that which is unquestionable, because of being completely manifest or noticeable: an obvious change of method. Patent, a more formal word, applies to that which is open to view or understanding by all: a patent error.


    —Antonyms 2. concealed, obscure.

    ap·par·ent (ə-pār'ənt, ə-pâr'-)


    1. Readily seen; visible.

    2. Readily understood; clear or obvious.


    3. Appearing as such but not necessarily so; seeming: an apparent advantage.


    [Middle English, from Old French aparant, present participle of aparoir, to appear; see appear.]


    ap·par'ent·ly adv., ap·par'ent·ness n.


    Synonyms: These adjectives mean readily seen, perceived, or understood: angry for no apparent reason; a clear danger; clear-cut evidence of tampering; distinct fingerprints; evident hostility; manifest pleasure; obvious errors; patent advantages; making my meaning plain.


    Usage Note: Used before a noun, apparent means "seeming": For all his apparent wealth, Pat had no money to pay the rent. Used after a form of the verb be, however, apparent can mean either "seeming" (as in His virtues are only apparent) or "obvious" (as in The effects of the drought are apparent to anyone who sees the parched fields). One should take care that the intended meaning is clear from the context.


    apparently


    adverb

    1. from appearances alone; "irrigation often produces bumper crops from apparently desert land"; "the child is seemingly healthy but the doctor is concerned"; "had been ostensibly frank as to his purpose while really concealing it"-Thomas Hardy; "on the face of it the problem seems minor"


    2. unmistakably ('plain' is often used informally for 'plainly'); "the answer is obviously wrong"; "she was in bed and evidently in great pain"; "he was manifestly too important to leave off the guest list"; "it is all patently nonsense"; "she has apparently been living here for some time"; "I thought he owned the property, but apparently not"; "You are plainly wrong"; "he is plain stubborn" [syn: obviously]


    apˈparently adverb

    it seems that; I hear that


    Example: Apparently he is not feeling well.

  • The best friend

    APPEARANTLY.

  • Meleah

    Apparently.

  • Subscriptions are expensive. And you just invited every wack-job with a soapbox to come over and save your soul.
  • Meleah

    MsQ:


    "Self-acceptance " is missing from my vocabulary. (and thought process) When I look at myself all I see are my shortcomings / flaws / and I have waaaay tooooooo much negative thinking. THIS is the first time I am even REALIZING that what I think of me, is what I am putting out there..."into the universe" ... this all too powerful and shocking.


    I think I am going to have to get a library card and pick up some of these names you keep tossing at me. I clearly have a LOT to learn. Whats good? I think I am READY and WANT to learn. Im sick of feeling and living the way I have been. Obviously the only one who can change all of this IS ME.


    I need to come to terms with who I am.



    ------------


    RICARDO: You know EXACTLY what I am saying. xxoo

    ------------


    DERICK:


    "do you think there will be a place when you have sabotaged the idea in your own mind already".... I am beginning to SEE that my OWN negative thinking makes more BAD things go my way. Instead of embracing the idea I am already focused on all the ways IT CANT happen, rather than all the ways IT CAN HAPPEN.


    -------------


    GREG: A.K.A. The King Of Sarcasm.


    "getting a really tight t-shirt that says “I put out for smart, funny, stable gainfully employed men” ? Maybe on the back it could say “Lie to me and I’ll cut your balls off.” Made me laugh for the first time ALL DAY.


    "instead of reading “The Secret” and discovering that you can just wish for stuff, maybe just save your money and write Santa instead" JUST AS FUNNY.


    I have never subscribed to anything religious OR spiritual ... EVER.


    Maybe ? Thats what is so lacking in my life, and is effecting my thinking and the subsequent outcome of my personal and life's events?


    "It really blows being alone. " .... YES. It REALLY REALLY REALLY does.

