Momma Mia, Mea Culpa

[Note: As promised, I will be writing this blog post in both The First Person and The Third Person. I sure do hope that everyone is happy now?]

Okay people, I was going to write ‘Meleah’s Week In Review’ like I am supposed to write on Mondays. However, in the interest of keeping my blog posts shorter, I am only going to share a few stories from last week, rather than breaking down each individual day. Because honestly? Not all that much happened on Monday, Tuesday or Thursday anyway.

Oh, and I will be peppering this blog post with captioned photos in a lame attempt to distract you from realizing just how long this blog post actually is.

Ready?

Here we go…

Last Wednesday, I was invited to attend my ‘Very First Wine Tasting Dinner’. Which is ironic considering I don’t even drink wine. But, since I was asked by some of my dear friends [who will now and forever be referred to as The Peeps] I just couldn’t say no.

I would like to share with you the highlights and/or cliff notes of that night, via Facebook Status Update Format.

Facebook Status Updates Meleah WOULD HAVE POSTED [if her cell phone had internet access] While Attending Her First ‘Wine Tasting Dinner.’

* Meleah was so excited about attending her Very First Wine Tasting Dinner – she went out of her way to ‘Dress Up’ [like a lady] complete with a skirt and high heels. [And in case anyone is wondering, yes, that does qualify as a miracle.]

* Meleah was so nervous about attending her Very First Wine Tasting Dinner – she showed up a half an hour early. But, Meleah was ‘The Only Person’ who showed up that early, and that only made her all the more nervous!

* Meleah spent the next thirty minutes hoping and praying she had arrived at the Right Place. And, she was quite relieved when the other members of the party finally showed up at the Same Place.

* Meleah felt very uncomfortable attending her Very First Wine Tasting Dinner – having little to no knowledge about wine/champagne. Therefore, Meleah just smiled, and nodded in agreement, AS IF she understood what the other people were talking about. She thinks she may have been able to fool everyone into thinking she belonged there.

* Meleah was way too shy to take pictures at her Very First Wine Tasting Dinner, even though she had been given ‘The Best Seating Possible, With Perfect Vantage Points, Specifically For Taking Photos’.

* Meleah received a valuable education in wine-glass-cleaning complete with special techniques after someone else discovered the wine glasses on the table smelled a little bit funky. Apparently, a good bottle of wine will be destroyed if the wine glass itself is not cleaned properly. And anytime Meleah learns a new ‘Cleaning Trick’ is a GOOD time for her.

* Meleah managed to use her Inside Voice for the duration of a five-course meal.

* Meleah had No Idea two Seemingly Harmless Scallops could wreak SO MUCH havoc, in one’s mouth and/or throat, because Meleah did not realize just how much spicy chili powder was on top of these two Seemingly Harmless Scallops.

* Meleah was forced to chew on an entire cup of ice just to stop the fiery burning.

* Meleah also had no idea those two seemingly harmless scallops would haunt her for the duration of the evening.

* Meleah discovered there is not enough Zantac in the world to cure that kind of heartburn.

And that my friends, wraps up my very first, ‘Wine Tasting Dinner’.

Now, I believe I promised some of you the story about: ‘A Girl Who Hasn’t ‘Dated’ Or Even Liked ANYONE Since Last February, That Once Had A Crush On A ‘Totally Super Hot Guy.’

However, if you noticed the words “Once Had” I am sure you can deduce that story is no longer relevant. In fact, I have a much better story to tell. This story is called:

The Surprise Blind Date Guy – Who Turned Out To be Totally Super Hot And Awesome, Otherwise Known As ‘Puddy’ From Seinfeld – Only SMARTER.

Now, I almost DID NOT share this story with you, because my mother is convinced that every time I write a blog post that involves any sort of dating theme I jinks myself. Which may or may not be true. But, for whatever reason, I am willing to take that gamble and roll the dice here. Although, I might freak out of this ends up blowing up in my face.

Anyway…

On Friday, I was visiting my favorite person known as Amy The Bartender [Who Plays Tennis But Is Not Ranked] at my favorite place known as KHCC.

It was just like any other day I’ve spent in the corner of the bar, on my computer, and minding my own business. And by minding my own business I mean socializing with everyone inside the building.

