Wherein My Parents Are Grounded

Let me just preface this blog post with the fact that I have a whole new-found respect for both of my parents. Seriously. How they managed to raise three children, and, without dropping dead from constantly worrying – will never cease to amaze me.

Now would also be good time to inform you that we are very big on leaving notes in this household. Whenever someone goes out? They leave a NOTE on the kitchen counter. This way, we always know where everyone is. And, in the unlikely event there is no note, in this day and age, we can at least Text Message another family member with our geographic details.

That being said, I’d like to tell ya’ll the little story about the day my family went missing.

This Thanksgiving, both of my brother’s spent the holiday with their kids and their wives families. And for the first time in history, I celebrated Thanksgiving with my boyfriend’s family. And that meant my parents would be FREE for Thanksgiving for the first time since they bailed on all of us back in 2006.

[* Anyone here remember this?]

Good Times.
Good Times.

Anyway.

Thanksgiving morning, I was heading out the front door of my house with my boyfriend Sonny, and my son JCH – when my parents told me they would be spending the holiday with Poppa Sye at our local Country Club, often referred to on this blog as KHCC.

I thought to myself, ‘good for them’. Now they won’t have to deal with cooking, and cleaning, and preparations, or setting the table, and ‘All That Jazz’. I kissed my parents goodbye, took one photo of Poppa Sye because his outfit was just too cute, and left the house.

My son and I spent Thanksgiving 2009 fully enjoying the comforts of Sonny’s sisters house. We shared laughs, good company, and great food. Speaking of great food, I decided to go ‘All Out’ the night before by preparing my own ‘Famous Homemade Mashed Potatoes’ from scratch! And, yes, I am thrilled to announce my mashed potatoes were a huge success. Every one loved them.

[I believe I may have just herniated a disk – while patting myself on the back.]

When the festivities began to wind down, I thought it would be nice to surprise my parents by coming home early so we could have dessert together. After all, this was the first holiday I had ever spent away from my own family, and it just didn’t feel like Thanksgiving without them.

We walked through my front door shouting, “Hello! We’re home!” but it was obvious no one was here.

Hmm…I thought.
Maybe my family is still at the Country Club?

My son decided to stay home, and Sonny and I took a ride up to KHCC to see if my parent’s + Poppa Sye were there. I still wanted to surprise them.

However, when we pulled up?

The surprise was on us.

KHCC was closed.

Thankfully, my dear friend Amy The Bartender had worked that day. So when I sent her a text message questioning the whereabouts of my family, she came outside of the building. At that point, Amy informed me, YES my family had been there, but they had left hours ago. I didn’t really think that much of it at the time, but something felt a little off. I declined an invitation to stop by another friends house, wished Amy The Bartender a Happy Thanksgiving, and told ATB to call me later.

Sonny and I drove back to my house and waited for my parents + Poppa Sye.

But this time…

When we walked through the front door?

I noticed things looked slightly suspicious.

First of all, there were dishes in the sink. And as of late, my mother has been on a rampage about no one leaving any dishes in the sink. So, I thought that was a little strange.

Then, Sonny and I took a closer look around the kitchen and noticed what looked like a burnt tray of some kind of ‘Dessert Gone Awry’ on the stovetop. Again, I thought it was odd my parents had just left a pan out like that all haphazardly.

We checked the usual spot on the counter only to discover my parent’s did NOT leave a note. Now, that was very unusual.

But when I noticed my mother’s purse on the kitchen counter? My stomach flipped. Why in the world would my mother leave the house – without her pocketbook?

I expressed my concerns to Sonny, who in turn suggested that I text/call my parent’s cell phones. Ah, yes. Brilliant.

I sent my first text message to my mother at 7pm. But, when I didn’t get a response from my mother by 7:30pm, Sonny and I figured MAYBE my family went to the movies. Because honestly, where ELSE could they have possibly been on Thanksgiving evening and with Poppa Sye?

Poppa Sye is NOT a man who likes to stay out late. In fact, for every other ‘Family Function’, I drive my car just in case Poppa Sye needs or wants to leave early. Which, he always does. So for HIM to be out this late – was yet another cause for concern.