    ------------


    RANDOM/ AMBER: Woman! I might just take you up on that INVITE!! (We need to get Minks, HollyGL , Dawn, Paisley, KellyPea, and all of our other favorite women too. I would LOVE an all powerful women blogger weekend together .... )


    OH....and I never "mind" being tagged by YOU. xxoo :)

  • Oh, yeah, btw: I don't leave a comment on this blog EVERY day. That's exaggerating a bit. And I'm really not that short in person.
  • hello again,
    a good place to start and the easiest is with your words that you use---words have a energy all by themselves--if they did not there would not be HATE SPEECH---the words that you use are the thoughts that you you think and the actions that you follow through with.
    you say that you like the idea of a masked party BUT you DON'T have a place to HOST it. do you think there will be a place when you have sabotaged the idea in your own mind already---you have a great blog and communicate with great people---so where are the great people in your own physical universe---it is not a question of not being able to accomplish it , you can do it,
    it is a matter of doing it in the physical realm with the people around you.
    being at peace with oneself does not come easy, but going on the road less travelled, although it seems harder and is filled with challengers, is definitely the most rewarding. start small and think big and always push the envelope on self, while never forgetting that one has to be gentle with oneself and Rome was not built in one day.
    it is great to read books and get the knowledge which has always been apart of us, but the real secret is how one assimilates the information into one's life.
    enjoy the day
    thanks
    derick
  • Don't hate me but I tagged you with the Nonsense Story meme - it's fun promise!
  • Come visit me in Dubai :)
  • Hi! My name is Greg and I really like your blog. Especially the post about the Fucktards. Have you considered getting a really tight t-shirt that says "I put out for smart, funny, stable gainfully employed men" ? Maybe on the back it could say "Lie to me and I'll cut your balls off."

    I might offend a few people—but fortunately I don't care about that so much—but instead of reading "The Secret" and discovering that you can just wish for stuff, maybe just save your money and write Santa instead. It has the same effect.

    It really blows being alone. The good news is that you're not alone. Yeah that’s a nice sentiment and doesn’t help. Nobody can give you an answer, and that sucks. You can either settle or try to be patient for what you want.

    Lots of people gave decent advice—well some gave shitty advice, but oh well—some gave decent advice. Stay out of bars unless you just want to drink. Meet people. Take care of yourself. Try to get through the day. Have some fun. Have more fun. Maybe you'll meet someone. I don't know. That kind of sucks that I don't know because you're swell. Golly, you're swell (that's all the geek talk I know).

    Have fun with life. Make the best of it. Thanks for always having something to say.
  • Yeah I think many of us are in dire need of the right warm body. MsQ is famous.
  • derick has a lot of wisdom. Self-acceptance and the knowledge that we (you, me, the intimidating guy at the gym) are all the same are all things that lead towards being at peace. I wish I could write that finding peace were easy but I don't think it is.

    Letting go of judging (something is bad, something is good), releasing attachment to the outcome are all part of the 7 Spiritual Laws as described by Deepak Chopra. Yeah, I keep tossing out names at you.

    I find detachment of outcome and non-judging to be so difficult but I keep working on them. Why? They create so much stress in my life! I notice that the less I judge, the more at peace I am with people. Of course I need to work more on the self-love so I am not so critical of myself!

    It's amazing how little we all know ourselves. We're told that "To our own self be true" but who is our true self? I wrote about "being mystified" in an earlier comment. John Bradshaw also talks about how mystified is being in a trance. When we're in a trance we're not aware, we're not PRESENT.

    An example would be you're at the bookstore buying, "The Secret" and some man you find attractive sees it in your hand and makes some innocuous comment like, "Oh, I've heard so much about that...is it positive thinking repackaged?"

    And you reply, "You probably think I'm an idiot for buying this, like I can't handle my life, that I'm hoping for a magic wand..."

    If you responded that like you went into a trance...you weren't present for his actual question, you went back to some old state and were having a conversation with someone from the past! Freaky!

    I know, getting waaaay off topic here.

