First of all, A HUGE GIANT “Thank You” goes out to everyone who took the time to read all of those crazy posts of mine and for voting on which one I should enter into the Readers Digest competition.
I really do have The Best Blog Family. Ever.
Okay. People.
Here are the results per YOUR VOTES…..
The Black Out : 0
(clearly I am NOT using this one.)
*Wait Isn’t That : 6
*My Daddy And The Spider : 13
Lesson Learnt : 3
A Lesson In Geography Or Something Like That : 0
(clearly I am NOT using this one either!)
Because Its Not Really A Party Unless The Paramedics Arrive : 5
Wherein I Hope To Avoid Making An Ass Of Myself : 2
Continuing Education Credits? Or The Longest Sales Pitch Ever? : 2
I Could But I Wont. : 1
The Mayan Ruins : 2
Cooking Is Hard Work : 1
And lastly we have the winner:
*The New Jersey Turnpike
Coming in STRONG with a solid 22 Votes including those votes cast via email and Facebook.
However, The NJTPK is certainly in need of some heavy editing. Not to mention that I am going to need some brand new adjectives to replace all of that profanity. I think I am going to get very good use out of my Thesaurus today!
Oh yeah, just one last thing before I go.
Did anyone else happen watch THIS last night? OMFG. Holy Hysterical.
Great result. That is a good story. Best of luck with the comp!!
njtpke sounds like a winner. i also liked “cooking is hard work.” can’t believe that only got one vote. i’ll have to check out that new comedy next week. 🙂
i am so in agreement.. i love that one,, and i just know you can make it work…
face it meleah,, we are a pretty good cross section of people and we all love it already!!!!
Hehe, very funny. Good luck with the contest!
That is a great choice. I’m glad you are going with that. I think the general readership over there can relate. And can I say that it was quite a vivid story. I mean, you’re writing takes me there.
Did I vote? If not it was this one I wanted to vote for too :O)
THAT WAS MY SECOND CHOICE. THOUGHT IT MAY BE TOO LOCAL.
Just remember us when you’re rich and famous.
Oh.
Reader’s Digest.
Nevermind.
Ok that was a good one too.
Sorry I didn’t get to it. I’m slammed at work and bummed out and depressed at home. Good luck sweetheart. I hope you get published.
Selma:
xoxoxox
Maria:
I may have miscounted, but yeah only One Vote for that one.
Paisley:
That is true. I do have “a pretty good cross section of people and YOU all love it already.’ That gives me a boost of confidence!
Silver:
Thank you.
Urban:
I think everyone can relate to that sort of frustration.
Babs:
Thanks doll!
Oscar:
Hm. I think everyone can relate to traffic.
mooooooog35:
HA HA HA
🙂
Courtney:
Yeah, but I hope it doesn’t suck when I have to take out the profanity!
The Girl:
Honey I know how slammed you are right now. Dont sweat it.
I still love you!
YAY! 🙂 Good luck sweetie!
I MUST protest your saying ‘I think everyone can relate to traffic.’ Here in the Great White North, some people STILL are amazed that we actually HAVE cars, much less drivable roads–soooooo, freeway driving is lost on us. 😉 (Just kidding–driving frustrations ARE universal!) Good luck with your story. xoxo
Olga:
Thanks darling!
CMK:
Oh geez. You made me nervous!
🙁 I didn’t get to read them all oe vote sorry, I have been just getting mini glances at everyones pages due to my work load.
Good Luck on the contest!
Fingers crossed 🙂
I completely missed all of this! But you seem to have managed alright without me. 😉
Good luck with the writing competition!
Since I wasn’t really clear about voting for Daddy and the Spider, let me just say that that’s what I voted for. Especially now that I see it’s the winner.
That was my 2nd choice. I think the infamous NJ Turnpike would be a good piece.
Good luck Meleah. I’m sending all the good luck vibes over to you.
Jay:
I’m struggling to decide what to do now because I am NOT a fan of the FLAT version of the NJTPK.
Richard W:
Yeah. Um, I am thinking YOU were right.
🙂
RMH:
I think I have to change the NJTPK to My Daddy And The Spider, because NJTPK just does not work without the term WHORE!
Now see? I know what I’m talking about. PERFECT choice. You’re going to keep the personification, right? Um, and I’m fixed. Finally. Thanks for worrying. It was nice. You know, like you don’t have anything better to do. Heh.
Yha hooooooo!!! … my pick won 😉
When go out East to visit my oldest son’s grandparents in Massachusetts… I stop driving at about New Jersey. It is so crazy up there.
Chicago is some of the fastest driving I have ever seen in the country but they don’t drive like they are hell bent on their way to the mental ward.
