Momma Mia, Mea Culpa

Along with Crohn’s and Celiac’s (like that’s not bad enough to deal with) I have another issue with food. Food Allergies. I am allergic to various foods / spices. According to the allergy specialist scratch tests I took back in 2003, I am NOT allergic to shellfish, or any of the ‘normal’ things that most people are allergic to. I am allergic to peculiar things like: mustard, strawberries, things with seeds, and certain nuts.

Sometimes the reactions are slight, easily treatable with a few antihistamines. Other times, not so much. I break out into hives all over my stomach and back, my eyes swell shut, my lips blow like a bad collagen job, my nasal passages close, I can only breathe through my mouth which becomes extremely itchy, I turn a bright shade red, my ears catch on fire, my tongue fills up my entire mouth, my hands inflate to the point where it looks like I am wearing baseball gloves. It feels like a million hot itchy needles stabbing every inch of my flesh. I want to rip off my skin. Scratching, while temporarily feels great, only makes matters worse. When a reaction like that occurs, not only is it incredibly uncomfortable, it is beyond scary. Words like anaphylactic shock, or death, run through my head as I check repeatedly to make sure my throat does not suddenly close.

And that’s just what happened at 6pm last night. Severe. Allergic. Reaction.

When that sort of reaction occurs I am supposed to use an Epi-Pen to counteract the symptoms and go to the hospital. But, did I have an Epi-Pen? No. Did I go to the hospital? No. Why? Because I am an asshole that never fills her prescriptions. And I am afraid of hospitals.

Instead, I called my daddy to bring me a slew of over the counter medications that have been known to work in the past. I took 3 Clariton, drank half a bottle of liquid Bennadryl, covered my eyes and ears in packets of ice and passed out. Bennadryl works on me much like Chloroform works for serial killers while trying to abduct their prey. It leaves me totally incapacitated and unconscious.

When I woke up this morning, all of my allergic reaction symptoms returned. Mid-shower my eyes felt itchy again. At first, I thought maybe it was the shampoo I had dripped into my eyes considering I was still so woozie from a medicated hangover. But as I proceeded to ‘get ready to go to work’ I became increasingly uncomfortable. By the time I was in my car, attempting to make my way into the office, it became obvious that was not gunna happen. I had to turn around to come home to ingest another round of Clariton and Bennadryl.

I have never had an allergic reaction come on so fast or last for so long. That scared the shit out of me. I have never had an allergic reaction that I couldn’t treat in one day. Nor one that seemingly went away only to return several hours later.

I broke down, smartened the fuck up and called the DOCTOR / ALLERGY SPECAILIST. The same one I haven’t seen in….Oh…4 years! I am heading out to the doctor / specialist right now. Driving in a Bennadryl haze and hopped up on coffee, in the pouring rain, should make for an interesting ride…

I will UPDATE when I return.

{REVISED}

I am back. Apparently, because I have Cronh’s disease, which creates autoimmune deficiencies, my allergic reactions, will now and forever be more severe.

Great.

Then, they threw a bunch of MORE PILLS my way. Seriously, I could play poker with a hand like this: (5 more prescriptions. 5 more. 5)

At least I finally have the most important one:

And now I know that I am allergic to broccoli and corn:

When the rest of the scratch tests came back inconclusive, they sent me for blood work. (See all those check marks? Thats all the different foods that I may be allergic too).

I am running out of things to eat.

PS: *Does anyone have a cool Pez Dispenser I can ‘borrow’ to distribute the number of pills I have to take in a single day? Because right now, I look like a member of some pill pushing underground drug cartel with all of the viles that are currently in my purse.*

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