    With regard to the masked party - Halloween is coming up and I like the idea! I bet you could use the Law Of Attraction to create the party. Seriously. Someone would have a venue and people would flood to bring all sorts of great food for people with food sensitivities. You will be flooded with ideas of how to get it going, you wouldn't even be thinking of dates because you KNEW love was on its way. You'd be too busy planning the party.
  • Meleah
    Derick; I think I have caused a little roar! I like that masked diner thing, but I dont have anywhere to HOST that sort of party.

    Your comment DID hit me like a ton of bricks. It was EYE OPENING and JAW DROPPING. I have no idea HOW to " to be at peace and one with ourselves." ... I took everyone's advice and bought the book THE SECRET today. So, Ill be spending my evening READING THAT. Im sure that will provoke a post or two about some of my own self revelations.

    I will most certainly drop by your blog. .... THANKS for dropping by mine....and for leaving such a powerful comment.
  • hello,
    it seems that you have really stirred up the pot with this one--there is no doubt that it can happen, it is how you are going to make it happen
    you could always have a masked dinner and once the evening wears on the masks come off, with each guest revealing something personal etc...

    on the comment i made which 'hit you like a ton of bricks'--- i have come to realise that as much as all of us are so different and want to perpetuate the difference. and make ourselves shine in our own individuality, we are in essence all the same. we all have different problems, situations , but in essence again it is all alike.
    to be able to move forward not just on the relationship front,we all seek companionship and a lot more, we have to be at peace and one with ourselves.
    we should be able to keep all the memories good and bad and drop the emotional content. i know it is easier said than done---know thyself and the rest will take care of itself. all is in the processes.
    i would l enjoy your perspective on what i write--come visit sometime
    thanks derick
  • Meleah

    RICARDO: You know what its like. Being alone, and IT IS HARD to find someone GOOD. I dont want just a warm body. I want the RIGHT warm body. MsQ is totally famous.

    -----


    GEEDOS: Base Jumping MY ASS!! But you are right. I just need to get out more, maybe be more active in society in general, then maybe someone will come into my life.

    -----


    BFF: OKAY. (Brooke is the bomb diggity)

    -----


    ROLANDO: Exactly.

    -----


    FV: Im going to three of those places TODAY as a matter of fact!

    -----


    HOLLY: Dood, If we LIVED closer together WE'D BE DOING THAT TOGETHER. (and laughing our asses off) None of my girlfriends would do THAT with me. I dont even know where I would look for "speed dating'....Oh well. Thank you for the support and for reminding me that I AM LOVEABLE. (sometimes I just need to hear that.)

    -----


    DEVIN: SEE! YOU know EXACTLY what I mean. (Men in the gym INTIMIDATE me). I work in the INSURANCE field with BORING co workers or they are already MARRIED which leaved me limited (to NO) options. Most of my girlfriends are in serious relationships so I dont even have anyone to drag around with me. Sometimes it seems like I am NEVER going to find someone.... BUT a good start is LEAVING MY HOUSE!!

  • I have been searching for that place to find girls as well. I just recently started at my local gym but the girls there are beyond intimidating so its tough. Most people meet their spouse at or through work. However, I teach so I don't have many options other than the 90 year old teacher next door or my little jailbait buddies. Just know you are not alone. Its hard sometimes.
  • The best friend
    i cant take Brookestone.
  • The best friend
    go for a fucking walk.
    just go outside.

    for a walk .
    in YOUR OWN nieghborhood..

    Your looking for someone close by...it saves gas.
    yeah, GO OUTSIDE AT LEAST 3 TIMES A WEEK .
    TAKE A WALK.
  • fv
    Open air concerts, drive in movies, BnN's, Freehold raceway mall, Princeton Marketfair, Quakerbridge mall, the gym ;)
    An ice cream parlor, Downtown princeton, downtown Hamilton Twp. aka "near the gym". A golf range. A golf course aka the clubhouse.


    FV

    Anywhere else?
  • Good point Meleah! You can't win the lottery if you don't play. :)
  • Just give up! The old adage is true - you're not gonna meet the right person when you're looking for them.