I hate driving in Jersey, New York, and parts of Massachusetts!
I cant’ wait to see you published in RD!!! I know they will love your story, how could they not?!?
Good luck with the adjectives! 🙂
If I know you, you’ll figure out how to creatively transform all the profanity into something Readers-Digest-Acceptable!
I always miss out on the good stuff when I’m out of town.
Good luck with Reader’s Digest. I love it!
Okay, you’ve convinced me to vote for the NJ Turnpike too. 😉
I voted for it after I voted against it, which was after I hadn’t voted at all.
And, like our Congressmen, I haven’t read what I’m voting in favor of.
Oh yeah yeah yeah I remember the The New Jersey Turnpike lol. Great choice all and congrats Meleah. I’m sure you’ll clean it up just nicely 🙂
Sorry I’m late! I was going to vote for the spider one until I read the turnpike one! But I enjoyed all of the posts I’ve read. 🙂 I hope you will keep us posted about the publishing of your story! 🙂
Ok I’ll keep my fingers crossed. 🙂
New Jersey turnpike. Riding on a wet night. Beneath the refinery’s glow, out where the great black rivers flow.
i want a recount. my other personalities forgot to vote.
Happy Valentines Day to you and yours, Meleah. Hope you get lot’s of chocolate! 😎
That’s OK, I don’t think the RD would print “ass” in a title anyway.
HVD
.
Thanks Ya’ll.
THE FINAL DRAFT:
To My Dear Sweet Highway…The New Jersey Turnpike
I give up. You win. I will never beat you. All I have left to say is, “Uncle.”
I want you to know I have considered moving in order to avoid you all together. But everywhere I go, there you are. Since there is no way for me to steer clear of you, it’s time for us to reach some sort of agreement.
Please stop trying to tempt me into playing that wicked game of forced rapid lane changes. I will lose every time, as you have proven once again. After doing battle with you every day, twice a day, for six years now, you still find ways to outfox me.
I will never figure out how you managed to lure me in yesterday. Maybe it was those fresh painted lines? They cover your cracks so well. I forgot all about your infinite wisdom. You fooled me with those sexy wide-open lanes. You did an excellent job of manipulating me into believing I could trust you that day.
Alas, it was nothing more than your heartless trickery that provided me little to no traffic for a cool 10 miles. I actually had a sense of peace and silence in my head. It reminded me of the early days when we first met. Back when driving on you, complete with my windows down and music playing on my console, was all the glorious sense of freedom I needed.
For a moment, dare I say, it was nice?
Then WHAM!
You hit me. And right where it hurt. With your ever-so conquering: ‘Brick Wall Of Traffic’.
I was too far past my ‘escape exit’ to save myself. You must have noticed I’ve been using that secret alternate route. You must have been planning this for weeks, watching my every move, plotting for the perfect time to unleash your revenge. You sure are a crafty one.
I must admit it was a well-executed plan.
When you first caught me you held me tight in your grip. And then, you made me pay. To think you betrayed me and snuck behind my back for the feel-good-quickie of a 13 mile back up, a four-car pile-up, with an over-turned dumpster to boot. You may be an old lady, but you’re still a mighty strong mother when you want to be.
There was no hope to be had. I was stuck in that mess for the long haul. I couldn’t even make my famous take-a-fast-ride-on-the-shoulder-move because you are under construction.
What a surprise.
It took 49 minutes to travel 3 miles.
Not. Cool.
As I sat in my car, practically parked, I watched the clock tick slower than on any other day. Time actually stood still. I thought about seeking my own revenge upon you. I tried to figure out ways to break up with you right then and there. I contemplated turning in my EZ-Pass in search of a strictly back road pathway to reach my journey’s end. I pondered all of ways I could cheat on you with the Garden State Parkway. However, your vast body made up of tar and asphalt covers 99.9% of the state.
When it was all said and done, the painstaking crawl, moving inch by inch, every inch that you made me beg for, that’s when you showed me just how tough you really are. After I finally saw those big blinking lights greeting me at the bottom of the exit ramp I realized you have the nerve to charge people money at the tolls? Instead, you should be serving hard liquor or handing out free prizes to those of us who actually made it to our destination exit.
Alas, I can’t play with you anymore, not like I used to.
It was fun while it lasted, but I surrender.
You have beaten me into submission.
I will not expect to get to work or home on time again.
EVER!
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Wonderful job re-writing this!
Sweeeeeeeeeet! Thank You!
Still very amusing to read and any reader who drives on any hellish highway will feel vindicated. Well done, Ms M!
You are the best Donna.