Sonny suggested that I call my mother’s cell phone to see if it would ring, or if it just went to voice mail. This way I would be able to determine if my mother’s cell phone was OFF or ON.

As I dialed her number, I silently prayed the call would go directly to voice mail. That would confirm her cell phone had been turned OFF and I could run with the idea ‘They Are At The Movies’.

But when my mothers phone rang five times prior to going to voice mail?

That theory went right out the window.

Sonny, trying to keep me calm, thought maybe my mother left her cell phone in the car, and that I should try calling my fathers cell phone. Which, I did.

And once again?

My father’s phone rang five times before going to voice mail.

It was apparent both of my parent’s phones were ON, and yet NO ONE was answering them or returning any text messages.

Sonny still trying to work with the notion that my parents and Poppa Sye had gone to the movies [and that both of my parents had left their phones in the car] suggested we look up movie times and try to deduce what movie they could possibly be watching. I agreed. After choosing the movie with the longest running time as a potential idea, Sonny and I promised NOT to get nervous until the supposed movie ended.

In an effort to distract myself, I sat at my desk wildly commenting on other people’s statuses on Facebook, while Sonny paced the floors of my bedroom.

And even though we promised each other NOT to worry?

Sonny began mulling over ‘The Mysterious Clues’ in my house.

He also found it alarming to see the dishes in the sink, the burnt pan on the stove, and how my mother’s purse was on the kitchen counter. And, since we are a household of leaving notes? Sonny checked the downstairs one more time to see if there was any kind of message informing us where they were. Sadly, there was NO NOTE to be found.

[I think Sonny took it upon himself to wash, dry, and put away the dirty dishes just to get his mind off of the hypothetical looming tragedy.]

At around 8:30pm, my son JCH emerged from his bedroom to ask me, “Hey. Mom, do we know where the grandparents are?”

I felt a little knot in my gut and replied, “Actually. No.”

My son said, “Huh, that’s weird.”

I shook my head in agreement. “Yeah, I know. It is weird.”

Side bar: My great-grandmother used to have a saying. “If three people tell you you’re drunk, you should fall down.” What that basically means is, if one person tells you something, you can easily blow it off. If two people say the same thing, you can call that a coincidence. But, if Three People tell you The Same Thing? There must be some validity to it.

So there I was, trying to stop myself from imaging the Worst Case Scenarios, with TWO people pointing out how strange things were.

Aside from the things in the house that appeared bazaar, the fact that Poppa Sye was out so late – was distressing – at best.

All I needed was a third person to support my logic and I would be justified for feeling worried.

At 9pm, Sonny and I realized there was no conceivable way for my family to still be ‘At The Movies’. There was no movie playing that evening for over three hours long.

Sonny and I decided to text message both of my parents again.

And again.

And again.

And once again?

We received no responses.

From. Anyone.

What. The. Fuck.

By the time 9:30 rolled around?

I called Amy The Bartender.

Now, since I have been known to over-react occasionally, I wanted to speak with Amy because she is typically a lot more rational that I am. Especially…in situations like this. When I am about to fly off the handle, Amy has the gift, and ability, to talk me down from any ledge. I figured if there was nothing to worry about she would surely be the one who could convince me everything was fine.

I also hoped that if Amy The Bartender could tell me the exact time my parents left KHCC, maybe I would be able to form some kind of a time-line? Maybe that little piece of information would help me figure out where in the world they could be?

I have to tell you. Before Amy The Bartender picked up her phone? It was as if I was holding two imaginary tickets in my hand.

One ticket was for riding ‘The Rational Train’ wherein I would remain calm, reasonable, and logical.

The other ticket was for riding ‘The Crazy Train’ wherein I would I become a paranoid, basket case, allowing every ever-increasing fear running through my head to come to life.

Depending on Amy’s thoughts about the situation, I held on to each ticket in opposite hands, and I waited for Amy to give me permission to jump on ‘The Right Train’.