    What does this mean? Well, stop actively looking for men or thinking of places you can meet someone. Hell, I'm a man so I shouldn't be saying this, but we're not the be all and end all in life - not by any stretch of the imagination.

    This doesn't however mean sitting at home sobbing on the couch and watching the telly all the time - instead you can concentrate on enjoying yourself to the max with your friends and family, and really living your life.

    Go out with them for meals, for drinks, for entertainment, for things you've always wanted to do but never got around to - really push the envelope - explore new places and try new things - and most importantly have a shed load of fun doing it.

    Indulge yourself in you and in the people around you, and all of a sudden one day, you'll look up and staring right back at you will be your guy. And what's more, because you'll be happy with you and your life and with what your doing, that'll make it a hundred times easier for him to be happy with you, and for you to be happy with him.

    Don't stress - just live life to the full (try BASE Jumping - hee hee!!) and he'll come along and find you - you don't need to go looking. Promise.
  • Okay, I'm going to toss this one out there... Speed dating. I know, I know, but just hear me out. You corral a friend into going with you, and just have fun! Your time with the guy is very limited, so if he ain't the one, no harm, no foul - DONE! If you're interested, (I think) you leave your contact info for him with one of the organizers, and he feels the same way, he'll do the same. ...and you go from there. I've been thinking about doing it for awhile. If for no other reason than to jetison myself out of my complacency.

    I will say this, the law of attraction (I've read Abraham-Hicks, Wayne Dyer, etc... for years) definitely does manifest for you what you envision, believe, feel about something. Ms Q and Derrick are so on target. Be who you want to attract. Remember how loveable you are, Meleah.
    Treasure yourself, and you will attract your heart's windfall.
  • It's not easy meeting people and it's very frustrating sometimes. But they are out there and you have to have patience and perseverance. Even then it's still difficult. Sometimes I just want to throw up my hands and give up. but it sounds like you've got things going in the right direction. MsQ is famous.
  • Aw. But I was just telling you like it is.

    My guess is that the LoA brought me into your life. I've been meaning to read your blog more often (I see your comments all the time on Ricardo's blog) and well, you leave a comment on my blog and I get nudged to look at your blog and like attracts like...

    You can also check out The Secret's website: http://www.thesecret.tv/ - they have some videos there. There's some great YouTube videos I've come across. You can search on "Law Of Attraction"

    Here's a link to the first 20 minutes of "TS" movie:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_b1GKGWJbE8

    Just the other day I was searching YouTube and came across this guy named Danny Arrington (?) who's very engaging in the way he speaks about LoA. Here's his YouTube on "How To Attract Love"

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N7VCaILwXkU

    It sounds like your life is on a positive course, what with your being able to eat and enjoy food again. Having something so positive has probably nudged you into a more positive state so now you're drawing more good things into you life. Keep on drawing it in!
  • Have you tried golf? Or tennis?
    I don't play golf, but my teen does, and I am amazed at the number of eligible men on the course. But I too agree with Derrick - sometimes you meet Mr. Right when you least expect it. As long as you make sure you keep yourself happy, everything else will fall into place.
  • Meleah
    MsQ

    Wow... And I thought I was just going to get some "dating advice" ....

    Thank you.
  • I'll be sure to check for email over the weekend then!

    I like what Derick wrote: "remember when one is at the end of the rope , you attract others who are in the same position–set your sights on infinity and i am sure there woild be something between where you are now and…"

    I've been following the Law of Attraction before even "The Secret" came out ("The Power of Intention" by Wayne Dyer is more my spiritual speed). But reading "The Secret" (library copy) did make me take a good hard look at what I have been attracting into my life.

    Hmmm. What has been going on?

    What I have noticed is that many people I know or who I have met don't love themselves. Wow. Some are just beginning to realize that they don't love themselves, that they have no sense of who they are, that they have been "mystified" (a term John Bradshaw uses in his book "Creating Love").

    Most of my friends/acquaintances are around my age - 40s, so it makes sense that some type of mid-life crisis would be going on. But it seems odd that I'm meeting what I would consider a high percentage of people who well, dislike themselves.

