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Friday Funnies: Word Perfect Helpline

This has got to be one of the funniest things in a  long time. I think this guy should have been promoted, not fired.

 

This is a true story from the Word Perfect Helpline, which was transcribed from a recording monitoring the customer care department. Needless to say the Help Desk employee was fired; however, he is currently suing the Word Perfect organization for ‘Termination without Cause’. The following is the actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee. (Now I know why they record these conversations!)

 

Operator: ‘Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?’

 

Caller: ‘Yes, well, I’m having trouble with WordPerfect.’


Operator: ‘What sort of trouble?’

 

Caller: ‘Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away.’

 

Operator: ‘Went away?’

 

Caller:’They disappeared.’

 

Operator: ‘Hmm So what does your screen look like now?’

 

Caller: ‘Nothing.’

 

Operator: ‘Nothing?’

 

Caller: ‘It’s blank; it won’t accept anything when I type.’

 

Operator: ‘Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?’

 

Caller: ‘How do I tell?’

 

Operator: ‘Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?’

 

Caller: ‘What’s a sea-prompt?’


Operator: ‘Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?’


Caller: ‘There isn’t any cursor: I told you, it won’t accept anything I type.’

 

Operator: ‘Does your monitor have a power indicator??’

 

Caller:’What’s a monitor?’

Operator: ‘It’s the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it’s on?’

 

Caller: ‘I don’t know.’

 

Operator: ‘Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?’

 

Caller: ‘Yes, I think so.’

 

Operator: ‘Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it’s plugged into the wall.

 

Caller: ‘Yes, it is.’

 

Operator: ‘When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?’

 

Caller: ‘No.’


Operator: ‘Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable.’

 

Caller: ‘Okay, here it is.’

 

Operator: ‘Follow it for me, and tell me if it’s plugged securely into the back of your computer.’


Caller: ‘I can’t reach.’

 

Operator: ‘Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?’


Caller: ‘No.’

 

Operator: ‘Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?’

 

Caller: ‘Oh, it’s not because I don’t have the right angle – it’s because it’s dark.’

 

Operator: ‘Dark??’

 

Caller: ‘Yes – the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window. ‘

 

Operator: ‘Well, turn on the office light then.’

 

Caller: ‘I can’t.’

 

Operator: ‘No? Why not?’

 

Caller: ‘Because there’s a power failure.’

 

Operator: ‘A power…. A power failure? Aha, Okay, we’ve got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?’

 

Caller: ‘Well, yes, I keep them in the closet.’


Operator: ‘Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from.’

 

Caller: ‘Really? Is it that bad?’

 

Operator: ‘Yes, I’m afraid it is.’

 

Caller: ‘Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?’


Operator: ‘Tell them you’re too f — ing stupid to own a computer!!!!!’.

 

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  • bravo!!! i think the should be owning the company any day now!!!!

  • Yo… That is the funniest, yet on point, phone conversation I’ve ever read about a Customer Service agent. He aught to be applauded. I would have patted him back on the low, if I was his manager.

    Man… They need to give dude a bonus just for calling dude all sorts of other names.

  • That is funny. Wasn’t expecting that ending. The truth hurts, both ways. 😀

  • Ahhhh… the perennial situation. We refer to those as the I.D. 10-T calls.

    The real trick comes when you must keep a straight face – not laugh, squint, cringe, clench teeth, sigh or otherwise show a sign of annoyance reaction while baby sitting people that whilst they’ve been ‘working’ with computers for a long, long looong time, some still haven’t figured out where the freakin’ power switch for the monitor is.

    May I suggest http://members.iinet.com.au/~bofh/index.html ?

    🙂

  • OK, that was funny!! Makes you wonder about people sometimes….

  • It was funny – unexpected ending.
    I’ve read something similar on NowAlwaysRight.com sometime ago.

    But I admit that If he was my employee, I’d reprimand him too.
    If he sued me, Í know I’d still win.

  • Some people are too stupid to live…I know not nice.

  • wicked, and totally believable. I once had someone waving a mouse in mid air complaining it wasn’t working properly!!

  • I used to work tech support for computer companies; that customer was one of the smart ones. I had a customer once who was illiterate; she spelled everything on the screen to me because she couldn’t read. I’ve also had customers who had the mouse upside-down and were trying to use it as a trackball. And these were not the dumbest, not by a long shot.

  • Nice one

  • what a dope!

    @ bob she spelled everything on the screen to me because she couldn’t read. ROFL!!!!

    i would have hung up by mistake

  • I love stupid people!

  • He was absolutely right! Why do they always fire people who are right!

    LOL! That was a good one!

  • Jay

    ROFL!!! Oh, that’s so funny!!!

    I guess the guy got fired because he said the f-word, but I’d cite provocation beyond what a reasonable man could be expected to endure!

    Hahahahaha! Still laughing!

  • cmk

    DEFINITELY something I would be willing to do–some people just should NEVER reproduce. 😀

  • Haha. Years ago, when I worked at the bank, a young woman in the loan department said her new mouse didn’t work…she was holding it up against the side of the monitor. Duh!

  • Jen

    lol 😀

  • Lee

    Those “Hire the Handicapped” initiatives will get the best employees!

  • That is awesome. I would fully respect an operator that could be honest like that.. if you say something stupid, it should be pointed out.
    Great post. 🙂

  • This PC (Personal Clown) Joke always cracks me up, no matter how times I read it 🙂

  • late night typo error corrected:

    This PC (Personal Clown) Joke always cracks me up, no matter how many times I read it 🙂

  • I work in IT so I truly appreciate the humor here! LOL!

  • Hahaha. My boss thought the fax machine was broken. She carried on like a maniac. Turns out it wasn’t plugged in. I can so relate. Great story!

  • Sadly, that sounds like something I’d get fired for!

  • I once had a woman call because she was missing some icons on her screen and wanted to know if I could fax her some new ones.

  • FRACKING BRILLIANT!!!

  • I can SO totally believe this! I work in a call center and I’ve become very skilled at sounding professional and sypathetic while giving the finger to the phone and motioning like I’m hanging myself.

  • LOL!! I could never work on a computer help desk….lol

    We called an electrician in one time … only to find out we had to hit the reset button on the power cord.

    Yep, everyone in my office, we’re that stooopid! LOL

  • I am the PC tech in the family and amongst friends. I hear this kind of stuff all the time. Funny stuff but frustration for the support person!

    Thank god we’re smart!

  • HomerSimpson

    A BBC comedy based on IT workers. You can find the episoded laying around if you look.

    http://www.channel4.com/entertainment/tv/microsites/I/itcrowd/index.html

  • Meleah

    Thanks HOMER. I can always count on you.

  • Thanks for the laugh. I also have a boss that had a problem with the fax machine, but it was that he could not fax more than one sheet at a time.

    Here, on beknown to me, he was faxing multiple pages one at a time. One day I was at home and he needed to fax 20 pages. After the first 5 pages, he called me to ask if there was any way he could fax all the pages at one time instead of hanging up after every page and redailing.

    After I gained my composure, which took a long time, I told him how to fax all pages on one call.

    To this day, we are still friends and I still laugh about it when I run into him.

  • last night i had to walk my mom through starting up a gmail account and downloading skype. oh my bob i am exhausted. “how do i delete something?” “push the delete button.” “where is that?” “um. it’s on the keyboard.” “oh. oh yeah.”

    OY!!!

  • Meleah

    I am glad ya’ll found this as amusing /funny as I did.

    🙂

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