When Amy told me my parents had left KHCC around 5:30 pm, a full Four Hours ago, I felt my heart sink. After explaining the specifics about the condition of my house? Amy not only handed me the boarding pass to ‘The Crazy Train’, but she dove onto the tracks too.

Amy thought the circumstances in my house really were peculiar. Amy also agreed it was very out of the ordinary for Poppa Sye to be out of the house this late.

And, where in the world would my parents have taken Poppa Sye?

And, Where would Poppa Sye agree to go with them? He never likes to hang out with anyone!

And, why were they missing for this many hours?

And, why weren’t anyone answering their damn cell phones?

[And there I had it. My Three People. Confirming my worst fears. It was time to board ‘The Crazy Train’ and drive it Off The Rails.]

There could only be one sound explanation.

Something terrible must have happened to Poppa Sye.

Maybe he fell down, and he was injured? Maybe he had a heart attack? Maybe be hit his head?
Or even worse…..
Maybe he was dying?

That would explain the mess in the kitchen!

That would explain why the house was left is such a state of disarray!

My parents MUST HAVE had to rush my grandfather to the hospital!

And that’s why my mom left her purse!

And that’s why they weren’t answering their phones!

[And that’s when my thoughts spiraled out of control. My heart was racing, my palms were sweating, and my head was spinning.]

For the next three hours, Sonny and I peered out the windows of my house, jumping with anticipation at every oncoming set of car headlights.

After following the advice of Amy The Bartender, we called every local hospital to see if my grandfather had been admitted anywhere.

But no one had any answers.

Then, it dawned on me.

Desperately trying to hang on to some shred of sanity, I came up with one more possibility.

MAYBE my parents took Poppa Sye over to my Uncle Victor’s for dessert? My Uncle Victor didn’t live THAT far away, and maybe they were able to convince Poppa Sye to take a drive over there. And just maybe their cell phones really were left in the car?

Amy The Bartender offered to do a ‘Drive-By’ of my Uncle Victor’s house since my uncle lives in her neighborhood. I was able to rest my weary brain temporarily thinking Amy would see my parent’s car in my Uncle Victor’s driveway momentarily.

But, there was no such luck.

Amy did not see my parent’s car. And she became increasingly vexed. Amy told me WHEN and IF I ever located my parents SHE wanted to speak with them as well.

Satisfied, having the necessary people tell me that I was NOT overreacting, I continued to pace my bedroom floors, chain-smoking cigarettes, while Sonny and JCH tried to divert themselves.

It was the LONGEST three hours – Of My Life.

Then, out of nowhere, by sheer miracle, at 11:25pm, my phone made an all too familiar sound.

My hands were shaking so badly, I could barely ‘Slide To Unlock’ my iPhone.

Therein was a text message!

From My Mother.

“Hi, we are at the Markowitz house. We should be leaving shortly.”

I jumped for joy and screamed, “Holy Hell! They ARE alive!”

I texted back as if I had NOT been a nervous wreck for the last six and a half hours.

“Um. Okay. Please call me when you get in the car!”

Apparently, my parents decided to kidnap Poppa Sye and brought him to their friend’s house. All in the name of playing Match-Maker.

You see, my mother’s girlfriends Mother [named Shirley] was at the Markowitz house and they thought it would be nice to introduce Poppa Sye to her.

Ah, Ha.

And when Poppa Sye and Shirley clearly hit it off and flirted all night, my parents saw no reason to leave.

Ah, Ha.

And, my parents had left their phones in their coat pockets in another room.

Ah, Ha.

And, my mother had switched pocket books that night and only took a few essentials out of the giant purse that was sitting on the kitchen counter.

Ah, Ha.

But knowing all of that, did not stop me from CRYING, tears of RELIEF – when my family arrived safely home – well past Midnight!

After hugging Poppa Sye, like it was his last day on earth, and after pulling myself together, I began to verbally punish my parents for A. not leaving a note, and B. not answering their cell phones!

And even after my parents promised NEVER to do something like that again? I still told them they were grounded.