    This made me think. I thunk and thunk and it finally hit me that yes, you cannot give love unless you feel love for yourself. I've read this over and over in all the numerous psych/self help/spiritual books I've read.

    It also fits in with the Law of Attraction which is like attracts like. So what type of men have I been attracting into my life? Very nice men much like myself but somehow...it doesn't go any further. Why? The answer is that at my core, I don't really believe that I am worthy of love.

    Gulp.

    Time for some Affirmative Action!!!

    Instead of buying an inexpensive bottle of wine for the week, I now treat myself to a bouquet of flowers. I look at them and they remind me that hey, I deserve love. I give myself love. I'm loving the flowers. A glass of wine with dinner lasts an hour or so. The flowers at home give me pleasure all day long.

    I also say to myself (which I posted on my blog):

    I am whole, complete and perfect.

    I have a friend who has a lot (A LOT) of health problems. She is stuck in her current unhappy relationship because she feels that she can't do any better, that no one will put up with all her dietary and environmental concerns. She can't eat many things, she's tired all the time, she can barely go anywhere due to chemical sensitivities and she barely works.

    We all have something wonderful to offer another. There is someone out there who will love you just the way you are and you deserve that.
  • Meleah

    Olly: Agreed. But sitting in my house will not accomplish jack squat. So... my dear readers have given me some fantastic ideas! And I really do LOVE you back.

  • OLLY
    DERICK SAID IT BEST MY DEAR.
    AND I REALLLLLLY LOVE YOU TOO.
  • OLLY
    DERICK SAID IT BEST MY DEAR.
  • Meleah

    MsQ: I really appreciate the advice / input. Thank you so much for taking the time to read this and comment here. I think I will send you my MOCK profile over the weekend, I would LOVE to hear your spin on it.

  • I'm famous? hahaha! Thanks! If you post your profile or even email it to me (I admit I don't check my email all that often) I'll do my best with feedback. My profile has gone through many changes since I've first posted!

    These days, online dating is no big deal. That is, a lot of people are online and online dating is much more acceptable. Like anything, you just have to be careful (meet in public place, don't give out your address, etc. etc).

    What are busy people to do these days? It's really just another resource. Maybe the older men in your area hold up better. The guys in their 50s around where I am look...old. Sure there are some fit ones but I dunno, they have slowed down a bit by that age. I did go out with a lovely man, age 54. I loved who he was, dang was he terrific but sigh, I just didn't feel the spark. It was a big bummer for the both of us.

    I am not a fan of gym, either. I don't want to spend the money but it's not just that - I don't like exercising indoors. I'm big on running and running outside. When my job takes me on the road, I dislike having to run on a treadmill and when I do, I'm told that I look very...focused. I'm there to work out.

    Yeah, friends have suggested running clubs or groups. I did one group run a few months ago, just to try it out. Ugh. Nice folks but it wasn't as relaxing for me to run with others. Running is a form of meditation for me.

    You sound much more outgoing than I with respect to getting out there. Since you may prefer older men, your inbox may end up flooded!
  • Meleah

    MS. Q!


    I am very impressed with your online success. Really.


    Hmm... So it's all about the PROFILE? Maybe thats what I did wrong. Okay, I can work with that.... I have a "pre-profile" almost ready to go. I think I might post it and let ya'll help me with it?


    I am also too chicken to "Blog for a Boyfriend" that falls in the same category of internet online dating ....It just scares me, the whole online thing. It seems and feels so unnatural.


    I am actually looking for a GROWN UP. (My last boyfriend was 53 years old, so clearly, I have nothing against the OLDER MEN, in fact, I think I PREFER older men.)


    As for GYMS...... I am Not.A.Fan. I don't want to pay money and have to "get ready" only to get sweaty...


    I am LOVING the LESLIE idea.


    And I am into finding "clubs / groups" in my area that interest me and joining. That could be very cool.


    (I wont be hitting the bar scene or wearing my sandwich board anytime soon.....)