One of my girlfriends whom I haven’t seen in a while just happened to stop in that night. And, she could not have showed up at a better time in my life. After chatting and catching up with each other she asked if I was still single. Of course my reply was, YES. Painfully. Single.

While I love spending time with my friends, 99.9% of them are a part of a couple. And while I thoroughly enjoy being invited to all of their houses and to all of their fabulous parties, at times it can feel pretty lonely being The Only Single Girl.

Now, yes, I have written posts before about: Why Being Really Lonely Is Sometimes Super Awesome. And quite frankly, I have been pretty great with being alone. Happy even. It’s been nice with no one else demanding, wanting or needing things from me. It’s been positively agreeable that a man in my life could become a major distraction from reaching my goals.

The best part(s) of being this single, besides not having to shave my legs, or having to get dressed up, or go through the god awful uncomfortable first date silence? I have been able to experience the sheer freedom; to do what I want, when I want, with who I want, and not answering to, or considering anyone else’s needs or feelings. It’s one less person to clean up after. It’s one less load of laundry, and I never ever have to share the remote or fake interest in sporting events.

Except that sometimes, it’s not always super awesome to be lonely. Even now and again, I really do wonder what it would be like to have a boyfriend again. Maybe even a boyfriend that I actually liked. And I miss being in a committed relationship.

Which brings me to the point. Hopefully.

I had just finished expressing how it’s not always super awesome to be totally lonely. And it was as if a light bulb went off over my girlfriend’s head. She suggested that I call, or text, her Single And Available brother, to set up a date for ‘Sunday Sauce’ at her house. This way, if he agreed, there would be a built in ‘buffer-zone’.

While I was hesitant at first, the idea of living the single life forever stings. A lot. So, I decided to be bold. I decided to be brave. And I sent a text message to her brother. After friendly banter we both agreed to meet at his sisters house on Sunday for sauce.

Good. Great. That would give me something to look forward to.

Little did I know my girlfriend had other plans on her mind. Just as soon as I walked away to use the bathroom she called, and spoke to her brother, all the while convincing him to come up to the clubhouse immediately.

By the time I found out he was on his way? It was too late for me to run home and ‘get ready’ to meet him. Like most people, I prefer to put on my game face, and respectable clothing, when making a first impression.

But there I was wearing no makeup, sporting a raggedy ponytail, in black sweatpants, and a baby blue Smurf t-shirt that makes my boobs look like to red balloons stuck to my chest – with nowhere to hide.

All of a sudden, something inside of me said, “If He Cant Take You At Your Worst, He Doesn’t Deserve You At Your Best.” And then I thought, well, eventually anyone who dates me will find out exactly what I look like without any make-up, in sweat pants and a ponytail, especially since that is how I normally look All.The.Time.

So, I resolved to stay in the building to await his arrival, and I remained dressed like a homeless person.

Now, I was NOT expecting him to be funny. I was NOT expecting him to find me the least bit interesting. I was NOT expecting him to be so very incredibly handsome. And I was certainly NOT expecting for the two of us to hit it off seamlessly and perfectly within seconds of meeting each other.

But. Um.

He is very funny. He found me quite interesting. He is so very incredibly handsome. And we totally hit it off within the first sentence exchange.

We ended up staying at the clubhouse until closing, without ever having a single second of that dreaded silence. The two of us chatted about any and everything with wildly flailing arms moving at rapid speeds just like most Jewish Italian People do.

Without giving too much away, I will quote Amy The Bartender the best I can:

“Honestly, I have never seen two people have so much in common, and so much chemistry, that quickly. It’s almost scary.”

And she’s right. By the end of the first date, my head was spinning and I was left wondering, “Is This Too Good To Be True?”

So, I tested the hands of fate.

I figured since I’ve already broken some of my 1st date rules [which by the way have never paid off anyway] what’s the big deal if I break another so-called dating rule?

So. I sent him a text. Thanking him for the Best 1st Date Ever.

And yanno what happened?

We made a second date for Saturday Night.

And that date was just as awesome [if not better than] Friday Night.

And we spent the whole day Sunday texting [and talking on the phone] because ‘Sunday Sauce’ was canceled due to the fact that my girlfriend is currently feeling under the weather.

So…there you have it.
Or at least as much as I am permitted to tell you – for now!

And now, it’s time for me to make my rounds on The Internet and catch up with all your fabulous blog posts!

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