(I warned ya’ll I was going to write about the traffic.)
We all know That Guy in the Left Lane who has no business being there. And, we all know That Guy who should be sporting a bumper sticker warning “I break for no apparent reason”. We know all about the road raging psychopath that rides up your end, tailgating, flashing headlights, and blowing the horn.
But I digress.
As a fellow driver, traveler of highways far and wide, I think I can speak for all of us, when I say:
“People. Please! Pick A Lane.”
And,
“Please, Pick The Correct Lane.”
* ‘Correct’ being the ‘KEY’ word. *
I am sure everyone here is familiar with ‘The Basic Rules Of Driving’ when it comes to a Multiple Lane Highway.
Right?
Left Lane = Fast Lane.
Middle Lane = Passing and/or Bobbing & Weaving Lane.
(A further explanation to follow)
Right Lane = Slow Lane.
And my personal favorite: Staying In Your Own Lane.
Seems simple enough.
Yes?
Then how come I always manage to be surrounded by all of the people operating vehicles that do NOT know ‘The Basic Rules Of Driving’?
These are the very same people who lack any kind of consideration for The Other Drivers sharing the road. (Like implementing the proper usage of turn signals and/or ‘blinkers’.)
What am I talking about? Oh, just those people who have signaled they will be going towards the RIGHT, but instead, they move over into the LEFT lane.
There are only a few other things that some drivers do which infuriate me as much as improper signaling.
For instance:
Those of you who are afraid to drive next to a concrete divider, may I suggest that you Pick Another Lane. Please. Stop drifting into MY LANE simply because you are frightened by the narrowing width of the road.
I understand sometimes an unforeseen pothole in the road may cause your car jerk in an uncontrolled violent matter, forcing you into another lane against your will. I appreciate those of you who remain calm and regain control over your vehicle in a timely fashion.
But for the life of me, what I will never understand, or fully comprehend is the mentality behind the Middle Lane Mother Fuckers (MLMF).
These are the most dangerous drivers on the road. Why? Because MLMF’s are the ones who are totally unaware that anyone else is on the road with them.
Here is a little secret in your ear.
If you are in the Middle Lane and BOTH the Left Lane & the Right Lane are PASSING YOU on each side, then you are in ‘The Wrong Lane’. In fact, you have now become The Reason that people like me are forced to change lanes in order to get away from you. Either, reconsider your position on the road, or, try tapping the pedal marked for ‘Gasoline’ a tad-bit harder.
I have nothing against the people that choose to drive the exact speed limit of 65 MPH on the NJTPK. That is what the Right Lane is for. Every now and then, an old person, or a new driver will be subject to traveling amongst us. It’s only fair they get to have their Own Lane.
I have nothing against the people that choose to drive 85-100+ MPH on the NJTPK. That is what the Left Lane is for. We’ve all been in a hurry. We’ve all been running late, or in the middle of a real live emergency which calls for excessive speeds. It’s NICE to have a Lane designated for these specific circumstances.
However, the Middle Lane is for one purpose and one purpose only.
The Middle Lane is for The Drivers who are trying to go around whatever douche bag is IN the Left or the Right Lane.
The Middle Lane is designated for people traveling at 70 MPH -80 MPH. I know this is a narrow window of speed differentiation, which might make it tricky for some people on the road to grasp this concept.
But please for the love of the open road, if you cannot adhere to simple protocol, then:
‘Move Bitch, Get Out The Way’.
Personally?
I am a Left Laner. Yes. I speed. A Lot.
When I am working the Left Lane if I see Another Driver flying up behind me, I like to execute Common Courtesy. It’s really very easy to do. I just signal with the proper blinker, change lanes accordingly, and get my car out of their way.
However, if a MLMF happens to be “boxing me in” I find myself in an unfortunate position. On occasion, I have had to ‘Use The Shoulder’ much like the shoulder of a good friend to assist me from a marginally escaping from a full-blown-head-on collision. Kudos to me, for grabbing such a firm hold of the steering wheel, with a cell phone in my hand.
Do not even get me started on the rules of ‘How To Precisely Merge With Out Getting Crushed Into Unrecognizable Pieces Via 18 Wheeler Rolling At Top Speed’. That will have to be an entirely new post done Tutorial Style. Including diagrams and directions for using the acceleration ramp. In the mean time I will give you One Rule Of Thumb. You should already be driving at the same speed as the flow of traffic by the time you reach the end of the acceleration or otherwise known as On Ramp.
In closing, I think if everyone could just follow the basic instructions above, Pick A Lane, AND, Pick The Correct Lane, the world would be a much better place.
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