    ---------------------------


    DERICK: Thanks.

  • you will find the man of your dreams/destiny when you least expect it. open yourself to different opportunities without the expectations---when the mind is in neutral you will attract what you are looking for without even trying.
    visit places you would not normally visit and stretch yourself , you could have a blast and surprise yourself.
    good luck to you on this next part of your journey--
    remember when one is at the end of the rope , you attract others who are in the same position--set your sights on infinity and i am sure there woild be something between where you are now and..............
    aurevoir
  • Meleah

    BROOKESTONE: SWEET. (and um er no, I dont belong to any religious temples or churches). but yes.. we will talk and plan and ACT before I am 7 million pounds.

  • Well, I'm stumped as I'm a 42-year-old single woman (that makes me 10 years older than you from what I've read) in the same boat. Except I have done the online dating thing. I haven't had any bad dates.

    I haven't gone on many dates but all my dates were good dates and the men were all highly intelligent, had some level of self-awareness and desires for personal development and yes, they all were able to construct complex sentences.

    The thing is that my profile, what I say really acts as a filter. Unfortunately, what I have written appeals to men in their early 50s. I think that's because at that age, men have walked through the fire emotionally and have figured or are figuring out what is important, really important in life. My profile appeals to very few men in my age range. Granted, men in my age range want to date women in your age range..or younger.


    I say put up a free profile and spend a l of of time on the profile. You're a writer, it'll be a great exercise in your creativity. I read a lot of the male profiles to see what attracted me. Yes, it's more than just a pretty face (and I'm not much into pretty anyways) - the man has gotta show...something in their writing.

    The thing is, if you put up a free profile, you have nothing to lose. I wouldn't link to your blog though (although I don't think they allow that). I write that just because sometimes a blog is just Too Much Information right at the beginning! I think I scared off one of my dates that way!

    One guy I contacted wrote a short story, a moment really, for his profile. It was so intriguing!

    Here's one idea I've thought of but am WAAAAY too chicken to implement: Blogging For A Boyfriend.

    My friends suggest I should join things. Ugh. But I've been getting an incredible amount of Big Freakin' Hints (aka slaps 'upside the head) by the Universe and they all are pointing to Toastmasters. I know. WTF? I love that acronym, WTF. Anyway, between this that and "dah udder" (as mom would say) I have put joining "Toastmasters" on the list.

    There are quite a few in my area so I'll procrastinate a while by figuring out which ones. Unfortunately, they all seem to happen at noon.

    I like Leslie's suggestion about pot luck and food allergies.

    Nix on the bar scene. Nix on the sandwich board.

    I'm a new reader so am not sure if you are strong enough but..join a gym? Unless you join, what "Curves" (womens only?) you are bound to get approached. Unless you don't want that and just want a workout...
  • brookestone
    we better act fast, before i fatten you up! do you belong to a temple? do they rent out the kitchen? we can host a friggin' barbeque at a local park if we can't find another place. and we'll specify that it is NOT for married people of either gender. we'll talk, we'll talk.
  • Meleah

    BROOKESTONE: See.... this is why I digg you so much . hello. Um yeah, can WE, (as in you) make / host special classes?


    .... like the TOTALLY SUPER AWESOME KICK ASS class that LESLIE is suggesting.... ??


    You can even charge people to come (except not me.....)


    But....Where would we host it? How do we get the news out / invite people?


    OMG so many ideas.....


    (*yes there is a clubhouse where I live, that is where I will BE 2-niz-ite..........only problem the place is crawling with tons of married men)


    -------


    LESLIE: You friggin RULE the universe.


    ------


    DAZD: yeah.... its bad. I have NO VOLUME control. I am annoying loud, yet I cant seem to stop. But I haven't been kicked out of a book store or library ... yet.


    -----


    DAWN: I know, DAZD is funny! I am on FaceBook, but that is still to online ish. I REFUSE to date anyone I have met on MySpace and I treat FaceBook the same way...unless I KNOW YOU, (or you are a writer) you are not getting added to my "friends".


