Sitting ‘Shoulda’

Recently, I spent time with one of my girlfriends, Jennifer. We have been friends for as long as I can remember. Some of my fondest memories come from the times we’ve shared together. There was a time in our lives when her and I were as close as sisters. In fact, we were inseparable.

Alas, as time goes on: people move, they get married, they have kids, things change, and seemingly they grow apart. Nevertheless, her and I will forever have an unbreakable bond.

Sadly, Jennifer’s mother unexpectedly passed away. And I have to admit; I really admire the way she appears to be handling the grief. I know some people use comic relief as a defense mechanism. However, I don’t think I would be able to sustain my sense of humor the way she has.

Mind you, Jennifer has always been one of the funniest people I know. That’s just one of the many reasons I enjoy hanging out with her. Most of her jokes are wildly inappropriate, which, in my opinion, makes them all the more hilarious.

Case. In. Point.

My son and I went to Jennifer’s house a few days after the funeral to check in on her. From the moment we arrived Jennifer was in pretty good spirits. After a few hours together and laughing a lot my son turned to Jennifer and said, “Wow, I really didn’t know what to expect. I thought everyone would be sad, miserable, and depressed over here. It’s nice to see you smiling.”

I turned to my son and asked, “Well, what did you think? Did you picture everyone wearing torn garments, with black cloth covering the mirrors and windows? They aren’t sitting Shiva. They’re not Jewish.”

And that’s when Jennifer replied with, “Since my mom died, I’ve been thinking about all of the things I shoulda said to her but never did. I’ve been thinking about all of the things I shoulda done for her over the years. And I’ve been thinking about all of the ways I shoulda appreciated her. So, no, I’m not sitting Shiva. But I am sitting ‘Shoulda’.

After a hardy laugh with that statement, Jennifer also got me to thinking.

The whole care ride home I thought about all of the people in my life who are the most important to me. And I wondered if I tell them how much I love them enough. And I wondered if I show them how much I appreciate them.  Because as funny as ‘Sitting Shoulda’ sounds? I don’t think I would like to be filled with so much guilt and regret.

Therefore, I have decided over the next seven days [at least] I am going to go out of my way, and make it a point to spend extra time with loved ones to really let them know exactly what they mean to me. Tomorrow is promised to no one.

About Meleah

Mother. Writer. Television Junkie. Pajama Jean Enthusiast.
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80 Responses to Sitting ‘Shoulda’

  1. Nicky says:

    🙂 Just say when!

  2. I'm ready anytime YOU are!
    Seriously, I will cancel any and all plans to meet you!

  3. The Chick says:

    I love your friend ! And I bet you two are exactly alike, two peas in a pod. My deepest sympathies to Jennifer.

  4. Sitting shoulda. The perfect reminder. Wow.

  5. Selma says:

    WOW. This has blown me away. What an incredibly positive attitude. I am so sorry Jennifer has lost her mother but am grateful for the lesson she has given me todayt. Awesome!

  6. I know right!
    I don't think I would EVER be able to handle losing a family member with
    such amazing strength.
    And to teach me a valuable lesson ON TOP of that? = Priceless.

    And just in case I haven't told you lately, I love you Selma!

  7. robinelton says:

    Tell them you love them… and ask them questions. Pay attention to their stories. My biggest regret is that I don't remember the details of the stories my parents would tell- my brother and I have sat up late many a night trying to work out the timelines, so that we can pass the lore on to our children.

    I wrote about my mom here; my own belated version of sitting shoulda.
    http://youcanreadmelikeabook.blogspot.com/2008/

  8. Thank you for sharing!

    I started THIS very blog in order to write down my own family stories and
    preserve the memories. So far? Its been a wonderful 4 years and I've been
    named the official 'Family Historian'!

  9. Lucy says:

    Sitting Shoulda really makes you think, doesn't it?

  10. It sure does! It sure does Lucy.

  11. That's a real lesson to all of us. Lets hope we never have to be 'sitting shoulda'.

  12. Brian Dawson58 says:

    I've never left… I watch and read your 'stuff' quite often… But, … thanx for noticing me…

  13. ladyV says:

    awh meleah, you're such a good friend. jennifer is fortunate to have you in her life. jennifer, sorry to hear about your mom's passing.

    i'm already a basket case, not sure i would be able to deal with something like this as well as jennifer has.

  14. Me either! I cry over a hang nail!

  15. territerri says:

    Jennifer sounds like a wonderful and inspiring person. It's no wonder since she's hung out with you all these years!

  16. Thanks Terri!
    I just hope I will be able to maintain my sense of humor when faced with
    something as difficult.

  17. OMG I love her!!! Jennifer sounds just like a few of my good friends with jokes always at the most inopportune time, which like you, makes me laugh even harder. Hey we might not be politically correct, but what the hell. We are bloggers, who write about most anything we can think of.

    So nice to have some time this evening to visit and enjoy your great blog, love your story telling style. you shoulda been a writer……

  18. Thanks MOB!
    Maybe ONE day I will become a writer.
    *fingers crossed*
    And, yes, Jennifer is HILARIOUS.
    I usually surround myself with funny people!

  19. Ann T Hathway says:

    Dear Meleah,
    This is a lovely post. Your friend may have humor, but she's also got honesty going for her. I love how she is handling this! However, she won't always be this collected, I bet.

    You're a good friend to check with her. It means so much. To take her at face value but also more deeply than that.

    Have a great day! My condolences for your friend's loss.

    Sincerely,
    Ann T.

  20. Thank you very much Ann T

  21. Ricardo says:

    Good as this is something you can never go wrong with. Make the most of that time.

    And I am very impressed with the way she handles it all.

  22. ladybanana says:

    I was (still am) full of shoulda's, my Mum passed suddenly aged 52 – you just never know..

  23. Family of Seven says:

    It's nice when you have a friend like that. And, it's a good point to treat those you love to extra special treatment. I have a friend like that, we hadn't talked in about 15 years, then we finally got back in touch. It was like we had just talked the day before; like no time had passed at all. Unfortunately, she lives 1800 miles away so we can't see each other often.

  24. You never know. That's why it's important to tell people how much you love
    them as often as possible!

  25. Friends like that are even more special!

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