    I promise you that he leaves a COMMENT almost every day. I never read them, because they go right to spam. But, I may have to BLOCK the IP address.... it enough already deleting all that trash.

    Can you even deal? (I think I will email one to you so you can see what cracks me up) I cant believe that OVER A YEAR LATER and NEVER meeting me IN PERSON EVER, after just ONE PHONE CALL, he is still STALKING ME.

    I shudder to think how he would have dealt with me actually going on a date with him, and then DUMPING HIS ASS. This guy is the same type of guy that kill their girlfriends when they try to leave them.


    Every time he leaves a comment I am reminded of EXACTLY WHY I DID NOT GO OUT ON A DATE WITH THIS CAT. and WHY I TRUSTED MY GUT when it told me to steer clear… whew!

  • OMG MELEAH!

    You know how people have "supper clubs" where they meet once a month or more at people's houses and bring pot luck? and how you want someone who can DEAL with your health???

    Start the first ever ALLERGY FRIENDLY SUPPER CLUB. Make it so all pot lucks must be allergy friendly and labeled for what allergies they are friendly for, then meet, eat, watch tv, talk, etc once or twice a month with fellow food allergy/crohns sufferers at different houses.

    You'd make FRIENDS anyway, and may meet a guy
  • "TO THIS VERY DAY “that guy” STILL LEAVES SOME COMMENT ALMOST EVERY DAY ON THIS BLOG."

    well now i'm curious.... I'll never get any work done trying to figure this out!
  • laughing at Dazd!
    anyway how about facebook?
    I use it for friends and family but who knows where it could lead?
    the more friends you connect with...
    ok i may be grasping here
    LOL
  • hahaha Well if your loud in a library or bookstore, I can see how thats intimidating. And would probably get you kicked out!
  • brookestone
    why not sign up for a cooking class in your area adult school? or do you have a clubhouse of sorts where you live? we could (er, um, you could) host a cooking class: "cooking for one", or "refurbishing leftovers", or "meals for the single, smart, savvy guy"
  • Meleah
    OLLY: I love you. I really love you.
  • OLLY
    64 MANCHESTER CT.
    LOL LOL LOL
    OLLY
  • Meleah

    DAZD: So I ve been told. Cuz Im too loud. (and I am)

    -----


    MIKE: Darling where have you been all damn summer? You just might regret my showing up! But we sure would have fun watching all those morons standing in the ATM lines going back to get MORE MONEY to loose.

  • I think Atlantic City is the best place in the USA! Ironically enough, I happen to live just a mile away....LOL!
  • You intimidating? No way!
  • Meleah

    HAMMER: Thats a good idea, but I dont have time or money to go back to school. not even part time.

    -----


    ROLANDO: Ive heard that from a lot of people, (looking for it is like jinxing yourself) but its not going to happen sitting IN MY HOUSE ALONE... So, I'm going to try some of these ideas.


    -----


    MICHAELC: Dog Track... HA... hey wait? dont you know I cant wait to score me an alcoholic with a gambling problem.

    -----


    BECKY & DAWN: I love you both, truly, but HELL FUCKING NO. I have TRUE TO LIFE HORROR stories (as LESLIE pointed out) that I may just have to post to PROVE just how fucked up on-line people are.


    *shuddering* at the thought of re-living any of that.


    Here is ONE small example of an ASSHAT from ONLINE "dating"


    First of all, I NEVER EVEN WENT ON A DATE WITH THIS CAT. I NEVER EVEN MET HIM IN PERSON.

    The only contact we EVER had were a FEW emails and we had ONE PHONE CALL. We had contact for maybe 2 weeks TOPS.


    When I decided he was NOT THE GUY FOR ME. I told him nicely that I had found someone else.


    Yes, I lied. I did not want to tell him the REAL reason I wasn't interested was because he was NOT SMART at all. And he was NOT FUNNY at all. How do you tell someone your dumb and boring?


    I'm sorry but after TWO weeks, if you cant think of something SMART or FUNNY to say, then YOU HAVE TO GO.


    Oh, and he was too short for me (sorry people, I just cant with SHORT guys... you MUST BE over 5'5 to go on this ride) ....and because I hated the fact that he was SO INTO the WWF & MONSTER TRUCK racing.... which I think is trailer trash.


    I would have been able to OVER LOOK the short white trash-ness HAD he been SMART OR FUNNY. But. No.


    That was OVER A YEAR AGO, and TO THIS VERY DAY "that guy" STILL LEAVES SOME COMMENT ALMOST EVERY DAY ON THIS BLOG.


    Can you IMAGINE how attached and sick this fucking dood would have been if he ever did SEE ME IN PERSON? Or knew where I lived? If he is still stalking me every day HERE!!


    I have never written about it, or HIM, because WHY would I give that loser any power.


    He can knock him self out leaving comments all day long. They just go directly into the spam folder and get deleted, so I never even READ them.


    So yeah, um ...the online dating scene was too ugly for me.


    *and there are PLENTY of more stories about my bad online dating experiences, I cant even get started with the KKK dood.....

  • OMG - you must put up some of your old online dating stories again to NIP THAT SUGGESTION IN THE BUD. OMG. Y'all have no idea.
  • I was going to say bookstores and library... but Dazd got there first. Hmmm.... church? Naaah.... i'm just kidding! LOL
    coffee shop?
    work?
    Parties? Where I come from we have Kitchen parties... (makeshift jam sessions, lots of food, friends and neighbors, etc)

    HELL MELEAH! I DON'T KNOW!
    this is a lot harder than i thought.
    God forbid but I'm gonna say it.... shhhh (online dating)???? he he ;)
  • Have you thought about online dating? I know it is not cool. But, I think if I was in that position that is what I would do. You can learn so much about a person online, and then the first time you meet, if everything checks out...you already know each other.

    I have friends that have had great success with this. Even a friend of my grandmother found a man and they got married through a meeting on the internet.

    There really are a lot of decent, good worthwhile guys out there. But, the sad thing is they don't know how to connect either, and when it happens it is often just hapstance.

    Anyway--that is what I would do.

    ~Becky
  • I'm sure you'll do very well wherever you decide to go. How could you not! Except maybe the dog track...you're too good for that ;-)
  • The times I found someone, I wasn't looking. When I was looking, I didn't find anyone.

    Maybe if you pretend you're not looking, then someone will come unexpectedly. :)
  • School is a good place. I met my spouse while taking college night classes.
  • Meleah

    PAISLEY: They are either GAY or MARRIED. Whats a girl to do!


    MICHAELC: Ill try anything.

  • Hmmmmm, Starbucks, the library or maybe the bank. Or, maybe the eye doctor's office? Yeah, you got me. I have no idea...
  • well.. i assure you i would be the last to know... it is weird isn't it... after you pass a certain stage in life,, you cant seem to find anyone... whereas when i was younger there were to many to choose from......
  • Meleah

    DAZD: No one ever approaches me in the book store. I have been told "I am too intimidating" whatever the hell that means.


    LESLIE: Thats a GREAT IDEA. Hmmm... maybe I can find a local "book club" ....or take some sort of class? (there is no way I am joining a GYM, who the fuck wants to "get ready" to get sweaty?)


    Uncle Jerry! ha ha ahahahhaaaaa.... If hes willing to TAKE CARE OF ME so I can QUIT MY JOB AND WRITE all day, that MIGHT not be a bad idea? Just kidding! xxooo

  • Or call "Uncle Jerry". I'm sure he'd drive right down. Hehheh.
  • It's not in a bar. That's all I know. You will find Mr Right by chance, or through a friend's introduction, or through a common interest. Join some clubs and such now that you feel better, meet people who are into the things you are into. Worst case you make new friends.
  • Bookstores/library might be a place to start. Not only do you have a chance of meeting smart, funny and stable guys but you'll expand your knowledge as well. A win-win situation!
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